


Between Hope and Remembrance

by Arionrhod, McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:17:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 65,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11001972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arionrhod/pseuds/Arionrhod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: After the war, Remus and Severus - two unlikely survivors - must rebuild their lives against overwhelming odds with the Ministry and Severus' own memory throwing obstacles in their way. Oh, and there's the little matter of Sirius' ghost...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2007.

__

_Footfalls echo in the memory  
Down the passage which we did not take  
Towards the door we never opened  
Into the rose-garden.  
~T. S. Eliot  
_

  
**Prologue:**  
  
"Oh, damn." Twizzleby's face turned parchment white as he read the report. "Are you certain this is entirely true? If it was only one memory-"  
  
"There were several," Percy Weasley replied, his expression impassive. "There was also corroboration from the deceased's brother, along with documentation signed by two different witnesses close to the deceased. One of them was Harry Potter. All made one fact perfectly clear: it was planned for months."  
  
Twizzleby fished a handkerchief out his pocket and swabbed at his perspiring brow. "Tampering, perhaps?" he asked hopefully, his features crumpling when Weasley shook his head.  
  
"The pensieve and the documents were tested, and the results are conclusive. There was no evidence of tampering."  
  
"Perhaps we should just keep it to ourselves, eh?" Twizzleby tried to muster some semblance of joviality. "If word got out that the Ministry made a mistake of such magnitude-"  
  
"Too late, sir." Weasley dropped a copy of _The Daily Prophet_ on Twizzleby's desk. On the front page blared the headline: "Ministry Mayhem!" In the very first line of the article were allegations of Ministry cover-ups and habitual scape-goating of innocent victims, all in florid language designed to rouse the indignation of its readers. Twizzleby winced, recognizing Rita Skeeter's lurid prose.  
  
Twizzleby sighed and resigned himself to the fact that there was no way to avoid public scrutiny and speculation.  
  
"Well, that settles it. We'll have to make Severus Snape a hero."  
  


* * *

  
  
The Ministry official - although Severus didn't know that's what the man was at first - who visited him was twitchy and perspired a lot, necessitating continual mopping of his brow with an already damp handkerchief, and his manner was obsequious, which made Severus suspicious. Everyone else Severus had encountered in the prison had treated him with barely disguised disdain and sometimes open disgust. For a long time, Severus hadn't even known his own name because hardly anyone deigned to address him by name, as if doing so would elevate him to a level of humanity he no longer deserved; he had certainly not been called Mr. Snape.  
  
The sweaty little man introduced himself as Mr. Twizzleby and said he worked at someplace called the Ministry of Magic, which meant nothing to Severus. "I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here," he said, mopping his brow again.  
  
"You are my first visitor," Severus replied. "It does provoke some natural curiosity."  
  
Twizzleby laughed nervously. "Indeed, indeed. Well, I'll get straight to the point, shall I? It - ah - it seems there has been a little mistake. The Ministry might have acted in undue haste in your case."  
  
With almost all of the Dementors either slain or having fled the country after Voldemort's defeat, Twizzleby explained, the Ministry had been presented with the quandary of how to guard all the prisoners, particularly the Death Eaters, in Azkaban as effectively. Since the Dementors' defection a few years prior, the Department of Mysteries had been working on breeding a new kind of Dementor, one that would be more loyal and less Dark in its intrinsic nature. The problem, as Severus might see, is that breeding out the Darkness resulted in a less potent Kiss, ha ha.  
  
Severus pointed out that no, he couldn't see the problem because he couldn't remember what the devil Dementors were. Ha ha.  
  
The Ministry official grew a little fidgety then and mumbled his way through an explanation of how the new breed of Dementors were incapable of sucking one's soul. The best they could do was memories, only the Ministry hadn't known that when Severus was Kissed. As a result, Severus' memories were permanently lost, but in all other respects, he was in perfect health and still possessed of his magical abilities.  
  
Severus nodded grimly and folded his arms as he peered down his nose at Twizzleby, sensing that he had the upper hand here and determined to use it. "Really?" he drawled in a tone that implied Twizzleby had all the mental acuity of the gelatinous slop that passed for food in the prison. It was an easy tone to muster, which he suspected meant he had used it often. Either he had once been surrounded by morons, or he wasn't a very nice, tolerant person.  
  
"Yes." Twizzleby coughed and swiped at his face again. "It seems new evidence has come to light that suggests your motives in killing Albus Dumbledore weren't treasonous. You - ah - planned the event with him."  
  
"I did?" Severus was intrigued by that. This was the first time anyone had been willing to tell him _why_ he was in prison, and he wondered what kind of man this Dumbledore had been to plot his own death and what kind of man Severus himself had been to be the willing instrument of it.  
  
"We will show you the memories," Twizzleby said quickly. "They were stored in a Pensieve. They will explain everything. You will receive a full pardon, of course."  
  
"And what else?" Severus leaned forward in a subtle attempt to loom over Twizzleby, and more sweat beaded on Twizzleby's forehead.  
  
"Er..."  
  
"You have kept me incarcerated for who knows how long, you stole all my memories, and you have besmirched my reputation with false accusations. A full pardon means nothing to a man without a home, a job, or any recollection of his former life. It is the Ministry's fault I am in this condition, and as it turns out, I don't deserve to be in it. So." He drew himself upright again with haughty dignity. "What are you going to do to compensate me?"  
  
Twizzleby sputtered a bit and then hemmed and hawed before fleeing Severus' cell, and Severus settled in to wait. And wait. And wait.  
  
It was over a week before he saw anyone but the guards again, but his next visitor was not Twizzleby. It was a young man with unruly black hair, glasses, and an odd scar on his forehead. Resentment and dislike burned in his green eyes as he approached Severus' cell, but it rapidly shifted to shock when Severus rose from his cot and approached the warded doorway.  
  
"They said you'd been Kissed!" the young man blurted.  
  
A beetle flew off the young man's shoulder and hovered before fluidly shifting into a woman with triumph glittering in her eyes. Severus watched, fascinated, but before he could ask any questions about what she had done, she spoke.  
  
"I told you something was going on." She smirked as she sauntered over and looked Severus up and down appraisingly. "I can smell a scandal."  
  
"I _was_ Kissed," Severus said, glancing back and forth between them.  
  
"But..." The young man continued to boggle at him, gesturing helplessly. "If you were Kissed, why aren't you an empty husk?"  
  
The young man sounded almost disappointed, and Severus arched a questioning eyebrow at him, wondering what that was all about. Was he Dumbledore's son? "The new breed of Dementors aren't strong enough to suck out a soul, only the Ministry didn't know that. I was the first victim. All they can remove are memories. Thus my soul was left intact, but my memories are a blank slate."  
  
"So... you don't remember anything?" The young man's attitude shifted from near hostility to curiosity. "You don't remember who I am?"  
  
"I'm afraid not." Severus tilted his head questioningly. "Should I?"  
  
The young man laughed, although there was no mirth in the sound. "We've met." He paused, as if considering something. "I'm the one you gave your memories to right before you supposedly died, and I stored them in a Pensieve."  
  
"Wait - I _died_?" Severus gaped at him, astonished at this new piece of information.  
  
"Supposedly," the young man corrected, again with a vague hint of disappointment. "I thought I saw you die, but apparently, you just lost consciousness."  
  
"You didn't _check_?" Severus shook his head incredulously. "You could have felt for a pulse, couldn't you?"  
  
"You looked pretty dead to me!" the young man retorted hotly. "Anyway, someone came along and saved you from bleeding to death before it was too late. You were taken to the hospital, but I'm not sure what happened after that. The last I heard, you were still in a coma, but at some point, you were taken to Azkaban. I thought that meant you had woken up, and I tried to get the Ministry to look at the memories, but they wouldn't do it until it was too late, and I heard you'd been Kissed." He shot Severus a sullen glare. "I _did_ try. It isn't my fault the Ministry gave me the run-around. There were still too many of Voldemort's drones that hadn't been flushed out, and they were gumming up the system, and I think even the Ministry people who weren't under his control wanted your head on a platter, so they weren't eager to listen."  
  
Severus gave him a blank look. "Who is Voldemort?"  
  
The young stared back at him and then shook his head slowly. "I can't even _begin_ to explain all that. I'll have Hermione put together some stuff for you, and you can read it when you get a chance."  
  
"I do seem to have plenty of free time at present," Severus said dryly.  
  
"We're trying to do something about that," the young man replied. "You being in prison, I mean. Considering what I saw in your memories, I knew Dumbledore would want me to clear your name even if it was too late, so I contacted Ms. Skeeter here-"  
  
Severus glanced at the woman, whose quill was flying across a sheet of parchment as she listened avidly and licked her lips, a greedy gleam in her eyes.  
  
"-about the memories since the Ministry didn't want to listen. I took it to the papers and got the story published, but Ms. Skeeter thought they were still covering up something."  
  
"And I was right," she purred.  
  
"I want out of here," Severus said. "I also want compensation for what they did to me, but they don't seem inclined to acquiesce on either point. Someone from the Ministry paid a call to tell me I was innocent of treason, but as far as I know, nothing has been done to arrange my release. At this point, I am willing to do anything to get out."  
  
"Give me exclusive rights to your story, and I'll make certain you get whatever you want," Ms. Skeeter replied, her demeanor turning shrewd and business-like. "I can turn the tide of public sympathy in your favor so fast, the Ministry will be willing to hold a parade down the middle of Diagon Alley in your honor if that's what you want."  
  
"Agreed." Severus would have offered her a handshake, but the wards prevented it; she appeared satisfied nonetheless, and she waggled her fingers at him in farewell before she tucked her quill and parchment away and shifted back into beetle form, perching once again on the young man's shoulder. "I didn't get your name," he said.  
  
The young man appeared genuinely amused this time. "Harry Potter."  
  
"Nice to meet you, Harry."  
  


* * *

  
  
In the days that followed, Rita Skeeter visited several times to ask questions, and it seemed to Severus as if she was taking reams of notes.  
  
"Are you actually _writing_ anything?" he asked in a fit of impatience at yet another round of questions about what he remembered from his 'tragic ordeal', as she called it.  
  
"Oh, yes." She nodded, her bottle-blonde curls bobbing. "There have been two articles published already. I'm writing a serial, you see, to build up interest and sympathy. In a week's time, you'll be public hero number two."  
  
"Not number one?" He raised a questioning eyebrow.  
  
She laughed, a dry, cynical sound. "Not even you could unseat Harry Potter, duckie."  
  
As promised, Harry had sent a thick sheaf of articles and three books: a history of the wizarding world; _So You Found Out You Aren't a Muggle_ , which appeared to be a book designed for people who found out they possessed magical powers later in life; and _Hogwarts: A History_ , the revised edition. Tucked inside the history text, Severus found a note reading, "Tell him chapters 37-41 are all about the First War. Love, Hermione". From these resources, he was able to learn who Dumbledore was and why Rita Skeeter had said Severus couldn't be public hero number one. His own role in all this remained unclear, however, except that there were several articles that discussed him serving as headmaster of Hogwarts and declaring him a traitor for murdering Dumbledore and being one of this Voldemort fellow's followers, which he gathered were called Death Eaters, as if that wasn't a tacky designation. Who ever heard of anyone eating Death? It sounded a little nudge-nudge to Severus rather than like a name that could strike terror in the hearts of men, but he seemed to be the only one to hold that opinion.  
  
Three weeks after Harry's visit, Twizzleby returned with one of the guards, who drew a stick out of his pocket, waved it in front of Severus' cell, and tersely informed Severus he could come out. Dazed at the unexpected turn of events, Severus stepped out of the dingy cell - the only home he could remember - and breathed in his first breath as a free man.  
  
There would be compensation, Twizzleby informed him with much brow-mopping. His home had been confiscated by the Ministry, but it would be returned to Severus' possession immediately, and there would be a monthly pension provided until such time as he found a job and could support himself. The Ministry would also provide funds for the purchase of a new wand at the newly-reopened Ollivander's in Diagon Alley.  
  
"What, no parade?" Severus asked, his voice laden with sardonic amusement, but Twizzleby only blinked at him with owlish confusion. "Never mind. Have you got someone who can show me where everything is? I have no idea what my own address is, much less how to get there."  
  
"I'll send for someone," Twizzleby said before darting off. Fortunately, it was a matter of minutes rather than days before he returned this time, and with him was a young man with curly red hair and freckles. "This is Percy Weasley. He was one of your students, but he has worked at the Ministry for several years now." Twizzleby coughed and edged away. "I'll - er - I'll just leave Mr. Snape in your hands, then, Weasley."  
  
And then Twizzleby was gone again, and Severus and Percy Weasley looked at each other for a moment.  
  
"Call me Percy," the young man said. "Well, then, Pro - ah - Mr. Snape, let's get on with reacquainting you with your life, shall we?"  
  
"It's Severus," he replied, already moving down the stone corridor, eager to get away from this dismal place. "And yes, we shall."  
  


* * *

  
  
"Bugger it all!"  
  
Remus sighed and tossed down his quill, glaring at the piece of paper in front of him as though he could change the numbers on it by force of will, but the carefully inked digits offered nothing but mockery. All his life, he'd had to scrimp and save, becoming so good at pinching knuts that he often fancied he could hear them scream, but even his talents at creative economics had their limits. He wanted to do everything he could so the Ministry would grant him custody of his son, but the fact was that between the limitations on werewolf employment and the conditions the Ministry Division of Child Protection had set him, he'd have to work twenty out of every twenty-four hours at his current wages, seven days a week. Which, by his calculations, left him approximately zero hours to be a father.  
  
It could be worse, of course, he reminded himself as he rubbed his face with both hands, trying to scrub away his annoyance. For one thing, he could have died of his injuries during the Battle of Hogwarts. Tonks _had_ died, after all, a fact for which her mother blamed Remus exclusively, seeming to have forgotten there were a few dozen Death Eaters running around casting curses. Andromeda had been granted custody of Teddy, which was definitely better than him being in foster care, but her obvious dislike of her son-in-law made visits to her house very stilted affairs indeed. Fortunately, Remus was allowed to take Teddy overnight from time to time; those visits were the brightest points in his life, and he cherished them, even as he worked himself into exhaustion so he could hopefully have more of them.  
  
"Tut, tut, Moony! Such language. People will start to say I'm a bad influence on you."  
  
Remus blew out his breath before lowering his hands and turning so that he could look at Sirius, who stood behind him. Or floated, rather, being that the former Marauder, fugitive, and murder victim wasn't corporeal.  
  
"You are a bad influence on me, Padfoot," Remus replied, rising to his feet. It was no use trying to work on his budget any longer, not now that Sirius had shown up from whatever mischief he'd been up to. "Tell the truth - you didn't follow me back, did you? Lily and James kicked you out of the afterlife, and you couldn't think of anyone else to torment."  
  
Sirius snorted, waving an airy - and translucent - hand. "As if. They begged me to stay, I'll have you know. But it was _boring_! I was relieved when you showed up, because I thought I'd finally have someone to share my adventures with. You have no idea what it's like for someone like me, Moony! Sure, Elysian Fields and all that _sounds_ nice, but when all you can do for eternity is watch Lily and James snogging, it can get pretty tiresome. When you weren't dead after all, I had to follow you back over! Not to mention there were no rabbits to chase, no one to play pranks on... "  
  
"No one to bother, you mean?" Remus asked with a raised brow, crossing to his dresser. The tiny closet of a room he rented here in Hogsmeade wasn't much, and it was surprising how much more crowded it could get with a ghost floating around. Remus had resorted to walking through Sirius when he wouldn't get out of the way, which happened rather often. Sirius, of course, found it amusing.  
  
"That, too," Sirius acknowledged. "Oh, come on, Moony, don't be such a pouting puffskein. It's not that bad, is it? Really?"  
  
"Depends on what you mean by bad." Remus sighed again, pulling his shirt over his head. "You don't have to worry about things like food, shelter, and Wolfsbane Potion, not to mention nappies and formula and such if I do manage to get Teddy back. Convenient, being a ghost." He looked over at Sirius. "Turn around."  
  
Sirius snorted again, sounding remarkably nasal for someone without any sinuses. "As if I hadn't seen you naked before. Or even had any bits to do anything about it," he grumbled, before making a big show of turning in the air and presenting his back to Remus. "There, your maidenly virtue is safe from me, you big poof."  
  
"I'm not a poof!" Remus rolled his eyes. In the three weeks since he'd regained consciousness in St. Mungo's - to the alarming sight of Sirius hovering over him - this had been a recurring argument for some reason. Which was surprising, given that Sirius hadn't seemed overly concerned with Remus' preferences when he'd been alive, and it was downright disconcerting given that Sirius was beyond such physical things. "I think being around Lily and James in the afterlife has given you a bizarre obsession with sex. Which is fine, if you keep it to yourself. I just don't know why you keep insisting I'm gay. I was married, remember?"  
  
As he spoke, Remus stripped off his jeans and reached into a drawer to pull out his pajamas, and then he cast a glance over his shoulder to find Sirius contemplating his arse. "SIRIUS!"  
  
"Oh, fine!" Sirius turned around again, theatrically covering his eyes with his hands, for all the good that would do. "But don't pull that 'I was married' stuff on me. Lots of gay men get married, even father children."  
  
"I don't want to discuss this with you." Remus pulled on his pajama bottoms, then shrugged into the top, buttoning it as he turned back around. "Honestly, Sirius, don't you have anything else to obsess about other than my love life or lack thereof?"  
  
"Somebody needs to," Sirius said grimly. "Since you won't. Honestly, Remus, my _cousin_? Beyond the obvious part about her being female, she was all wrong for you."  
  
Remus put his hands over his ears. "La, la, la! I can't hear you! La, la, la!"  
  
"Now who is in denial?" Sirius asked loudly.  
  
There came a resounding thump on the wall as one of Remus' neighbors objected to the raised voices. "Oy! Shut up in there! Can't a bloke get some sleep?"  
  
"Sorry!" Remus shouted back, then gave Sirius a stern look. "Keep it down, okay? This is the cheapest place in Hogsmeade, and if I get thrown out, it's going to make things that much harder on me."  
  
"I'm sorry, Moony," Sirius said contritely. "But if you would just ask Harry to help..."  
  
"If I get help from Harry, I'm not doing it on my own," Remus said, shaking his head wearily. "I've told you what the conditions are. The Ministry says I have to have steady employment which enables me to provide Teddy with adequate food and shelter and myself with the Wolfsbane Potion so that I can be provably 'safe' to take care of him. That's what the Ministry wants, despite the fact that werewolves don't attack their own children, and despite the fact that I wouldn't have Teddy around me while I'm transformed anyway. If I let Harry help me, they'll deny me custody, and Merlin knows what I'd have to do then in order to get him back. It's not easy now, but it's no doubt a lot easier than it would be if I abrogate their terms."  
  
"Poor Moony." Sirius lifted a hand, letting it hover over Remus' shoulder. He couldn't touch his friend, of course, but Remus appreciated the supportive gesture anyway. "I wish I could help. Want me to go haunt some of those Ministry wankers for you?"  
  
"Thanks, Padfoot, I appreciate it, but I think this is one thing I'm just going to have to do on my own."  
  
Remus crossed to his narrow bed, pulling back the patched but clean blanket and slipping between the sheets with a sigh. He plumped up his one thin pillow, then settled back on it with a sigh. "Good night, Sirius," he said softly, reaching for the light on the small table next to his bed.  
  
"Moony?"  
  
Remus looked over to where Sirius still floated, his expression forlorn. With a sigh, Remus nodded, and Sirius immediately transformed into his Animagus form. Padfoot was now silvery rather than inky black, but he was still as large and menacing looking as he'd been in life. Maybe even more so, although not as much with his tail wagging. With a happy bark, Padfoot lunged for the bed, curling up at the foot of it and settling down with his head on his paws.  
  
"No pets! Oy, I'm going to report you to the landlady!" Remus' annoyed neighbor shouted.  
  
"I don't have a pet. I was just... coughing!" Remus replied. He shook his head. "Keep it down, you big idiot. If you weren't already a dead dog..." he threatened, to which Padfoot responded with a huffing noise that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle.  
  
Remus reached for the lamp again, turning out the light and settling down once more. As he drifted off to sleep, he reminded himself again that things really weren't so bad, even if he didn't have his son yet, and even if he was sharing his bed with the transformed ghost of his best friend. At least Padfoot didn't steal the covers, and his softly glowing form served as a halfway decent nightlight.  
  


* * *

  
  
Severus followed the prim woman who had introduced herself as Professor Minerva McGonagall up a winding stone staircase into an office filled with bookshelves, portraits, and a fascinating array of gadgets that Severus longed to explore. He wondered what they were and if he had once known how to use any of them. The people in the portraits gaped at him and began to murmur when he walked in, but the sight of painted people moving and speaking didn't surprise him. Well, not anymore. The first time he'd seen it, he had stopped to stare and kept asking the elderly woman in the portrait questions to make certain it wasn't a recording of some kind until Percy finally pulled him away. He'd seen moving photographs in the newspaper articles Harry had sent him, of course, but those weren't interactive, and the whole thing fascinated him endlessly.  
  
"Have a seat, Severus." Professor McGonagall gestured to a well-padded chair in front of the desk, which she took a seat behind. "Would you like some tea?"  
  
"Yes, thank you," Severus replied as he sat down and relaxed in the chair, crossing his legs at the knee and ignoring the rustle of conversation from the portraits.  
  
McGonagall plucked a quill from her desk set, scribbled a note, and with a tap of her wand, sent it winging out the room, and then she folded her hands on the desk and regarded him over the top of her glasses. "I assume you are wondering why I invited you here."  
  
"Naturally." He inclined his head slightly. "Harry sent me enough information to let me know I served as headmaster here for a brief time, but I cannot imagine I am being offered the position again considering how things turned out last time," he said, a hint of a smile curving his lips to let her know he was joking.  
  
She blinked at him, seeming startled, although he wasn't certain why, but then she nodded slowly, a small smile of her own answering his. "No, I am not quite ready to retire yet. But I understand you are in need of a job."  
  
"Yes, I am. The Ministry is providing a pension until I find a means of supporting myself, but I don't care to rely on that longer than I must." He grimaced slightly. "Of course, my job hunting is hindered by the fact that I have no idea what I can or cannot do. I have been told I can perform magic, and I even have a new wand, but I don't know what to do with it."  
  
She gave him a sympathetic look, but whatever she might have said was interrupted by the appearance of a tea tray on her desk, and she paused the conversation long enough to pour a cup for each of them, preparing Severus' tea the way he had discovered through trial and error that he liked it, and she passed him a few chocolate biscuits as well.  
  
"Well, you can relearn the spells," she said, taking a sip of tea. "That part will be easy enough. You have a keen mind, and the loss of your memories hasn't changed that, I am certain. Magic is more instinct than memory anyway. The incantations are simply a way to control the raw power so that it does not get out of hand. I have a theory, too, that while you may not remember spells or potions recipes, you may be able to relearn your skills more swiftly because of..." She gestured vaguely, appearing to be searching for the proper words. "A kind of sense memory, I suppose. Something that has nothing to do with your mind, but with your magic and your muscles. Your hands may know how to stir and chop properly even if you do not."  
  
"Are you offering to teach me, then?" he asked, feeling a surge of hope at the thought of gaining useful skills that would let him become self-sufficient.  
  
"I? Teach you potions?" She chuckled and shook her head. "That would be like a house painter trying to instruct Michelangelo. No, if I can teach you anything, it would be Transfiguration. That never was your best subject," she added with a hint of smugness in her voice, and he wondered if that had been a long-standing area of contention or teasing between them. Certainly it seemed she knew him quite well. "What I propose is to give you the means to teach yourself. If you need help, I will do my best to provide it, but I believe you will be your own best teacher in this matter, and I can provide everything you need - workspace, text books, equipment. Anything you need." She took another sip of tea, her expression turning shrewd. "Of course, it isn't entirely altruistic. Horace Slughorn absolutely refuses to return to teach Potions next year, and I want to hire the best to take his place."  
  
"How much time do I have?" Severus asked.  
  
"Just over two months. The new term begins on the first of September." She paused, seeming lost in thought for a moment. "Normally, the castle remains empty over the summer holidays, but we can make an exception in your case. If you had rather not commute, I can arrange for you to live here at the castle, where you will have access to your old workroom with all the equipment and ingredients you need as well as the school library."  
  
"I would like that," he replied. "I believe it will make things much simpler."  
  
"Good. Then we have a deal." She smiled as if quite pleased with the arrangement, and Severus smiled back, which made her look startled again, and he supposed that meant he hadn't been much for smiling before.  
  
He sat back and sipped his tea, rather pleased with the arrangement himself, and for now, he refused to think about the possibility that she might be wrong and he couldn't regain his lost skills. He had a chance, and he intended to take it, even if it meant spending every minute of the next two months with his nose in a book. The prospect of being immersed in intense study didn't sound too bad anyway.  
  


* * *

  
  
It had been just over a week since Severus had moved into Hogwarts, and he had spent much of that time familiarizing himself with the castle and getting lost quite often. Fortunately, the portraits were helpful and pointed him in the direction he needed to go, and a knight who identified himself as Sir Cadogan even led Severus himself, charging from painting to painting at a breakneck speed. He had also spent a great deal of time reading. Potions texts, charms texts, herbology texts - it didn't matter what the subject was. He was immersing himself in magic and enjoying it immensely.  
  
So far, it was all theoretical, however. He hadn't yet gathered up the nerve to pick up a ladle or light a fire under his cauldron. He kept dawdling, telling himself he needed to understand the principles behind it before he tried it, but he knew he was just apprehensive about what would happen and whether Minerva's "sense memory" theory was sound or not.  
  
As vast as the castle was, however, he felt the need for some fresh air once in a while, and he took walks on the grounds, and one day, he decided to venture into the village Minerva had told him about. It was a lengthy walk, but he didn't mind; it was rather like an adventure taking him into more uncharted territory, and he looked around as if his head was on a swivel, eager to soak up the details.  
  
Hogsmeade wasn't as busy or crowded as Diagon Alley, but it was no less fascinating, and Severus roamed the streets aimlessly, peering in shop windows and familiarizing himself with the layout of the village. A few people stopped to gawk at him as he passed by, but he was accustomed to that and merely nodded and went on his way.  
  
  
Although Remus was qualified for any number of jobs - teaching or working in a shop, and he'd even turned his hand to tailoring and cooking over the years - the only type of work he could get under the restrictive laws of the Ministry governing werewolf employment was that of "laborer". Which was just as difficult and underpaid as it sounded, but beggars, as Remus knew all too well, simply couldn't afford to be choosers.  
  
It wasn't that grubbing out stumps and stones or weeding and trimming yards was beneath him. Nor was picking up trash, repairing roofs, patching holes, or cleaning gutters. He could even use magic to help out on some things, but there were tasks that were simply too involved for magic or which required brute force in excess of most charms or spells. These were the types of things that most wizards preferred to hire someone else to do, and so Remus did them, accepting whatever people would pay him for even the most menial tasks.  
  
It had been hard at first to find enough odd jobs to keep him busy, but over the course of the last month, he'd built a decent reputation as being reliable and efficient, which helped. The money wasn't great, but it was something, and Remus kept hoping someone might offer him something more steady and permanent. He did answer what "help wanted" adverts he could, but there was still a distrust of werewolves in general after the war, and it was a prejudice he simply couldn't fight on his own. He had Teddy to think about, and so he took all the work he could get, not turning down any task as being beneath him.  
  
At the moment, the task he had been given was to dig out several large stones in the garden of Madame Rosmerta, who had kindly offered Remus the work when she'd spied him walking back to the boarding house one evening. Remus thought that it was mostly make work, but he wasn't going to refuse it, especially since Rosmerta had brought him dinner for the last three days while he'd been steadily working his way through the buried stones. Another day or so and he'd be finished, at which point he'd have to find another job. It shouldn't be too difficult, given that it was summer and people were willing to do household improvements, but he did worry about the upcoming winter and if the change in the weather would leave him without any hope of employment at all.  
  
The day was hot, and Remus had taken off his shirt, hanging it over Rosmerta's white board fence. Werewolves had more strength and stamina than normal humans, but it was still intense labor, making Remus sweat profusely. He had gotten rather tanned in the course of all this outdoor activity, and he knew that his muscles had hardened, which was probably a good thing, he thought as he hefted the pick over his head and brought it back down. It rang on the stone, chipping off a shard that flew up and smacked his shoulder.  
  
Sighing, Remus lowered the pick, pulling a handkerchief from the pocket of his jeans to mop his brow. He brushed his hair back from his face, grimacing as the long, wet strands clung to his hands. He needed a haircut, but haircuts cost money, and he knew better than to try to do it himself, even with magic. The one time he'd tried, back before he'd gotten married, he'd managed to leave himself looking like some bizarre tropical bird with tufts that were too short interspersed with longer, uneven bits. No, it was better to just leave it be for now, and so he wrung out the handkerchief, then used it to tie his hair back. At least that way, it would be out of the way, and he picked up his tool again, ignoring the slight sting on his arm where the stone had struck him, and once more set about his task.  
  
A loud sound caught Severus' attention, but it wasn't the harsh noise of a metal instrument on stone that arrested him in his tracks. No, it was the sight of the half-naked man who was swinging the instrument, his bronzed skin glistening in the sun and muscles playing in his back and shoulders. His hair was long and honey-blond, and Severus had the inexplicable urge to run his fingers through it.  
  
He stopped and stared, his mouth going dry; he knew it was wrong to stand in the middle of the street and ogle a strange man, but he couldn't tear himself away. In that moment, he became aware of something new about himself: he was attracted to men. He was attracted to this man in particular, and he drank in the sight, memorizing every possible detail he could in the moments remaining him before he moved away.  
  
Sweat was getting into his eyes again, and Remus lowered his pick once more, wiping it away with the back of his hand. Since he had stopped, he decided to go all out and get a drink, so he dropped the pick and walked back toward the fence where he had left his bottle of water.  
  
He was vaguely aware of someone standing in the street as he stooped to retrieve the bottle, which he'd charmed to keep the water cold. He took a long drink, and as he lowered the bottle, he looked toward the person who was still gazing at him. Then he blinked, eyes flying wide open, the bottle of water slipping from his hand as he looked into a familiar, impossible face. A face belonging to a man Remus knew beyond any doubt was dead.  
  
"Severus?" he said hesitantly, uncertain that what he was seeing was real. Perhaps he'd gotten sunstroke, or maybe it was some bizarre prank Sirius was playing on him. Because it was absolutely impossible that Severus Snape could be standing there on a street in Hogsmeade, alive and well and looking at Remus as though he wanted to devour him.  
  
Severus froze, startled that the man had recognized him, but it seemed the man was shocked as well, and he decided to take a chance and move closer. If this man knew him, perhaps he could learn more about himself. Perhaps this man had once been his friend and would be happy to see him alive and well.  
  
"Hello," he said, regarding the man with friendly curiosity. "I see you recognize me, which means you have me at a disadvantage. To spare us both some time and misunderstanding, I will say up front that my memories are gone, and I have no idea who you are. May I have your name?"  
  
Remus gaped. There was no other term for it as he stared at Severus in profound shock. "I must have died again. That's the answer, right? I had a heart attack or heat stroke or something, right?" He glanced around, half expecting to see Sirius standing to one side and laughing, but there was no one else around. Remus scrubbed his hands over his face, but when he looked again, Severus was still there.  
  
And he wasn't scowling.  
  
Feeling as if the situation was completely surreal, Remus stepped forward toward the fence. "Sorry," he said, shaking his head. "I'm just having a hard time... You are Severus? Really?" Remus took another step, and sniffed the air, catching the distinct scent that he knew quite well. "You are... unless it's Polyjuice?"  
  
"No, it isn't Polyjuice potion," Severus replied, puzzled by the man's disbelief. Then again, perhaps the man hadn't heard the Kiss had failed. "I really am Severus Snape, only without my memories. I suppose you didn't see the articles about it in the newspaper? The Ministry didn't want to admit the Kiss administered by the new Dementors had failed, but it came to light nonetheless, and I was freed from prison."  
  
Remus was silent as he absorbed that information, trying to wrap his brain around it. He supposed he shouldn't be too surprised when he thought about it; he'd given the Healers a shock when he'd moaned and sat up in the place where he'd been left with the other battle dead. They didn't have a lycanthrope specialist at hand to tell them it was nearly impossible to kill a werewolf unless you used silver weapons or certain spells to do it, and while Remus had been gravely injured, his body had been able to heal the damage. So why not Severus, too? Who better to survive a snake bite than a Slytherin, and one who was a potions master in the bargain?  
  
And if Severus had survived, certainly they would have wanted to punish him for Albus' death, not to mention the treason of which he'd apparently been guilty. The few times Remus had seen Harry after the war, however, Harry had talked about "knowing things" that indicated that Severus hadn't been a traitor and that Albus had planned his own death long before with Severus as the instrument. Remus had been glad to hear that; he'd been devastated when he'd thought Severus was a traitor, since he'd somehow had a perverse trust of Severus despite Severus' obvious dislike of him. As he'd once said to Harry, he neither liked nor disliked Severus, but he'd always thought that, deep down, Severus was on the right side. It had been somewhat of a vindication of his own judgment to learn he was right, one that he'd needed rather badly after Tonks' death and the debacle that had been his marriage.  
  
Drawing in a deep breath, Remus managed a smile. "No, I've not seen the papers; I've been rather, um, busy," he said, giving a self-deprecating shrug. "Oh, sorry... with no memories, you wouldn't know. A new type of Dementor? Well, it seems you escaped both death and a fate worse than death, then, which I suppose shouldn't be surprising in your case. But... I'm Remus. Remus Lupin. We went to school together, and we both worked for the Order during both wars. And it seems as though we both managed to beat the odds and survive."  
  
"Remus." Severus tried out the name and decided he liked the feel of it on his tongue. He approached the fence and held out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."  
  
Remus started again, then gave a self-conscious laugh. "I... that's the first time you've ever called me by my given name," he said. He looked down at his dirty hand, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "You don't want me to touch you, really, I'm filthy." Lifting his eyes to Severus' face, he flushed. "And... er... you don't like me. At all. I don't want you to feel like I'm being too forward. You know, when you get your memories back or someone tells you."  
  
 _No, actually, I think I do want you to touch me,_ Severus thought, but he lowered his hand and didn't press the point. He was surprised to learn his old self hadn't liked Remus, and he wondered why. "Oh, my memories won't return," he said matter-of-factly. "I'm given to understand the Dementors that used to guard the prison sucked out a person's soul, but they also rebelled. The Ministry wanted Dementors that would be more easily controlled, but they were also weaker. They could only suck out memories. Mine are gone forever, and I remember nothing that occurred before I awoke in prison after the Kiss." He leaned on the fence, gazing into Remus' blue-green eyes and feeling as if he could get lost in them. "Why didn't I like you?" he asked. "You seem quite likable."  
  
Remus wasn't certain if he was becoming numb to shocks, having experienced so many of them in such a short period time, but the sight of Severus Snape - prim, proper, starchy and formal Severus Snape - _leaning_ on a fence and looking at him as he told Remus that he seemed _likable_ was enough to leave him speechless, if only for a few moments. "Oh," he replied, not very intelligently, before drawing in a deep breath to try to put himself back on an even keel.  
  
"I'm sorry about your memories," he murmured, looking at Severus with sympathy. To a man so controlled and contained as Severus, a man who held onto grudges until they died of old age and then had them stuffed and put on his mantle where he could still see them, losing his memories would probably be a fate worse than death. Those memories were what made Severus _Severus_... weren't they? Wasn't everyone the sum total of their experiences, after all? Yet here was a man who had always hated him, looking at him, talking to him, acting as if he _wanted_ to be friends... and in that moment, Remus thought perhaps Severus Snape really was dead, or at least the man Remus had known all his life was dead and gone for good. To be honest, he wasn't quite certain how he felt about it yet.  
  
He tried to search for a simple explanation. "I... well, it's complicated. Why you don't like me, I mean," he said. "We have a history, I suppose, and not a good one. It started in school and just grew as time went on. I guess the start of it was pretty stupid, in retrospect, but... well, I made mistakes. And so did you. There's no use in pointing fingers, especially now, though, is there?" He smiled again and shrugged. "For what it's worth, I never hated you, but I'm quite certain you genuinely hated me. And you had every right to do so, of course."  
  
"That's unfortunate," Severus replied, studying Remus' face as he listened. "But as you say, there is no use in pointing fingers now. If I hated you, I remember neither the emotion nor the reasons that provoked it. Perhaps we can start anew? The more I learn about myself, the more I find I was a rather isolated man. I could use a friend - someone to help me learn more about myself, the world, and magic. If you have known me since we were in school together, then perhaps you could help me fill in some of the sizable gaps in my self-knowledge."  
  
"Really?" Remus' eyes widened again. He contemplated the offer and then nodded. "I...all right, if you'd like." It was probably crazy, but suddenly Remus didn't care. They were both survivors, after all, and to be honest, Remus had been a bit lonely of late. Oh, Sirius was company of a sort, but he wasn't always around when Remus wanted someone to talk to, and there were certain issues that just seemed too odd to discuss with a ghost. Not that he was certain he could discuss them with Severus, but... well, Remus had always had a desire for Severus to like him, and this seemed like an unbelievable opportunity. "I take it you're close by, then? Living in Hogsmeade?"  
  
"I'm living at Hogwarts, actually," Severus replied, and his pleasure at the possibility of spending time with Remus was mirrored in his relaxed features. "Minerva would like me to be prepared to teach Potions in the upcoming school year, and she has given me access to the facilities at the school while I embark on an accelerated course of study."  
  
"Hogwarts?" Remus laughed then, but he held up an apologetic hand. "Sorry, really, I'm so sorry. It's just... well, you always seemed to hate teaching. I loved it, but you always seemed to despise it and the students. Not that you weren't good at potions, though... but I just never imagined that you would ever want to teach again, given a choice."  
  
Severus tucked away that bit of new information about himself for later consideration. "I don't remember having done it, so I don't know if I will hate it or not," he replied, shrugging negligently. "Minerva offered me a job and a chance to relearn skills she said I possessed, and I took it. It seemed a better option than remaining on the Ministry's pension given they seem unreliable at best. Was I a horrible teacher, then?"  
  
Remus' laughter died at the mention of the Ministry, and he sighed again. "You're right about the Ministry. Don't trust them, and never, ever depend on them to do what's right for you. You're much better off with Minerva. She's always liked you, and she'll do what's in your best interest. I don't know if she told you, but she taught us both back when we were in school. She's a good woman and a good teacher."  
  
The question about Severus being a horrible teacher was a little harder to address. "You weren't a horrible teacher," he said slowly. "You know potions like no one else. You've brewed the most difficult things, and you never made mistakes. I'm not at all surprised Minerva wants you back teaching." Hopefully that would satisfy Severus' curiosity, at least until Remus could think of a tactful way to tell Severus that he was also the most feared teacher in the history of the school.  
  
"You're answering my question without really answering my question," Severus said, amused by the attempted evasion. "I suppose that means I wasn't very good. Perhaps I will be better this time." He tilted his head, regarding Remus speculatively. "Or perhaps I could better myself with some help. I've no idea how to plan lessons or teach anyone anything. Would you be willing to help me? It won't be the same as teaching yourself, of course, but if you loved teaching, you must have been reasonably good at it."  
  
"I think I did all right," Remus said, shrugging uncomfortably. Then he looked at Severus directly, his expression somber. "Look... I want to help you, but there's something you need to know. Ironically, it's something that has stood between us for almost thirty years, and you might change your mind once you know." He twisted his hands together, suddenly uncomfortable; which was ridiculous. Severus knew before, and everyone knew now, and he might as well just get it over with. "I'm a werewolf," he blurted out, flushing again and dropping his gaze. "It's one reason why you hated me. I'm not sure that you even considered me quite human, and... well, I don't blame you if you don't want me to help you now, all right?"  
  
Severus stared at him blankly for a long moment, and then he rolled his eyes. "I've discovered I live in a world where portraits are willing to hold a conversation with me, there are creatures that can suck out your memories, there are potions that will turn you into someone else, and there are spells that will make someone belch slugs. In the wake of all that, how the devil am I meant to find you being a werewolf shocking?" he demanded, his tone acerbic.  
  
Remus lifted his gaze, looking up at Severus uncertainly. Of all the things he'd ever expected Severus to say, that wasn't one of them. Not when it had been such an issue for so long. But he probably ought to tell Severus the rest of it. "But it's more complicated than that. One of my friends once played a trick on you, you see. You didn't know I was a werewolf. Back when we were in school, that is. You used to follow us around, trying to find out where I went every month. My friend... he told you where to find me. On the night of the full moon. I could have killed you, but another friend saved you, thank Merlin." For some reason telling Severus this, admitting it out loud, was oddly painful. "I'm sorry about that. You were put in danger in a way you never should have been, and it was my fault. Then it was covered up to protect me. That's why you hated me, Severus. You never forgave me for it, and I can't say that I blame you."  
  
"That was a terrible thing to do," Severus said, frowning as he mulled over what Remus had said. He captured Remus' gaze, searching his face and eyes for any sign of duplicity. "But did you know what your friend intended?" he asked, knowing the answer to that question would determine whether he could indeed pursue a friendship - or more - with Remus or not.  
  
Remus recoiled in horror at the very idea. "No! Oh, God, no," he said quickly. "I could never wish my curse on anyone! I've never bitten another human, and I think I'd want to die if I did. It's... it awful. I wouldn't wish my curse on anyone, not for any reason! My friend... he was stupid, angry, and very foolish. He didn't even think about the fact that if I _had_ bitten you, the Ministry would have had me put down. Our friendship was never the same after that. It led to so much distrust between us that we each believed that the other had sold out to Voldemort."  
  
Severus released a quiet sigh of relief and relaxed again; Remus' horror at the mere idea of harming someone seemed genuine, and Severus was willing to believe him. "Then it was your friend's fault, not yours," he said. "He _was_ stupid and foolish to do something like that, and he used you, but you are not responsible for his actions. I'm glad you told me about what happened, but it doesn't create an obstacle to us becoming friends as far as I am concerned."  
  
"You really have changed," Remus said softly, looking at Severus with growing wonderment. "Thank you for saying that. You have no idea how much it means to me after all these years. It's odd, but... it somehow makes me feel a little better about it all." He smiled again. "So, we can be friends? I'd like that. And I'm willing to help you relearn things. Not potions, because I am, as someone once said, a hopeless dunderhead with them. My strengths are in charms and defense against the dark arts. If Minerva doesn't mind me being at Hogwarts, I can give you some time in the evenings. Or most evenings, at least. But not on Saturdays."  
  
"I will ask her," Severus replied, pleased by how things were turning out. Not only was he going to have help with lessons and relearning his own life, but he would be receiving that help from an attractive man. "I doubt she will object, however." He regarded Remus with one eyebrow raised questioningly, a sudden, unpleasant thought occurring to him. What if Remus couldn't meet on Saturdays because of a significant other? "Why not on Saturdays?" he asked, deciding to be blunt about finding out what he wanted to do. If he needed to keep his hands to himself and not try to gauge whether Remus might possibly be interested in him, he wanted to know sooner rather than later. "Do you have a standing date?"  
  
"In a way," Remus said slowly. It was embarrassing to admit that he couldn't take care of his own child, but since Severus had been at the dubious mercy of the Ministry, he'd probably understand. "I have a son. Teddy. He's almost three months old, and he lives with my mother-in-law. My wife... Tonks, you knew her... well, she died in the war, and the Ministry won't let me have custody of my son because I'm a werewolf without a job or a home. But I get to see him on Saturdays."  
  
Severus thought his opinion of the competence and sense of justice the Ministry demonstrated couldn't get any lower, but he was wrong. He scowled fiercely, indignant on Remus' behalf and feeling sympathy as one victim of the Ministry to another. "Ludicrous!" he declared. "I have read in the newspaper that reforms are expected to be enacted now there is a new minister, but with the sheer volume of idiocy and corruption that seems to permeate the Ministry, I have my doubts whether the fellow will be able to do any good or not." He shook his head, utterly disgusted. "Right, not Saturdays, then. I will speak with Minerva, and if she has no objections to me having guests, I will be in touch via owl post to arrange a day and time for us to meet."  
  
The scowl, swift and fierce, was so much like the old Severus that Remus smiled. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. Yes, I've been fighting the stupidity for weeks, but without much luck. Apparently fighting for my country and dying for it - temporary though it may have been - wasn't enough to make me a good parent. But I have hope. I'm going to beat them at their own game, if I can. I have to... I owe it to my son." He sighed then. "You can reach me via owl at the boarding house in Hogsmeade. That's where I am at the moment, if I don't get tossed out. Just let me know."  
  
"I will." Severus stepped back with reluctance, sensing the encounter was coming to an end. It was clear Remus was working, and Severus knew he ought not keep Remus from it much longer. Besides, he needed to return to his own studies before he ended up wasting away the entire afternoon. Not that he considered meeting Remus a waste of time - not at all. "We will work out something, I'm sure." He paused, but he couldn't think of anything else to say that wouldn't be blatant procrastination, and so he lifted his hand in farewell and turned his steps back toward the castle, wondering if perhaps Rita Skeeter would find Remus' situation scandalous enough to write about next.


	2. Chapter 2

When he returned to the castle, Severus wrote a note to Minerva and made his way to the school owlery to send it; he supposed he might need to buy an owl of his own eventually, but he didn't need to send or receive much correspondence at this point, and he didn't see the point in spending the money on such an indulgence when he had free access to the school's owls. After that, he went to the library, but not to get more potions texts. No, this time, he was looking for information on werewolves.  
  
There wasn't as much available as he thought there would be. He found a couple of reference books on Dark creatures and an autobiography with the mawkish title, _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_ ; he also found a textbook on wizarding law that contained a small section devoted to laws governing werewolves. He carried the lot back to his quarters, sent for some tea, and settled in to read.  
  
He began with the textbook on law, and it took less than an hour of reading for him to go from annoyed to livid. When Minerva's response arrived, he was in such a temper than even her approval of Remus visiting the castle did little to assuage him. He kept the owl in the room and wrote a long tirade about the perfidy of the Ministry, venting his spleen to the fullest extent his vocabulary - and he had discovered it was extensive and inventive - would allow.  
  
He felt a little better after having a good rant, and after sending the owl off again, he reheated his tea and put the werewolf-related texts aside in favor of something more soothing, choosing a book on particularly nasty curse effects instead and imagining Ministry men like Twizzleby suffering them.  
  
With such visions to sweeten his slumber, he went to bed and slept very well indeed.  
  
The next day, Minerva paid him a call rather than responding to his tirade in writing, and she seemed both amused and sympathetic.  
  
"It isn't that I find your wrath amusing, Severus," she assured him as they sat in his little parlor. "It's just that it reminds me of the old you. I'm glad to see there are some things that losing your memories cannot change. You always did have rather high ideals when it came to fairness and justice, but they became warped along the way."  
  
"Did you like me?" Severus asked, regarding her curiously.  
  
She hesitated before answering. "I respected you," she said at last, and he let out a bark of laughter at finding himself confronted with evasion once again. "Well, you weren't all that likable," she added, a hint of tartness creeping into her voice.  
  
"So I gather," he replied, leaning back in his chair and steepling his fingers. "I have yet to meet anyone who did like me or whom I liked. Granted, I have not met many people, but it does seem to be an emerging pattern."  
  
"It wasn't without good reason," she said in a gentler tone. "You had a hard life, Severus. Some of the hardships were of your own making, but some..." She shook her head, her expression sympathetic. "Some were beyond your control, yet they shaped your life and your personality and not in the best of ways."  
  
"And then I almost died."  
  
"Yes." She hesitated again, seeming on the verge of saying more. "I was the one who found you. I say that not to demand thanks or gratitude, but to shed light on our former relationship. You, Albus, and I - we were all conspirators. I knew you and Albus planned his death, and I knew you were on our side all along. That is why I remained at the school while you were headmaster. You gave me information you gathered from Voldemort and his followers, and I passed it along to the Order. You always informed me when Voldemort summoned you in case something went wrong, and on that particular occasion, it did. The snake that attacked you had previously attacked a member of the Order, and after that, the three of us made preparations in case the same thing happened to someone else in the Order, especially you. I knew what to do, and it saved your life, but I never imagined you would lose so much anyway. For that, I am sorry."  
  
"But I _am_ grateful to be alive," Severus replied, meeting her gaze and letting her see the truth of his words. "I consider being dead or spending the remainder of my life in prison far worse than being left without memories. I am free to rebuild my life, and perhaps it will be a happier one from now on."  
  
"I do hope so," she said, a fervency in her voice that surprised him. "It isn't often second chances like this one come around."  
  
"I have no intention of wasting it," he assured her. "Now - back to the subject at hand. Is there anything that can be done? I've read the texts. I realize werewolves are dangerous creatures for a few hours each month, but surely we should be attempting to make living with this curse easier, not more difficult! They _are_ human, not monsters."  
  
"I agree," Minerva replied with a firm nod. "But many people are afraid of them. It will be a difficult prejudice to overcome."  
  
"It seems until now, no one has _tried_ to overcome it," he said tartly. "But if the laws show mercy, it will set a good example for the general populace. The question is, will the Ministry listen? It took Rita Skeeter to get me released from prison. I suspect they would have been happy to keep their little mistake tucked away behind bars had she not made their duplicity public."  
  
"You mentioned contacting her," Minerva said slowly, seeming to mull over the possibility. "If she is willing to address the issue of prejudice against werewolves, she might be of use. I will speak to Kingsley and see what reforms he is willing to make along those lines."  
  
"Kingsley... You mean the new minister?" Severus gave her a puzzled frown.  
  
"Yes, he was in the Order. You knew him, actually. He's a reasonable man and a good leader. If there is any hope for the Ministry to become a useful governing body again, it will be thanks to him."  
  
"Good to know." Severus nodded, encouraged by that endorsement. "I will speak with Remus about the possibility of telling his story to Ms. Skeeter. I would ask if there was any way he could be given a job here, but after reading those damnable laws, I know it is an impossibility," he growled, scowling anew.  
  
"The laws prohibit it at present, yes, and I imagine there would be an outcry from the parents if I hired a known werewolf to teach here," she said, her voice laden with regret. "Otherwise, I would do what I could to find a position for him. He was an excellent teacher, and the students adored him."  
  
"I suppose I need not bother to ask if they adored me," Severus said dryly, and she laughed and shook her head.  
  
"They feared you, and some hated you," she said, answering him frankly. "Remus used encouragement. You used intimidation. Both of you are - were - extremely knowledgeable about your respective subjects, but he was more popular simply because he didn't scare them as you did."  
  
Severus listened intently and nodded, not taking offense. He could scarcely think about his old self in relation to himself, not when he thought and felt so differently from the man he had been, and perhaps this time, he could avoid making the same mistakes. "Remus has agreed to help me prepare for teaching."  
  
"Good. I think you'll find what he has to say useful." She peered at him over her spectacles, a light of curiosity in her eyes. "I'm glad the two of you are becoming reacquainted. I think it will be good for both of you. Since you're so keen on werewolf issues, does that mean you have agreed to brew the Wolfsbane Potion for him again?"  
  
He frowned, puzzled. "The what potion?"  
  
"Ah, you must not have come across that one yet." She waved one hand negligently. "Kindly ask me nothing about the details of making it. Potions was never my strong point, and all I know is that it is difficult to brew, but you were skilled enough to make it, and it allows the werewolf who drinks it to retain his or her human mind while in wolf form."  
  
Indeed, Severus had _not_ seen any reference to that potion yet, but he made a mental note to look it up as soon as possible. He had been putting off moving from theoretical potion brewing to actual potion brewing, but this gave him the incentive to make that leap. He knew he wouldn't be anywhere near ready to try a difficult potion, but he could start with easy potions and work his way up. If he regained his former skill and expertise, he would eventually be able to offer the potion to Remus again, and it would be a small way to make his life easier and to repay him for his help.  
  
Besides, he thought as he settled back in his chair and prepared to move on to less volatile subjects, that was what friends were for.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Don't you want your bottle? Come on, Teddy, it's nice and warm."  
  
Remus' voice was coaxing, but the tiny boy in his arms puckered up his face and turned away from the nipple. He scrubbed one chubby fist across his eyes, then yawned widely, before blue eyes - well, blue for the moment anyway - slid closed. Remus sighed, setting the bottle aside in favor of stroking his fingers over his son's silken blond hair. That color, like his eyes, was subject to change, although Remus was fairly certain that the blue and blond were Teddy's natural coloring. Everything else, of course, was a legacy from his mother - the mother he would never know.  
  
Holding Teddy close, Remus set the rocker to moving with one foot, humming softly to himself as Teddy snuggled down for a nap. These were the precious times for Remus, when he got to have his son to himself for a day. Usually they just stayed in his room or went for a walk around the peaceful village. It didn't matter, really, what they did; it was the time spent together that was important. Andromeda took good care of Teddy, Remus couldn't dispute that, but he was afraid Teddy would forget him, pining for parents that weren't there to hold him and care for him and soothe him when he cried.  
  
Remus could acknowledge that in almost every way, his marriage to Tonks had been a mistake. Sirius was right about that bit, at least, and Remus had even tried those same arguments with Tonks before Albus' death. But that event had shaken all of them so profoundly that in a moment of weakness, Remus had relented, seeking comfort with the only person who'd seemed to care about him at all. Then it had turned out Tonks was pregnant, and Remus' life had changed in ways he'd never imagined. All of the fears he'd had about their incompatibility had been true, and Remus had been petrified of being a father. His own father hadn't been able to protect him from Greyback, had he? And Remus had to worry about what could happen to any child of his, given the war and everything they were up against.  
  
Despite his initial misgivings, however, Remus loved his son deeply. He had felt guilty about that, too - loving his child far more deeply than he ever could have loved Tonks. Andromeda blamed him for that and for her daughter's death, and she looked at him with so much pain and dislike that Remus could barely stand to be in her presence. But he did so for Teddy's sake; if he couldn't take care of his son, then Andromeda was the next best person, no matter what she felt about her son-in-law. Remus just hoped that someday he'd be able to have Teddy back, for the two of them to build a life together, for him to be able to watch his son grow and flourish.  
  
Remus didn't know how long he sat there, rocking Teddy and dreaming about having a home for them. Nothing fancy, really, just a small place with a garden for Teddy to play in. Big enough for a dog, perhaps; boys should have dogs to run and play with. Remus could almost see it - Teddy laughing, running through the grass with the sun shining, a huge, furry black mutt at his heels. A smile curved Remus' lips at that, because no doubt Sirius would insist on being there, too, so Teddy would have another kind of canine companion as well.  
  
A knock on the door roused him, and Teddy started in his arms, eyes flying wide before he screwed up his face and began to cry. Remus groaned and stood, cradling Teddy against his shoulder as he crossed to the door. He opened it, revealing Andromeda on the other side.  
  
"It's time Teddy was going home. It's almost time for him to go to bed," she said brusquely, glancing around Remus' small room with a frown. "Come here, my darling boy. Grandmother will take you home to your nice soft crib."  
  
Remus tightened his grip on the baby. "Time already?" he said, craning around to look at the clock. With dismay, he noted it was later than he'd thought. He must have dozed off as well while he'd been holding Teddy.  
  
He wanted to tell Andromeda to go away, that he'd bring Teddy back later, but he knew she was right, and he wasn't going to beg. Teddy needed the stability of his own bed, and Remus needed to work in the morning. Disengaging Teddy from where the baby had grabbed fistfuls of his hair, Remus cuddled him for a moment before placing a gentle kiss on the top of Teddy's head. "I love you," he murmured. "Be a good boy for your grandmother, and I'll come get you next Saturday."  
  
With that, he handed his son over to Andromeda, swallowing against the painful lump in his throat. "I'll be over earlier next week. I'd like to take Teddy to see Minerva."  
  
Andromeda's mouth tightened as though she were going to object, but she nodded as she wrapped Teddy in his blanket. "Very well, then. But he does have to be in bed on time, Remus, or he gets cranky. Until Saturday, then." With that, she turned away and walked off down the hall, leaving Remus standing in the doorway, staring after them and feeling as though his heart were being ripped out. It was the same feeling he had every time he watched Teddy being carried away.  
  
He stood there until Andromeda's footsteps faded, then he turned back into his room, rubbing his eyes which were prickling painfully. Moving back to the rocking chair, Remus sank slowly down into it again. Teddy's bottle - cold now - was still on the table, and Remus picked it up, holding it in his hands and staring at it sightlessly. A push from a foot set the chair to rocking again, and Remus didn't move from it until the sun rose hours later.  
  


* * *

  
  
After his sleepless night, Remus had gone to work, for once welcoming the physical labor as a distraction from his thoughts. Rosmerta's garden had been completed on Friday, but Remus had been fortunate enough to have been offered a job trimming a huge old oak tree belonging to one of her neighbors. This had, oddly enough, meant that he'd had to talk to a dryad, for the tree was old and large enough to have attracted one of the wood nymphs to it. She'd been coy, hiding behind the trunk, her bark-colored skin and green hair making her all but invisible, but after some initial trepidation when he'd explained what he wanted to do, she had nodded permission. It was for the benefit of the tree, after all, to keep its spreading branches from growing too near the chimney of the house, where a stray spark might cause a very unfortunate fire.  
  
When he'd returned to his room, there had been an owl waiting for him, and he'd been both surprised and relieved. Surprised because Severus had actually taken him up on his offer to help him with magic, and relieved because it meant he had something to keep him from becoming too morose. He was always a bit down on the day after visiting with Teddy, because it reminded him how much he missed his son. Having a task to focus on would help, and if it meant he was lending assistance to someone who needed it, so much the better.  
  
"Where are you going?" Sirius asked, materializing in the rocking chair as Remus as brushed his hair, which was still damp from the shower he had taken in preparation for going to Hogwarts. "Hot date? What's his name?"  
  
Remus rolled his eyes as Sirius waggled his spectral eyebrows. He'd not mentioned his encounter with Severus to Sirius, because he wasn't certain he was prepared to deal with the tirade of objections Sirius was certain to raise. Not that Sirius could stop him, of course, but Remus had no doubts that even if Severus wouldn't remember his hatred of Sirius, the reverse wasn't true. Perhaps later he would bring it up casually, if Sirius hadn't discovered it for himself by that time. Remus wasn't sure just where Sirius went when he wasn't in Remus' room, but Remus wouldn't be surprised if Padfoot's old "haunts" had now become quite literal.  
  
"I'm going to Hogwarts, if you must know. Boring stuff. Research. You wouldn't be interested," Remus replied, setting his brush back down on the dresser and looking at his reflection in the mirror. It didn't matter what he looked like, of course; this was merely a friend helping a friend, and Severus probably wouldn't notice. But for some reason, Remus had put on his nicest robes, which were still on the shabby side, but they were clean and neat. It helped to give him confidence, to feel like he wasn't a complete failure, even if he was going through some difficult times at the moment.  
  
To his surprise, Sirius said nothing, merely looked at him speculatively before nodding. "Have fun, then. I'm off to hang about the Three Broomsticks for a while," he drawled, before winking at Remus and fading away.  
  
Remus shook his head; Sirius was no better at lying now that he was dead than he had been alive, and Remus was quite certain that Sirius would be creeping around the corridors of the school in short order, trying to find out what Remus was up to. With any luck, he'd not think to check the dungeons, or perhaps the Bloody Baron would be territorial enough to keep a ghostly Gryffindor out of his sanctum.  
  
Finally satisfied that he looked suitably neat, though perhaps a bit more tattered than he would like, Remus left his room, heading out of the rooming house and toward the well remembered path to Hogwarts.  
  
Severus glanced around the small parlor of his personal quarters, checking for anything that might be out of place for the umpteenth time; he wasn't certain why it mattered that his quarters were impeccable because this wasn't a date, and he didn't need to bother trying to impress Remus. It had been a disappointment to learn Remus had been married and had a child; the revelation had effectively dashed Severus' hopes of pursuing anything more than friendship with him. Still, at least Severus knew his own sexual orientation, which was helpful, and at least he would have a friend, which was a promising way to start rebuilding his life.  
  
Of course, it was a bit puzzling that the memories he had been shown centered so much around a red-haired woman who had been identified as Harry's mother. When he had brought the Pensieve, Harry indicated he thought Severus had been in love with his mother. Lily. Certainly the memories themselves supported that interpretation, but Severus felt no attraction to her. He recognized that she had been a pretty girl, but she didn't make his heart speed up or his skin tingle the way looking at Remus did. Upon reflection, he thought perhaps his old self had been so desperate for one person to like and accept him or so desperate for something normal about himself, he had latched on to her obsessively, ignoring his own true preferences. He didn't doubt the old Severus Snape had loved her, but he doubted he had been _in_ love with her.  
  
He smoothed his hands down the front of his robes - black, austere, lined with jet buttons. He had been released from prison with only the clothes on his back, which were in sorry shape, but he had liked the style of them, and so when he had gone shopping, he had bought robes that were as similar as he could find; he rather like the billow effect when he moved, although he did get one set of robes in dark green just for variety. He had groomed carefully, wanting to look presentable even if Remus wouldn't notice, and although he disliked admitting it, he was nervous. Still, he had managed to keep from pacing, but if Remus wasn't on time, he couldn't guarantee he would be able to refrain much longer.  
  
It was a pleasant evening, the summer sun still high in the sky, and there would be a long twilight as well. Not that Remus was afraid of being out in the dark, but it was pleasant to be able to enjoy the walk, remembering the pleasant times he'd had as a boy when he'd walked this way with his friends, pockets filled with sweets and mind full of plans for the future. Nothing had turned out as they had imagined it back then, of course, but there was no sense in dwelling on the things that couldn't be changed. It was enough, he told himself, to have a goal and the drive to make it happen.  
  
Before long, he had arrived at the school and was admitted by a house elf, who nodded and said that Master Snape was in his quarters. Remus remembered the way there quite well, too, and so he declined an offer for assistance and headed off toward the stairs leading down to the dungeons. A few minutes later, he was standing at Severus' door, and he knocked softly, feeling inexplicably shy about this. Perhaps it was because he knew where Severus' quarters were, but he'd never been inside, not even during the year when he'd been teaching. It seemed oddly intimate, as though he were being allow to view another side of Severus, a personal one he'd never seen before.  
  
Severus had been listening intently for the sound of knocking, and he had to force himself not to dart over to open the door like some eager boy with a crush. Instead, he walked slowly and opened the door, greeting Remus with a small but pleased smile. "Thank you for coming," he said, stepping aside to let Remus in. "Come in and make yourself comfortable. I've arranged for dinner to be sent up shortly. I wasn't certain what you might like, but I imagine there will be a variety of choices." He realized he was on the verge of babbling nervously and made himself stop talking.  
  
Remus blinked in surprise at the welcome Severus gave him. The smile alone was enough to be disconcerting coming from a face Remus remembered more for its scowls, but the offer of dinner certainly added to the feeling of oddness. He probably shouldn't have been surprised given that Severus had invited him, but two days had been long enough for Remus to have half-convinced himself that Severus hadn't been quite as friendly as Remus remembered from their first encounter. But it seemed that his recall was not in error after all, and he smiled in a somewhat dazed fashion as he accepted the invitation, crossing the threshold into Severus' quarters and looking around with frank curiosity.  
  
"Do you know, your quarters were a cause for a great deal of speculation among the students," he said, turning to look at Severus with a rather sheepish smile. "I have to say, it's far more normal than any of them would have believed."  
  
Severus glanced around the room, more to keep himself from staring at Remus; as attractive as Remus had looked when he was sweaty and dirty, he was even more attractive all cleaned up, and Severus felt an odd little clenching in his stomach every time he looked at Remus. "Is it? I must wonder what they expected, then." He crossed the room to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of the hearth and invited Remus to join him with a gesture. "I assume things are as they used to be. Minerva said she had all the things that were left behind packed up and stored here at the school, and she had everything reinstated before I returned. I don't remember any of it, but I like it. It feels comfortable." He paused and inclined his head in wry acknowledgment. "As comfortable as a dungeon can be, of course."  
  
"I imagine it does feel comfortable, considering you lived here for many years," Remus said, moving to take the seat Severus indicated. "You look like yourself, too, with those robes. Just like the ones you used to wear to teach. I think you're a man of surprises, Severus, and that you always have been. Like this." He lifted a hand, indicating the neat, comfortable room, which seemed to reflect Severus' personality in a surprising way. "The students often wondered if you had the shrunken heads of unfortunate classmates on your mantle, or maybe torture implements hanging on your walls. I'd even heard a couple of them speculating that you had handcuffs and chains and mirrored ceilings for more nefarious pursuits. It's amazing sometimes what lycanthrope hearing picks up."  
  
"Torture implements? Chains? Dear Merlin..." Severus wasn't certain whether to be appalled or amused. Minerva had said he'd been feared as a teacher, but he'd never imagined it was so bad that such speculation ran rampant about him. "Well, if there were any such things or any shrunken heads, Minerva decided not to return them to me, and I admit I am glad."  
  
"It's just adolescent imagination," Remus said soothingly, seeing the way Severus seemed a little torn over his teasing words, and he decided to put him at ease if he could by revealing something about himself in return. "You'll find that out again, once you start teaching. They did it with me as well, you know. Since I was away once per month and tired for several days afterward, there were rumors flying about that I was undergoing some bizarre magical treatment for a chronic illness. That one wasn't so bad, really, given that it's not too far from the truth. What really shocked me was the speculation that I had a vampire lover who was draining me of blood, leaving me weak and sickly. The things teenage minds can come up with!" He rolled his eyes and chuckled.  
  
"Indeed!" Severus shook his head. "Perhaps this time, they will accuse me of being a vampire myself, only pretending not to have died to cover the fact that I rose from the grave as one of the undead. What do you think?" He waved one hand to encompass the room. "Should I add some cobwebs and bats to foster the notion?"  
  
Remus laughed outright at that. It felt good to share in Severus' sense of humor, since apparently he had a surprising appreciation of the absurd. It felt good to laugh at all, especially after the way he had been feeling all day long. "Cobwebs gather too much dust, and bat squeaks give me a headache. I think you're better off without them. Except maybe at Halloween - one must make allowances for the season, after all."  
  
"What is Halloween?" Severus asked, giving him a curious look. "Some sort of wizard holiday? I've been so busy studying magic, I haven't had much time to learn about more mundane matters."  
  
Startled, Remus gasped. "You don't even remember Halloween?" He looked at Severus with sympathy. They really had taken everything, it seemed, and suddenly Remus felt angry at the Ministry on Severus' behalf. It wasn't right or fair to have taken away everything from him, the bad and the good too. Of course, if Severus hadn't lost his memories, they wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation, but that still didn't change the fact that Severus had been the victim of psychic rape in Remus' opinion.  
  
He leaned closer to Severus. "You used to like Halloween. It's a holiday, yes, but not just for wizards. Muggles celebrate it, too. There is a very long history about the way it's developed over time, but basically, it's a day celebrating spooky things. Ghosts and ghouls and bats and werewolves, even, although the Muggles don't believe any of it is real. Tradition says that on Halloween night, all the scary things come out, and the children participate by dressing up in costumes and pretending. It's a lot of fun, I think, because we try to take the things that really can be frightening and make them less so by pretending to _be_ them. Well, in my case, I really am one, but you get my meaning."  
  
"Speaking of which, I've been reading about werewolves." Remus' comment abruptly reminded Severus of one of the matters he wished to discuss with Remus, and he rose to his feet to collect the books he'd found in the library and showed them to Remus. "The laws are appalling, but it's little wonder the general populace are so ignorant and prejudiced. There has been little written about werewolves, just snippets here and there. The only book written on the subject is this autobiography. It's as if the entire subject is some dirty little secret to be hidden away!"  
  
Remus was surprised by Severus' vehemence, and he stood as well, crossing to Severus and taking one of the books from his hand. He was touched that Severus seemed to care so much, especially given how Severus had felt about him before. This new side of Severus was definitely appealing, and Remus wondered if this is how Severus _could_ have been before, if both their lives had been a bit different and the animosity which had surrounded them hadn't been there.  
  
"That's exactly how most people feel, though," he said quietly, looking up at Severus with gratitude in his eyes. "It's easier to sweep us under the rug and pretend we don't exist than to try to deal with the prejudices of the entire Wizarding world. I was petrified that if people knew what I was, they would hate and fear me, and that's exactly what's happened. Not everyone, of course - there are intelligent, sympathetic people who understand that while the curse might turn me into a monster once every month, it's not who or what I truly am, and it's not something I asked for or can help. But then there are the werewolves who really are _monsters_ , the ones who deliberately maim, kill, or infect other humans for spite, for fun, for revenge. It only takes one of those kind to ruin it for the rest of us who are just trying to live normal lives and who would never dream of hurting anyone. The suicide rate among lycanthropes is very high; some can't take the pain, some would rather die than live in fear of hurting or killing another, and some... well, when society makes it impossible to hold a good job or even have custody of your own children, it's easy to succumb to despair."  
  
Severus listened with growing concern, and he put the books he held aside and rested his hand lightly on Remus' arm, wanting some little bit of contact not just for himself but for Remus' sake as well. "I hope you have not been tempted to succumb," he said. "You said you almost died just as I did, but you survived too. Surely there is a reason for that, if nothing else than your will to survive was strong enough to overcome death. Your circumstances are bad now, but things may change. A few weeks ago, I was in prison with no hope of release. Now I am here." He found himself absently rubbing Remus' arm with his thumb and made himself stop before he could give away too much of his ever-growing attraction. "Things can get better for you too, and I have an idea that may speed things along, if you do not object to it."  
  
Severus was _touching_ him.  
  
Remus almost missed what Severus was saying, so startled was he by the fact that Severus was, of his own free will, laying a hand upon him in a friendly gesture. He could recall the few times Severus had ever touched him before, always when handing over the goblet of Wolfsbane Potion while Remus was teaching at Hogwarts. Whenever their fingers had brushed by accident in passing over the goblet, Severus had always drawn back sharply, as though the merest contact with Remus' skin might somehow contaminate him. This was very different; Severus' hand was warm even through the fabric of Remus' robes, and Remus could feel the brief moments where Severus actually stroked him with his thumb in a soothing motion. Then Severus' words sank in, and Remus blinked as he forced himself to focus his attention on the conversation.  
  
"Oh, no, no objections," he said, drawing in a breath and managing a distracted smile. He was still acutely aware of the warmth and pressure of Severus' touch, and it made him feel strange, an odd flutter rippling down his spine. "Thank you, Severus. I appreciate your desire to help me, especially since you have your own problems to deal with."  
  
Lifting his free hand, Remus placed it over Severus', daring a light contact in return. It seemed that Severus really did want to be his friend, and Remus realized just how desperately he needed friends right now. "As for the other... I have, in the past, considered ending my life. There were times when it seemed I had nothing to live for and every reason to die. But I didn't succumb then, and I won't now. I owe that to my son, at the very least. I have to be here for him, if for nothing else."  
  
Severus nodded, satisfied and relieved - and suddenly rather warm as well. A tingle spread from his hand where Remus was touching him and sizzled along his nerve endings. He knew what arousal felt like; he had discovered the pleasures of wanking, but he never imagined arousal caused by another person's touch could feel so much more intense. He reminded himself sternly that Remus didn't share his preferences, but his body didn't seem to want to listen.  
  
"Yes, your son does need you, and that is a very good reason to stay alive, but perhaps you will soon find other reasons as well," he said, forcing himself to focus on the topic at hand as a distraction from his wayward desires; he supposed removing his hand from Remus' arm might help, but he didn't want to. "At any rate, helping you is no trouble at all." He paused, considering what Remus had said. "I don't really feel like I have problems," he mused. "I am free, I am alive, I have a place to live and fascinating courses of study to pursue, and I have the promise of a job if I can re-learn potions well enough. Compared to my situation of only a few weeks ago, this is paradise."  
  
He shrugged and smiled wryly. "People keep saying they are sorry for me because I have lost my memories, which I appreciate, but I don't entirely understand it. I cannot miss what I don't remember, and the more I learn about my old self and my old life, the less I feel I have to regret in losing them. I _am_ angry with the Ministry for doing this to me in the first place, and I am glad their folly was publicly exposed, but things have taken a turn for the better, and I am learning quickly."  
  
"I've always known you were an intelligent man, but I never knew you were wise as well," Remus replied, his eyes full of admiration. "You are, you know. You have an attitude toward your situation that I envy and an optimism that makes me feel as though I've been moping about like some morose adolescent. You've lost far more than I have, and yet you are able to look at the positives of your situation. I know that I'm here to teach you, but I think I'm learning a thing or two as well."  
  
Remus meant every word; that Severus Snape could be so positive was rather eye opening for him. He needed to look at the positives as well; he might not have Teddy yet, but his son was thriving and well cared for, and Remus himself was alive, which was a blessing in itself. He did have employment of a sort and a roof over his head. And friends... the newest of which was the most unlikely thing of all. But also perhaps the best.  
  
"The intuitive wisdom of the innocent, perhaps," Severus replied, although he was pleased by Remus' praise. "I am a newborn of sorts, even though I am in a..." He broke off and shook his head. "I have not even thought to ask anyone how old I am, so I don't know how old this body is. I can look at my face and see I am not a young man, yet I have the opportunity to learn everything about the world anew. Minerva said second chances such as this one don't come along often, and she was more right than she knew. I doubt there are many people in the history of the world who have had the chance to live their life over again in a way. Perhaps this time, I will make better decisions."  
  
"I have no doubt about that," Remus said, smiling encouragingly. "She's right, too - it can be a gift, if you look at it from a certain perspective. Merlin knows that I'd give a lot to not be haunted by my past or my own mistakes; I think I could actually come to envy you that purity of spirit. Plus you can rebuild your life from the viewpoint of an adult, without all the choices your parents or others might have made for you that ended up causing their own problems." He paused, thinking for a moment. "And for the record, you're thirty eight years old. I believe your birthday is in January, because I know you're a couple of months older than I am, and mine is in March. So you're not so old as you think, especially for a wizard."  
  
"Really?" Severus regarded him quizzically. "Do we have long lifespans, then?"  
  
Releasing Remus' arm at last, he reached up to touch his face, assimilating this new information. He was thirty-eight and born in January. That didn't sound old at all, but he supposed hardship and care had aged him. Not that he thought he looked haggard by any means, but he thought Remus looked younger than he did except for the grey hair. He rather liked his own face, though, lines and all; he thought it had character, especially his nose.  
  
"Oh, yes," Remus replied, trying not to feel a sense of loss as Severus moved his hand. Beyond the fact that it was odd for Severus to touch him, people rarely touched werewolves at all by choice, and Remus found that he liked the physical contact. But he simply nodded and continued with his explanation. "Wizards can live well over a hundred years, and some far longer than that. There is even a magical means of becoming immortal, although I've only heard of one wizard who did so. That was part of what Voldemort wanted, as a matter of fact. He wanted to live forever, and he performed some of the darkest, most evil magics in order to attain his goal."  
  
"Harry sent me some information that touched on the subject of Voldemort's quest for immortality, but it didn't go into detail," Severus said, nodding. "I think I would rather _not_ know, frankly. Resurrection will suffice for me without trying to pursue immortality as well," he added, a ghost of a smile tugging his lips.  
  
Picking up the textbook on wizarding law, he cradled it in his hand, remembering he still had not mentioned _what_ his plan for trying to improve Remus' situation was. "Anyway, you said you would have no objections to my plan, but you don't even know what it is yet. Perhaps I had best tell you, and then you can say whether you are still interested or not. It will depend on how little you mind having your situation being made public knowledge."  
  
Remus tilted his head to one side, his brow furrowing in puzzlement. "Public knowledge? It's not a secret, really, but I'm not exactly sure what you mean."  
  
"I mean having it splashed all over the _Daily Prophet_ ," Severus replied. He put down the book and moved over to his writing desk to retrieve a sheaf of newspaper clippings - articles written about him by Rita Skeeter before he was released - and offered them to Remus. "When I told that little Ministry toad I wanted compensation for what they had done to me, he scarpered off, and I believe they had every intention of letting me rot in prison to keep their secret safe. If it hadn't been for these articles, I would likely still be there now. Rita Skeeter turned public opinion in my favor. If she could do it for me considering my old self committed murder, surely she could do the same for you."  
  
"Rita Skeeter?" Remus' eyes widened in horror as he took the clippings from Severus. He looked down at them numbly, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that the strumpet had done something that was helpful to another person besides herself. But as he read a few of the articles, it seemed that she _had_ , and he bit his lip, thinking about it.  
  
"I don't know," he said finally, feeling torn. "If she could do the same thing for me that she did for you, it might help, but... well, she's not known for being an altruistic person. She made a lot of trouble for Harry, until she seemed to suddenly change her mind about him." He looked at Severus, his eyes troubled. "It's not just me I have to consider, either. There's how this could affect Teddy someday, and I have no doubt Andromeda would have a seizure. Plus there are personal things that could be uncomfortable if they got printed. I don't know if it's worth the risk, but I appreciate you thinking of it and for wanting to help me."  
  
"Well, the decision is yours," Severus replied. "I am aware she was not being altruistic; she was quite honest about wanting stories that would make her look good and someone else, preferably the Ministry, look bad - the more scandalous, the better. But I had nothing to lose. You do, and that makes a difference. Giving her the story would generate attention quickly, but there are other avenues to explore." He held up one hand and ticked off points on his fingers. "Minerva said the new Minister is from the Order, so he might be sympathetic. There are letter-writing campaigns to the Ministry, letters to the editor, petitions - none of which have to be connected to you personally."  
  
Remus looked startled. "I'd never considered any of that," he said slowly. "Kingsley might be able to help, although he has all that bureaucratic red tape to deal with. The others... they are possibilities, I think. Maybe one of them would help change a few minds, and that certainly couldn't hurt. Plus it would be for more than just me and my situation that way. I know there must be other werewolves with even worse difficulties than mine. Maybe it could make a difference for them, too." He smiled widely at Severus. "I never knew you could be such a political activist. But then you were always good at anything you set your mind to. I think that it's part of what intimidated people about you. Your sheer force of will."  
  
Severus smiled blandly and shrugged. "Minerva says I had high ideals regarding fairness and justice, but they were warped. Perhaps the crusader's fire, as she has taken to calling it, I feel now is what existed in me then but was channeled in different directions. I confess to having something of a grudge against the Ministry to begin with, but after reading these laws..." He scowled fiercely. "It is unacceptable, and the worst thing is, it doesn't seem to me that anyone has tried to do anything about it. _Why_ have there not been petitions and such before? The prejudice may be ingrained out of fear, but if the laws were changed, society would eventually follow."  
  
"Perhaps they would at that," Remus replied softly. "And I consider myself very lucky that you consider my cause worth crusading for. You know, my friends in school supported me, and Albus and Minerva did, too, but I think you are the first person who's ever offered to fight for me, to help me get the same rights everyone else has. Thank you for that, Severus. I don't know how I could possibly begin to repay you for that kind of support."  
  
Severus gazed at Remus a long time, searching his face, memorizing all the little details - and feeling himself growing more smitten in the process. "Some things are worth fighting for," he said quietly. "I'm not doing this with thought of repayment or debt, but because I believe it is the right thing to do. If you want to repay me, we shall consider your assistance in reacquainting me with myself, with magic, and with this world all the repayment needed, because to me, that is invaluable."  
  
"It would be my pleasure." Remus couldn't help but smile. For the first time, he felt as though he weren't fighting alone, and it made him feel like he might have a chance of winning. He rubbed his hands together. "So, shall we get started, then? What would you like to start with first? Charms? Defense? History? Or shall I tell you everything I know about you?"  
  
Remus' smile was infectious, and Severus found himself answering it with a small smile of his own. "Charms, I think. I'm having difficulty with the swish and flick technique the book describes."  
  
With that, he went to fetch the charms spell books he had been studying, and he couldn't say whether he was more eager to learn or more eager to spend time with Remus. Both, he found, were rapidly becoming the highlights of his life.  
  


* * *

  
  
"So how was your research?"  
  
Remus looked up from the shingle he was nailing, unsurprised to see Sirius hovering above the roof of Evard Preswick's cottage. Or barely see, as the case actually was, for the bright sunlight made Sirius' translucent form almost invisible against the blue sky. He shrugged, tilting his chin so that the nails he held between his lips would make it obvious that he couldn't reply.  
  
Unfortunately, Sirius only took this as an encouragement to start talking. "What were you researching, anyway?" he asked, floating about so that he was in Remus' line of vision as he continued to set the shingle. "Are you planning to start teaching again? Or perhaps you're learning new spells to take on the Ministry? Or is there something at Hogwarts itself that has caught your attention? Or maybe someone? I bet that's it, isn't it? Who? Is there a new teacher? Or have you decided to have a go at Filius? Or what was that centaur's name? But please... not Hagrid! There are some things that just are too horrific to contemplate."  
  
Remus spat out the nails and glared at Sirius. "What in the devil? Sirius, please! I'm trying to work!" He didn't want to talk to Sirius about Severus, at least not yet. The time he'd spent with Severus the previous evening had been pleasant... probably the most relaxing time Remus had had since before Albus' death. There was no pressure, no expectations, no subtle manipulations or broad hints. For the first time in longer than he could remember, Remus was able to talk to someone who listened to him and understood, who was interested in what he had to say. He'd always known that Severus was intelligent, but Remus was fast learning that he was interesting as well, and he wondered how things might have been different in both their lives if, long ago, he'd been able to be Severus' friend. None of which was anything that he felt like sharing with Sirius at the moment.  
  
"Work, yeah," Sirius said, obviously uninterested in the mundanities of life and intent on getting information out of Remus. "Come on, Moony! Something's going on, and I can't figure out what it is! You have to tell me, not knowing is killing me!"  
  
"You're already dead," Remus pointed out helpfully, only to be rewarded by a baleful spectral glare. Then his brow furrowed. "Were you at Hogwarts last night? Is that why you're so frustrated? You tried to follow me and couldn't?"  
  
"That blasted Bloody Baron!" Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "It seems that the ghosts there can keep other ghosts out if they are so inclined, and believe me, he was inclined! And that idiot, Peeves... Well, now I have cause to regret a few of the pranks I played on him back in the day."  
  
Remus couldn't help the smile that curved his lips. "So I should take this as a lesson that the things we do in life can come back to, if you will excuse the expression, _haunt_ us?"  
  
Sirius floated several feet up in the air out of agitation, and then suddenly, he started to laugh. "Okay, you got me on that one," he said as he settled back down toward the roof. "Come on, Moony! What were you doing? You have to tell me! You don't understand how boring it can be, just hanging around all the time. After a while, even the women's showers for the Holyhead Harpies get a bit mundane, when all you can do is look and not touch."  
  
Sighing, Remus put down his hammer, unable to resist the appealing look Sirius was giving him. He wasn't ready to make any revelations about Severus, but Severus himself had given Remus a plausible excuse. "I'm looking into things that might help me get Teddy back. I'm not sure if any of them will work, but it's going to take me far too long to fulfill the Ministry's demands. But I realized that some people feel, as I do, that the Ministry is wrong in holding me to a different standard than anyone else just because I'm a werewolf. So maybe if enough people notice and are willing to speak out, perhaps things can be changed. Not just for me, but for all lycanthropes. So I'm going to try to do it. Perhaps even going to the press if I have to in order to get someone to notice." The last bit was more of a bluff, since Remus still wasn't certain that using Rita Skeeter was a good idea, but Sirius didn't have to know that part either.  
  
Sirius' mouth fell open. "The press, Moony? Are you daft? Do you really think people will rally 'round the werewolf cause? They'll chew you up and spit you out!"  
  
Remus couldn't help the stab of hurt he felt at that, and it was on the tip of his tongue to blurt out that if Severus Snape was willing to 'rally 'round the cause', then there had to be other people who would as well. But he bit that back. Sirius had often been thoughtless in life, and death hadn't changed him that much. He also knew that Sirius didn't mean to hurt him; it was just his way of showing concern that Remus was doing something foolish. Although what constituted foolish behavior in Sirius' opinion was often very different from Remus'.  
  
"I still think it's worth a try," Remus said softly. "Besides, I really don't have anything to lose, do I? I don't have Teddy, I don't have a job, I don't have any money, and I don't have any other option."  
  
"Maybe...." Sirius replied slowly. "Of course, you could go to Harry..."  
  
"No." Remus shook his head emphatically. "Or at least not yet. But not for money, Sirius. Perhaps he might be willing to write a letter for me or something, though." He caught the speculative look on Sirius' face. "And no, Padfoot! You are _not_ to go to Harry about this behind my back. He has enough in his life right now than dealing with my problems, and I'd rather do it myself. I mean it! If I get the feeling you're going behind my back, I'll find an exorcist..."  
  
"You wouldn't!" Sirius gasped, but the look on Remus' face showed there was no arguing on this point. "Oh, all right. But you'll let me help somehow, won't you? Please?"  
  
Remus wasn't completely certain that Sirius had given up, but he nodded. "Of course you can help me. Maybe you could... talk to the other ghosts? Maybe some of them know something about trying to change Ministry policy? I certainly don't, and I could use any information I can get."  
  
"All right," Sirius nodded, and to Remus' surprise, he actually seemed to be thinking about it. Remus didn't know exactly who Sirius associated with in the spirit world, or if it would do any good for him to even try, but if it kept Sirius occupied and distracted him from following Remus to Hogwarts, it would be a gain.  
  
"Thanks, Padfoot," he said. "Now I hate to be dreadfully mortal, but I do have to finish this job before it gets dark."  
  
"Sure, Moony," Sirius said, then faded away with a jaunty, mocking salute.  
  
Remus sighed in relief, turning back to his work and setting about placing the next shingle. He felt a bit bad for keeping things from Sirius, but he just wasn't ready for Sirius to find out about Severus and perhaps vice versa. If ever there had been two people who had been instant antagonists, it was Severus and Sirius. Just because Severus couldn't remember it and Sirius was a ghost was no reason to believe that the two would be any less hostile toward each other when or if they met.  
  
No doubt they would find out about each other eventually, but not yet. And hopefully not any time soon.  



	3. Chapter 3

Although the morning skies had been grey and cloudy, the sun broke through and began to shine shortly before noon, much to Severus' relief. He had another meeting scheduled with Remus, and he had thought perhaps it might be enjoyable for them both to spend some time outside the dungeon, thus he had made arrangements for a picnic by the lake. The house-elves prepared a basket for him and provided everything he would need, including a large blanket, some large cushions, and a couple of throw pillows, and he set off a few minutes before their designated meeting time, wanting to have everything set up before Remus arrived.  
  
He found a shady spot beneath a tree close enough to the lake to hear the water lapping on the shore and see the giant squid's tentacles breaking the surface occasionally as if waving hello; it was, he decided, the perfect location, and he spread out the blanket, cushions, and pillows, satisfied with his choice. He rummaged through the basket to see what was inside, and he found a couple of goblets and a flask of pumpkin juice, which he removed, although he didn't pour the juice; the flask was chilled, and he didn't want the juice to get warm in case Remus was running late.  
  
He hadn't brought any books this time, deciding to take a break from spell work; he was ready to learn more about himself and his old life, and considering the unsavory bits he already knew, he thought it might help to find out while in a pleasant, peaceful setting. Unfastening the top three buttons at his throat, he stretched out on the blanket with his head on a pillow and gazed up at the canopy of leaves overhead; tucking one arm beneath his head, he closed his eyes, thinking it wouldn't hurt to relax for a few moments while he waited.  
  
Remus had finished up his latest roofing job earlier than he had expected, for which he was very grateful, because it gave him time to head back to his room for a real shower, rather than just using a cleaning spell. The hot water always left him feeling cleaner than magic, but he didn't think too closely about why it mattered. He was just meeting Severus, after all, and he didn't think Severus would care what he looked like; although smelling gamey might be something he'd object to.  
  
He changed into Muggle jeans and a dark t-shirt, deciding against robes this time. He only had one set that was decent, and he didn't want to wear them too often; the jeans were more comfortable anyway. Then he set out toward Hogwarts, feeling a rising sense of anticipation at seeing Severus again.  
  
As he followed the path along the lake toward the castle, he noticed the squid splashing playfully about, and he smiled. The huge creature had been at Hogwarts for so long that it almost seemed as much a part of the school as the Great Hall or Gryffindor Tower. As he turned away, a splash of color caught his eye, and he tilted his head, surprised to see a brightly colored blanket spread beneath a tree and the relaxed form of Severus himself laid out upon it, the very picture of peaceful repose.  
  
Remus stood watching for a time, not sure what it was about the sight of Severus there that he found so appealing. Maybe it was because he couldn't remember a time when he'd ever seen Severus so open and vulnerable, feeling comfortable and safe enough in his surroundings to close his eyes rather than peering around warily in anticipation of danger. Or perhaps it was because Severus looked younger like this, seeming hardly older than when they had left school. Whatever the reason, Remus didn't move, not wanting to disturb Severus' peaceful repose, and he stood still, merely watching.  
  
Severus stirred, a niggling feeling of being watched rousing him, and he cracked his eyes open - and discovered he _was_ being watched. Remus was standing nearby, watching but not moving closer, and Severus gave him a small, drowsy smile and lifted his free hand to wave an invitation. "Pull up a cushion and have a seat," he said, not bothering to move from his relaxed position. He was comfortable, and he saw no reason why he couldn't talk while lying down.  
  
"I didn't mean to disturb you," Remus replied, but he moved closer, settling down on the blanket and leaning against a cushion with a small sigh of relief. "You looked so relaxed, I was tempted to go and leave you in peace. It hardly seems worth disturbing your idyll just for a lesson."  
  
"I'm glad you didn't leave." Severus rolled onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow with his cheek in his hand. "I was looking forward to our meeting. Are you hungry?" He gestured to the basket. "I'm not certain what's in there, but there is a lot of it, and there is pumpkin juice in that flask. I levitated everything down here by myself," he added, sounding as pleased and proud as he felt.  
  
"You did? Excellent!" Remus smiled in approval, pleased that Severus was getting his magic back so quickly. "I told you your swish and flick was getting better, and all it took was practice! You'll be Apparating in no time, just wait and see."  
  
He leaned over, looking in the basket, hungry from his physical labor and completely unable to resist the temptation of a Hogwarts picnic. "Mmmm... looks fantastic," he said, pulling out a loaf of fresh bread and a container of rare roast beef. He'd grown accustomed to eating cold beans and hash because they were cheap and didn't have to be cooked, and except for the meals Rosmerta had brought to him and the dinner Severus had provided the last time they met, he'd rarely had anything else in weeks. The beef smelled wonderful, and Remus' mouth began to water as he pulled out plates and utensils and set about making sandwiches. Placing one on a plate, he passed it to Severus before picking up his own and taking a bite. He chewed and swallowed, then gave Severus a sheepish smile. "Sorry. If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, the house-elves surely own me, body and soul. The best meals I've ever had in my life were here."  
  
"I certainly have no complaints," Severus replied, pushing himself upright so he could join Remus in eating. "If I didn't take regular walks, I dare say I would have gained quite a bit of weight by now. Minerva said it's rare for anyone to remain at the school over the summer holidays, and it seems the house-elves are willing to take care of me in the absence of anyone else in residence."  
  
He took a few bites of his sandwich and then put it aside so he could pour a goblet of pumpkin juice for himself and Remus. "At any rate, I thought perhaps today, you could tell me about myself. After weeks of cramming spells and potions recipes into my head, I find I am in need of a break from magic for an afternoon."  
  
Remus accepted the goblet of juice with a grateful smile, taking a deep drink of it and relishing the tangy taste. He lifted a brow at Severus' request, but he sat the goblet down and wiped his lips with a napkin.  
  
"You're sure?" he asked quietly. "We could talk about something else if you'd prefer not to discuss or practice spells. You had said there were things you didn't want to know. Are you really ready now?"  
  
"I believe so, yes." Severus stared into the depths of his goblet for a long moment, and when he glanced up again, his expression was pensive. "I need to know the bad as well as the good. Perhaps it won't be so bad. Most of the time, I hear things about myself, and it feels as if it is someone else being discussed. Those events, that past - they aren't mine, and I feel no connection to the man who was once Severus Snape."  
  
"All right." Remus saw Severus' somber expression, and he reached out to rest his hand on top of Severus' comfortingly. "You're right, they aren't you, but you should probably know, if for no other reason than to be prepared for how people might react to you. I suppose it's rather like having a twin brother, someone who shares your face but not your exact experiences. Only in this case, you're like a newborn who has a grown twin for whom people are going to mistake you for the rest of your life. But before we even start, I want you to remember that no matter what comes out about him, the Severus Snape you were was a hero. In the end, he sacrificed his life, his _being_ , to save us all. Everything else is just details, and some things that might seem wrong to outsiders may have been quite the opposite. And in the end, the only person who could tell you the whole truth about his motives and what really happened and why no longer exists."  
  
Severus wanted to turn his hand over and curl his fingers around Remus', but that, he knew, would be inappropriate, and so he merely nodded instead. "I want to believe I made mistakes, but that I was not a bad person. So..." He drew in a deep breath and released it slowly, lifting his gaze to meet Remus'. "What can you tell me?"  
  
"No, you were not a bad person," Remus said with assurance. "Well, I don't know much about your childhood before Hogwarts, except that like me, you had a Muggle parent and a magical one. Half bloods, they call us, as opposed to pure-bloods or Muggleborns. You came to Hogwarts at the age of eleven, as we all did, and on our first night, you were sorted into Slytherin House. Has Minerva shown you the Sorting Hat yet? It determines where it thinks a child fits best among the four Houses, which echo the personalities of the Founders. Gryffindor for bravery - or rashness, in some cases - Hufflepuff for loyalty, Ravenclaw for intellect, and Slytherin for cunning."  
  
"She hasn't shown me the hat, but she did explain about the Sorting Ceremony and the houses," Severus replied, picking up his sandwich again. "She said I was once head of Slytherin, and she was head of Gryffindor before she became headmistress." He regarded Remus curiously. "Which house were you in?"  
  
Remus nodded. "Yes, that's correct. She taught us when we were here, too. I was a Gryffindor, but I have to admit I never quite figured out why. I wasn't rash, and I certainly don't think I was particularly brave." He paused, shrugging slightly. "I have wondered how different things would have been if people had ended up in different houses, since in a way our loyalties and friendships were defined almost from the moment we arrived. The Sorting Hat is hardly infallible, either, and in light of the things that have happened with Voldemort, I wonder if it's entirely wise to segregate children in such a way. But I digress. I do know that when you arrived, you seemed to know more magic than most of us, and there was a rumor that you knew more curses than most of the seventh year students. You seemed to come from a poor family, as I did. I can only imagine how that might have affected you, being in Slytherin. Almost everyone else in your House was a pure-blood, and many of them belonged to some of the richest families in the country."  
  
Severus finished his sandwich while he listened, and then he stretched out on his side again, folding his arm beneath his head. "Perhaps that explains why I have found it relatively easy to learn and use magic now. Minerva thinks it might be what she calls 'sense memory', meaning my body remembers what my mind does not, but now I wonder if perhaps my own innate affinity has something to do with it as well." He fell silent for a moment, trying to imagine himself as a child. "What was I like back then?"  
  
Remus was silent for a moment, wondering if he should be forthright and deciding that he owed it to Severus to be so. "You always seemed to be a bit of a loner, really. You were thin and somewhat awkward, and you scowled a great deal. You were defensive, too, and rather sullen. I don't know, of course, and I certainly had no basis of comparison back then, but now... I can't help but think that your home life must not have been very pleasant. Happy families usually result in happy children from what I've seen, and you certainly weren't happy. Not ever. Then, too, the fact that you knew a lot of curses is telling; you must have learned them somewhere, right? I don't think you were sorry for yourself, though. You seemed too determined for that."  
  
What Remus said made sense to Severus and matched what Severus had learned about himself; he obviously had not been a happy or likable adult, and he wasn't surprised to learn he had not been a happy or likable child.  
  
"That much hasn't changed, then," he said. "I suppose I needn't ask if we were friends since you've already said I hated you. But if we didn't like each other, why did I follow you around?"  
  
"I don't know that you hated me specifically and personally, at least not at first," Remus said slowly. "A certain amount of animosity was natural, as Slytherins and Gryffindors were basically taught to despise each other. I happened to be in the same year and house as two very popular boys - James Potter and Sirius Black - and that was another source of difficulty. You see, Sirius came from a pure-blooded family who had almost all been Slytherins. He was the eldest son, and his family was very prejudiced against anyone who wasn't pure-blooded as well. Then he was sorted into Gryffindor; well, I suppose you can imagine it wasn't pleasant. As a result, I think he was especially hard on Slytherins - sort of rejecting that which had rejected him or that which he didn't want to be. I don't recall how it all came about, exactly, but James and Sirius were fast friends, and I think various animosities fed on each other. Back in the beginning, I was too busy trying to hide the fact that I was a lycanthrope from everyone to get involved in the dislike, and to an extent, I went along with things to keep from being noticed myself. At any rate, you were a natural target for James and Sirius, I think, because you were clever and gawky and defensive. They were hard on you, but you gave back as good as you got, I think."  
  
Remus sighed, rubbing his forehead and closing his eyes for a moment, thinking back on the events that had shaped so many lives, all unwitting of the havoc they were causing by mere childish pranks. "My friends figured out that I was a werewolf around third year, and to my shock, they didn't tell anyone. In fact, they were supportive of me, which totally knocked me on my arse. I thought if anyone knew, they would hate me, and James and Sirius didn't. Nor did Peter, the other boy in our year, but he worshiped James and Sirius back then, I think. He'd have gone along with them if they'd both decided to jump out of Gryffindor Tower without a broom. But to get back to your main question, you followed us around because I think you wanted to get us into trouble. You thought we were up to something, and actually, you were correct. I had to be away every month for the full moon, and I know the different excuses must have worn thin, making you suspicious. And then James and Sirius found out about Animagi - humans who became animals at will. Werewolves don't attack animals, only people, and so they set out to become Animagi in order to keep me company. You were looking for things to get us expelled for, and believe me, you came close more than once to finding out that we really were up to things which would have gotten us in trouble. But your seeming obsession just made Sirius and James more angry, and it all culminated in the night I told you about before, when Sirius sent you to me in the Shrieking Shack, but James found out and reached you just in time to save your life."  
  
Severus listened quietly, his eyes growing wider as the tale unfolded. "I still believe it was a stupid, senseless thing for your friend to do, but it sounds as if there was no purely innocent party in the entire mess." For the first time in weeks, he truly wished he could remember how he had felt about Remus and whether his obsession had been based solely on his desire to get Remus and his friends in trouble or if he had been nursing a hopeless attraction even then. "What about that girl? Lily. Did I seem to be in love with her? The memories Harry showed me in the Pensieve seemed to indicate I did, but..." He frowned and shook his head. "My recent experiences make me doubt it."  
  
"Lily? In love with her?" Remus' eyes widened, and he shook his head. "Not that I knew of! You even called her a Mudblood once when she tried to help you after James played a particularly nasty prank on you. From what I saw, you disliked her as much as you did the rest of us." He paused, frowning in thought. "Although if that were the case, and you were nursing an attraction for her, that might explain why you hated James so very much. Lily was the love of James' life, for all that she didn't seem overly impressed with _him_ , at least at first. But... what memories did Harry show you? Something from Albus? And what about your recent experiences would make you doubt it?"  
  
"No, they were my memories," Severus replied, toying absently with a bit of fringe on his pillow. "Apparently I gave them to Harry right before I almost died. He stored them in a Pensieve, and it was those memories that proved I was innocent of treason even if I did commit murder." He thought back to his trip into the Pensieve and how odd it had been seeing himself in events he had no recollection of. "Lily and I grew up in the same village, and we knew each other before school. The memories showed I was devoted to her, and Harry is convinced I was desperately in love with his mother, but I'm not certain how that can be true." He glanced at Remus, feeling a rush of heat in his face, and he hoped admitting the truth didn't lead to Remus realizing Severus fancied _him_. "You see, I made an interesting discovery since my release from prison: I'm attracted to men."  
  
"Oh." It was the only thing Remus could think of to say as he tried to assimilate the information. That Severus was gay didn't surprise Remus nearly so much as the fact that he and Lily had grown up together and been friends before. Remus had known Lily very well, he thought, and yet she had never once mentioned having met Severus before Hogwarts, much less growing up with him. He'd never even gotten the impression that Lily particularly liked Severus, and given how much she had grown to dislike James at one point, certainly mentioning that she and Severus had a friendship would have driven James off for good.  
  
"Lily never said a word about that, not in all the time I knew her," he said finally, hoping to put Severus at ease, since apparently the subject was a bit uncomfortable for him, given the flush on his pale cheeks, and understandably so; being told you'd been desperately in love with someone whose face you couldn't even recall must be disconcerting to say the least. "About you growing up together, I mean. You could have been friends before, but perhaps being sorted into different houses put an end to it or something. You never gave any indication of interest in her that I ever saw, and trust me, if James had ever gotten an inkling that you were eying her, he just might have done the unthinkable and killed you... and he certainly wouldn't have saved you from me in wolf form. As a matter of fact, you never showed any interest in _anyone_ that I ever heard of, although Sirius made jokes at one point that you were actually following him around, rather than _us_." He smiled somewhat wryly. "You hated him, but it is entirely possible that you could have fancied him. He was handsome and arrogant, and the girls were all over him. James wasn't bad looking either, for that matter."  
  
"You don't exactly need to walk around with a bag over your head either," Severus replied, striving to keep his tone light so Remus wouldn't suspect the truth that lay behind those words. "Perhaps that is the answer: I fancied all three of you, and I followed you around in hopes of making up my mind about which one of you I wanted most."  
  
To distract himself from thoughts of how Remus must have looked as a young man with full, rosy cheeks and no grey in his hair, Severus sat up and began rummaging around in the basket again, amused to find even more food: pieces of cold chicken, chips, and even cheese, which he pulled out triumphantly. He sliced another piece of bread and a generous portion of cheese for himself, and then he glanced at Remus. "Would you like some? If you don't want bread and cheese, there is plenty of other food in there. I believe I saw some chocolate cake for dessert as well."  
  
Remus flushed at Severus' compliment, left a bit tongue tied about how to respond to it. Severus was obviously being kind, since no one had ever looked twice at Remus, not with Sirius and James around, especially since he'd gone out of his way to blend into the background as much as possible. But then Severus moved on to talk about food, and Remus was spared the need to say anything that might make it seem he was being coy or, even worse, fishing for compliments.  
  
"I love chocolate cake," he said, giving Severus a grateful smile. "But bread and cheese first sounds wonderful."  
  
He reached for the knife to slice the cheese, but before his hand closed around the handle, there was a shimmering in the air, and the ghostly form of Sirius materialized behind Severus. "Moony! There you are! Hah, just as I thought. Research, my bloody dead arse!" There was triumph on Sirius' face, and Remus could practically see him vibrating with glee. "So, who's this you're having a romantic picnic with?"  
  
Remus was caught flatfooted. "Sirius, wait, you--" he protested, but it was too late. Sirius had floated around so that he could peer at Remus' companion, and Remus saw the triumphant expression morph into one of almost comic horror and disbelief.  
  
"Snivellus?" Sirius shrieked, the word carrying odd harmonics that made Remus' ears hurt. "You're supposed to be dead!"  
  
It wasn't the sudden appearance of a ghost that startled Severus; he had seen several floating around Hogwarts and already got on rather well with the Bloody Baron. No, it was the shriek that made him jump and almost drop his bread and cheese. Then it sank in what Remus had called the ghost and what the ghost had called _him_ , and he glared at the ghostly manifestation of the man who had once sent him off to meet a werewolf.  
  
"As you can see, I'm not," he retorted. "And if you call me 'Snivellus' again, I'll have Peeves or the Bloody Baron out here to deal with you. You aren't meant to be here anyway. You aren't a Hogwarts ghost."  
  
"Harry told me you died in the war," Sirius said flatly, returning Severus' glare with equal ferocity. He took the threat about Peeves and the Bloody Baron seriously, however, and he crossed his arms over his chest sulkily. "It figures that you'd survive. Cockroaches are tough to kill." He looked at Remus, his expression showing a touch of hurt. "For fuck's sake, Moony! When I told you you'd be happier with a man, I certainly didn't mean _him_ , even if I'd known he was alive!"  
  
"Be quiet, Sirius!" Remus retorted, rising to his feet. He was angry with Sirius and embarrassed, too, for Sirius' juvenile name calling. Severus didn't deserve it, not when he'd lost his memories and was actually willing to be Remus' friend. "You have no idea what's going on here; you just jump to conclusions like always. Yes, Severus is alive, but he doesn't remember anything! I'm trying to help him."  
  
"Hah, a likely story! You could have told me what you were doing instead of giving me some story about looking for a way to get Teddy back," Sirius snapped. "Why did you keep Sniv--" He shot a quick look in Severus' direction, remembering the threat. "-- _Snape_ a secret from me?"  
  
"Because I knew this is exactly how you'd react," Remus said, and then he took a deep breath to calm down. "And I _am_ working on a way to get Teddy back. In fact, it was all Severus' idea in the first place."  
  
Putting his food aside, Severus stood up and squared off with Sirius, refusing to be cowed. "That's right. In addition to helping Remus get his son back, I want to address the larger issue of prejudice against werewolves and the unfair laws that hinder them from having relatively normal lives."  
  
Although Sirius was translucent, Severus could still get a good sense of his appearance, and he thought Sirius must have indeed been handsome in life, but he wasn't drawn to Sirius and his good looks as he was to Remus. Perhaps it was because he knew what Sirius had done to him or because Sirius had started things off by calling him names, but somehow, he just didn't think Sirius was his type.  
  
Sirius' comment that he thought Remus would be happier with a man hadn't escaped Severus' notice, however, and if things were different, he might have asked Sirius what he meant; as it was, he was burning with curiosity and a tiny flicker of hope that perhaps Remus wasn't as straight as he'd thought.  
  
"As if! You hate werewolves, Snape, and you always have," Sirius shot back. "You're up to something, trying to lure Remus in. Why is that, I wonder? Because he's the last of us left alive, and you want to make certain you destroy us all? Your master killed James, and his servant killed me, and now you're going to make certain Remus pays, too, right? Sucker him in with pretty talk of getting his son back, then strike when his defenses are down. You're a snake, Snape, and you always have been!"  
  
"SIRIUS, SHUT UP!"  
  
Remus didn't normally raise his voice, but when he did, it was a thundering sound, one that reverberated along the lake and echoed back hollowly. Sirius' eyes widened; he stared at Remus slack-jawed, obviously disconcerted at the way Remus was standing, shoulders hunched and hands balled into fists. Remus' eyes were glowing with anger in his flushed face, and he was trembling with the force of his wrath.  
  
"Now listen to me, Sirius," he continued, his voice lower now that he had Sirius' attention. "Severus has no memory of anything at all before Azkaban. He was Kissed by a new type of Dementor that took his memories away. He didn't remember me, he didn't remember you, and he didn't even remember Voldemort! He was cleared of any wrongdoing. I'm certain Harry must have at least told you _that_ , since he told me and everyone else who would listen. Not that any of that matters now. It's no good carrying on with hating a man who no longer exists. The man standing here now is in Severus' body, true, but _this_ man is not the Severus Snape we grew up with. He's his own person, and he should be judged on his own merits, not by events that happened before he came into being!"  
  
Severus lifted his chin proudly as he stared at Sirius; he could fight his own battles, but he was warmed by Remus' defense of him, and he moved to stand closer to Remus, resting his hand on Remus' shoulder. "Remus and I are helping each other," he said firmly. "I am helping him regain custody of his son, and he is helping me learn about myself and about magic. It is a mutually beneficial arrangement, but I hope," he added, tightening his fingers on Remus' shoulder, "we will be friends, too."  
  
"Friends?" Sirius turned to Remus with dismay written all over his pale features. "But you have a friend. You have _me_. What do you need him for?"  
  
Severus' hand was warm on his shoulder, and Remus was touched that Severus was willing to admit a desire for friendship with him. But he understood Sirius' feelings as well, and he'd only shouted because he knew he'd never get Sirius' attention otherwise. "Yes, you're my friend," he said softly. "And that matters to me a great deal. But I can have other friends, too. Just because you had James when we were young didn't mean you didn't want me as your friend too, right? Severus is helping me, and I'm helping him. That doesn't mean there isn't a place for you as well. You just need to realize _this_ Severus isn't responsible for the things that happened. He's a different person, and I like him. I think you'll like him, too, if you give him a chance."  
  
Sirius looked skeptical, and he shot Severus a suspicious look. "You really don't remember? It's not a trick? You're an Occlumens. You could _pretend_ to have lost your memories."  
  
Fortunately, Severus didn't have to ask "a what?" this time; Minerva had told him about his former skills in Occlumency and Legilimency, explaining that he had learned them from Dumbledore out of necessity once he had agreed to serve as a double agent, but he hadn't decided whether he would attempt to relearn them or not. The war was over, and he didn't really need the skills now as he had then, so it wasn't high on his list of priorities.  
  
"I can show you the newspaper articles that explain what happened," he replied, lowering his hand from Remus' shoulder and folding his arms across his chest. "The Ministry were trying to have my soul sucked out, but they only managed to get my memories, and for the record, I am an Occlumens no longer. Ask Harry if you do not believe me. He is the one who brought Rita Skeeter to my cell in Azkaban in the first place."  
  
" _Harry_ did?" Sirius said, his jaw dropping. "Why is the dead bloke always the last to know?"  
  
Sirius seemed to be calming down, at least, and Remus offered a small smile. "Harry didn't tell me, either, Sirius. I saw Severus in Hogsmeade. Maybe he was afraid to say anything to you, and if he told me, I might tell you. It's bad, you realize, when the boy who faced down Voldemort is more afraid of his own godfather's ghost."  
  
"Hmphf." Sirius glared at Remus, then at Severus again. "All right. So you're not the Snape I knew, and you're as pure as the driven snow and mean no harm to anyone,and we're all going to go tripping through fields of daisies now, right? Bugger all this. I should have stayed in my boring afterlife, watching James and Lily snog." He suddenly gave Severus an intense look. "Unless you plan to snog Remus, of course. That might be worth staying around for. That way if you hurt him, I could make your life miserable with good cause."  
  
Severus was taken aback by the remark about snogging Remus. Not that he didn't want to, but he was still dubious, despite Sirius' implications. Remus had been married and fathered a son, which was a compelling case for him preferring women to men.  
  
"I have no intention of hurting him," he said at last, glancing sidelong at Remus. "I must admit some curiosity as to why you think Remus would be interested in having me snog him, however."  
  
"Because he's a repressed poof!" Sirius said gleefully. "Now watch, he'll deny it, but it's true. He just won't face up to it. Thinks being a werewolf already sets him too far apart from everyone else. He even let my cousin strong arm him into marriage after running from her for a year because he couldn't face the thought of sleeping with a woman. Believe me, if he'd been straight, he'd have jumped into bed with her, shagged her brains out, then dropped her like a hot potato rather than letting her push him around and then get knocked up--"  
  
"Sirius!" Remus' face was crimson, and he wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground. It was one thing for Sirius to say things like that in private to him, but saying such things in front of someone else, especially someone who had seemed to respect him, made Remus feel as low as a worm. There was also just enough truth in it, albeit exaggerated and skewed, to leave him unable to think of a valid counterargument. "Please, Severus doesn't want or need to hear these things." It was a weak defense, but hopefully it was good enough to shut Sirius up. Silently, Remus vowed to find a spell he could use to banish his friend when he started blabbing too much.  
  
Severus studied Remus, one eyebrow raised as he digested what Sirius had said. Perhaps Remus' insecurities had let him be led around and caused him to run from this Tonks woman at first; it wasn't necessarily proof that Remus was gay... but it wasn't conclusive evidence that he was straight either. He wondered if perhaps Sirius had a point. What if Remus was hiding his true preferences even from himself? Severus didn't want to jeopardize their friendship, but if there was any slim hope that Remus might be gay and on top of that, might possibly come to find Severus attractive in return, he had to try. Surely there were ways to pursue Remus that wouldn't appear to be overt attempts at a seduction.  
  
He made a mental note to do some research in the school's library, and if there were no books on the subject there - which he thought was unlikely since the staff probably didn't want to encourage the students, but he had to check just to make certain - he would visit the bookshop in Hogsmeade or perhaps take the Floo from the Three Broomsticks to Diagon Alley. He couldn't remember if he had ever had a lover before, thus he was a virgin for all practical purposes, and he wanted to make certain he knew what he was doing before he attempted to woo Remus Lupin.  
  
"It is a personal topic, and I am only comfortable discussing it if Remus is," he said at last, and then he gave Sirius a stern look. "Remus was telling me about my past when you came along. I want to return to that conversation. If you wish to stay and listen, you may, but only if you refrain from disrupting us further."  
  
Sirius eyed Severus speculatively, then glanced at Remus. "No, I don't want to stay and listen to him talk about _you_. I think I'll pay a call on Harry; he owes me a few explanations too! As for you, Mr. Moony, we'll talk too. Later."  
  
With that rather threatening pronouncement hanging in the air, Sirius disappeared. Remus didn't even watch him go; he was too busy studying the toe of his scuffed trainers. He'd been humiliated more than once in his life, of course, and often he'd brought it upon himself. This time, however, he felt rather put upon.  
  
"I'm sorry about that, Severus," he said quietly, not able to meet Severus' eyes. "I had no idea he was going to show up here and say such horrible things. I'd been trying to figure out how to tell him about you and vice versa, and I hoped you wouldn't meet before I could prepare both of you. Obviously I failed, and I regret any embarrassment or anger you might be feeling."  
  
"What Sirius does or says is not your responsibility," Severus said. On impulse, he hooked his fingers beneath Remus' chin and lifted it, coaxing Remus to look at him. "I haven't decided if I like or dislike him yet, but whether he and I get on or not has no bearing on _our_ friendship." His expression turned wicked. "If he proves too annoying, I _will_ set Peeves or the Bloody Baron on him, and then we will have peace."  
  
The way Severus' eyes gleamed reassured Remus almost as much as his words, and he managed a lopsided smile. "Thank you," he murmured. "I'm glad to hear you say that, because as I told you before, once upon a time how people felt about Sirius and James did affect things. And no doubt he _will_ prove annoying, trust me. The last month or so has sometimes been trying because of his insistence in prying into things. I think he has entirely too much time on his hands. It's one of the drawbacks of being dead, I suppose, but I'm sorry you had to hear all that nonsense about my marriage. There was far more to it than Sirius was blathering about, but... well, I won't lie. It was a disaster almost from the beginning, and I'm not proud of it. But it wasn't all Tonks' fault. I bear plenty of responsibility for everything that happened."  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Severus asked, stepping back and giving Remus a questioning look. "If not, we can move past this unexpected interruption and get back to the food."  
  
Part of Remus did want to discuss it with Severus, to unburden himself and confess all the ways he'd messed up his life by being too passive. But this wasn't about him, it was about Severus; he was here to give Severus information, not force him into the role of father confessor. Severus wanted to be his friend, but there were some pressures that a friendship didn't need to be put through, especially so soon after Hurricane Sirius had blown through it.  
  
"Thanks, but why don't we get back to you? That's what you need to know about, not my myriad sins," Remus replied, nodding firmly and turning back toward the blanket. He sank down on it and picked up his goblet, taking a fortifying drink of the pumpkin juice, wishing it were something much stronger than juice so he could blur out the last fifteen minutes. "So, where were we before we were rudely interrupted?"  
  
Severus returned to his pillow, sat down, and retrieved his unfinished bread and cheese. "We were discussing our schooldays, I believe." He settled in, prepared to return to the former topics, but he watched Remus with a new awareness, and in the back of his mind, he was already thinking ahead, making plans for discovering the truth about Remus' sexuality once and for all.  
  


* * *

  
  
Severus walked slowly around the workroom, trailing his fingertips along the edge of the bookshelves as he passed by and letting his gaze wander over the rows of neatly labeled bottles, vials, and jars. He recognized his own handwriting on some of the labels, and he wondered how long ago he had written them. Had it been done during a lull when Voldemort was inactive and Severus had time to do things like bottle his own ingredients? Or had it been done as a distraction, a way to busy his mind so he wouldn't think about what faced him during the months leading up to Dumbledore's death?  
  
On the far side of the room, there was a table with a cauldron and several implements, all of which Minerva said belonged to him. The former Potions Master, Slughorn, had packed up his belongings at the end of the year, and once Severus had agreed to relearn his skills, Minerva had brought out Severus' equipment from storage. The cauldron, he learned, had been a gift from Dumbledore to commemorate Severus' tenth year of teaching Potions at Hogwarts. The paring knife was from Minerva, the product of a lost bet on Quidditch. The rest, she said, she didn't know anything about, and Severus wondered if he had bought the ladle, the knives, and all the rest himself or if any of them had been gifts. Somehow, he doubted it.  
  
He was dawdling, and he knew it. Part of him was curious, even eager, to make his first attempt at brewing, but part him was afraid he would fail, and all the studying would be for naught, a sign that his old life was irretrievably lost and his hopes of telling the Ministry it could stuff its bloody pension up its collective arse dashed. But he had to try sooner or later, and he drew in a deep breath, bracing himself. Now, he supposed, was as good a time as any.  
  
He had chosen a simple potion to start with, one from the first year Potions textbook, not wanting to set himself up for failure by attempting a potion too difficult on his first try. It took a few minutes for him to find the ingredients he needed, but once he had everything, he stood behind the table and studied all the various components laid out before him. He felt a nervous flutter in his stomach as he opened the textbook and began reading the instructions; he had read all the texts about the principles behind brewing and how stirring one way had this effect and what combinations of ingredients to avoid and so on. It was a great deal of information to take in, and he knew he couldn't possible retain all of it through memorization alone, which was how he finally convinced himself that learning the theory was all very well and good, but practical applications would be even better.  
  
He picked up the paring knife and hefted it in his hand, marveling at how natural and right it felt. Perhaps Minerva was correct after all: his body remembered what his mind did not. Picking up a shrivelfig, he began to peel it; the motion was awkward at first, but the more he stopped thinking about it and just let his hands take over, the easier it became. His hands knew how to wield the knife smoothly, and he wondered how many times he had performed this action for it to be so deeply ingrained in his very muscles.  
  
Encouraged, he moved on to slicing the fig, quelling the doubts in his mind and letting his body remind it of what it had forgotten. As with the paring, slicing was difficult and slow at first, but as he relaxed, he found himself slicing more smoothly and quickly, and the slices became more evenly sized. It wasn't bad for his first time, he decided.  
  
Each step in the process proved similar - chopping, grinding snake fangs with the mortar and pestle, measuring. The less he thought about it, the more naturally the tasks came to him, and within an hour, he had a boil-cure potion simmering in his cauldron, much to his satisfaction. He watched the bubbles rising and breaking in the mint green liquid, his pleasure at the accomplishment fading somewhat; he had been told more than once how clever he had once been at brewing potions and how he could even improve on the recipes in the standard school textbooks, making them more effective. Following a recipe and getting it right didn't take much skill; any idiot, he thought, could follow instructions. What if that was all he could ever do again? It would suffice for teaching, he supposed, but the thought that he might have lost his ability to improvise, improve, and invent permanently rankled him.  
  
Still, it was early days yet, and even his old self had once been a beginner. He had time, and today _had_ been a success. It was the first step, and he hadn't blown anything up or melted the cauldron; now that he had got the first time over with, he wouldn't have any trepidation about continuing to practice, and he would keep practicing until he could brew the Wolfsbane Potion again.  
  
Deciding he deserved a reward for his accomplishment, he banished the potion and cleaned up his workroom, and then he set off for Hogsmeade. After a leisurely browse through the bookshop, he came away with two books he thought would be most useful for learning about romance and sex. Neither of the books dealt solely with homosexual romance and sex, but there were several chapters devoted to gay sex in one of them, and he thought he might be able to adapt the ideas about romance and courtship in the other. If not, at least he would have a better understanding of dating and relationships than he had before.  
  
Humming to himself, he deposited the books on the tea table next to his cozy chair by the hearth, and he went to his writing desk, deciding he had one more task to complete before he could immerse himself in the study of human sexuality.  
  
 _Dear Minister Shacklebolt,_  
  
I presume you are aware of my situation, thus it will not come as a surprise when I say I do not remembering knowing you. However, Minerva McGonagall assures me you are a fair and reasonable man, and I have read of your intentions to enact reforms within the Ministry in the newspaper, thus I would like the opportunity to speak with you about one such reform and how it may benefit one of our mutual friends: Remus Lupin.  
  
It goes beyond that, however. The more I read about the war, the more I see there are deep flaws in the way wizards regard other magical beings. It seems to me, however, that it is foolish to set ourselves above centaurs, goblins, and werewolves when we are no less freakish in comparison to Muggles, who outnumber us significantly. We are all magical creatures, and yet we deny others of our kind the ability to support themselves or their families with stringent laws grounded in a fear-based prejudiced that no one seems compelled to question.  
  
In short, I wish to discuss werewolf rights with you. I would like to work with the Ministry on this issue; however, I believe it is obvious I can and will use other methods of bringing unpleasant subjects to public light if necessary.  
  
  
Sincerely,  
Severus Snape  
  
He rolled up the parchment and sealed it, and then he went to the owlery to mail the letter in hopes that Shacklebolt was as reasonable as Minerva said he was.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been several days since Remus had last seen Severus, and he'd begun to wonder if the debacle that Sirius had made of the picnic by the lake had put Severus off the idea of being friends with him. Remus could hardly blame Severus if he did have second thoughts, since Remus had admitted and Sirius had demonstrated that things hadn't been easy between them in the past. That day had ended pleasantly enough, with Severus saying that he'd owl to let Remus know when he was available for another lesson, but when a couple of days had passed and there had been no message, it seemed as though Severus might have decided Remus was far more trouble than he was worth.

Not that Remus could blame him, really. He couldn't put himself in Severus' shoes exactly, since it was almost impossible for him to imagine the totality of Severus' memory loss, but he could believe it must be rather daunting to face the literal spectres of a past he didn't remember, to be called names and accused of awful things by someone he didn't even know. Not to mention all the things Sirius had spouted about Remus' marriage and its problems - it was probably hard for Severus to have sympathy for someone who had bollocksed up his life so badly. True, Severus had been supportive of Remus' desire to get Teddy back, and he'd seemed genuinely indignant over the plight of Remus and other werewolves when it came to fairness. Yet he could well imagine that finding out that Remus hadn't been the most fantastic husband in the world might make Severus wonder about his suitability as a father after all.

Sirius hadn't come back around, either, and Remus wondered if he were haranguing Harry about his love life now. As a result, Remus was feeling lonely and bereft, missing the rapport he had begun to build with Severus, feeling the loss of the stimulating intellectual discussions they'd had and the fascination of seeing Severus relearn magic and absorbing details about his past life. Remus might not have liked the old Severus Snape, but he liked this Severus very much indeed, and it made him realize how isolated he felt from his past life. All he had left to him was work with the thought of seeing Teddy at the end of the week. Before, it had been enough to go on with, but now... now he realized it wasn't enough, not after having a taste of more. Remus even began to miss Sirius' incessant questioning; at least Sirius had been with him because he cared, but Remus wondered if that were true any longer.

Then on Thursday, he returned to his room to find a rather annoyed brown owl sitting on his window ledge, glaring at him through the windowpane. Remus hurried over to let the bird in and quickly opened the letter it offered him with a blink of baleful yellow eyes. It was from Severus, asking him to come that evening, and Remus couldn't help the shout of relief he gave in response.

After giving the owl the last bit of bread he had on hand, Remus hurried to wash up and change, deciding to wear his robes again rather than the less formal Muggle clothes. He brushed out his overlong hair, then rummaged around until he found a bit of cord to tie it back out of his face. If he didn't get it cut soon, he was going to end up being mistaken for a girl, and that would be just a bit too ironic after all of Sirius' pointed comments.

In a short time, he was hurrying down the lane toward Hogwarts, feeling more alive than he had in days. He didn't examine the reasons for it too closely; it was better not to think about the whys and wherefores of things sometimes, and just accept them. Severus hadn't decided to drop him after all, and that was enough for now.

He was readily admitted to the school, and he hurried down to the dungeon, unwilling to admit that he was half afraid that if he were late, Severus might change his mind. Thus he was flushed and out of breath when he arrived at Severus' door, and he took a moment to brush off his robes and push a few fly-away strands of hair back out of his face before lifting his hand and knocking lightly.

Severus studied his reflection in the mirror with a critical eye, hoping the little changes he'd made would be enough to catch Remus' interest without seeming too blatant. He had bought a new set of robes - black, of course - cut in a different style than his usual austere, concealing style. Rather than having a high collar, these robes had a square cut neckline with a silver embroidered border, leaving his throat exposed down to his collarbones. The robes fell in straight lines to his feet, belted at the waist to emphasize his lean build, and the sleeves draped over the back of his hands, drawing attention to the slender length and grace of his fingers. He pinched his cheeks to bring a bit of color to his sallow skin and nodded, satisfied that he was presentable, and then he returned to the parlor to await Remus' arrival.

Fortunately, he didn't have long to wait, and he wasted no time in hastening to the door when he heard the knocking, and he opened it and stepped back, inviting Remus inside with a gesture. "Good evening," he said, greeting Remus with a small but pleased smile. "I am glad you could come on such short notice." Remembering what the book on romance had said about establishing interest through physical contact, he reached out and rested his hand on the middle of Remus' back, subtly guiding him to the chairs by the hearth. He could feel the warmth of Remus' body even through his robes, and he had to repress a shiver.

Severus' welcome was quite promising, and Remus returned the smile. "It's not a problem. I wasn't doing anything," he replied as Severus moved him toward the chairs. He was quite relieved that Severus didn't seem to be harboring any of the doubts or resentment Remus had feared. He could feel Severus' hand on his back, and the contact reassured him that Severus still wanted to be friends.

Settling down in the chair, Remus leaned back with a silent sigh. "So, what did you want to study tonight?" he asked, eager to do whatever Severus would like. Perhaps it was ridiculous to feel so grateful, but he did; he wanted Severus to continue wanting him around.

Severus had to squelch the first response that came to mind since he didn't think "practical anatomy" was on the curriculum yet. "I thought perhaps we could discuss your area of speciality," he said, heading over to the sideboard to pour a glass of wine for both of them. "I have done some studying about werewolves on my own, but I have a few questions the texts could not answer. From there, we can move on to Dark creatures and the Dark Arts in general. How does that sound?" he asked as he moved back to the hearth and offered Remus one of the glasses.

"That sounds fine," Remus replied, accepting the glass with a smile of thanks. He couldn't remember the last time he'd touched alcohol, but he had always enjoyed wine. He took a sip from the glass, savoring the taste. "This is very nice. So... what questions did you have? I'll answer anything I can."

Drawing his wand, Severus levitated a plump throw pillow over to the floor beside Remus' chair, and he sank down on it, leaning against Remus' chair without touching Remus - yet. He tucked his wand away and took a sip of wine, thinking about what he wanted to ask first. "There is a great deal of folklore, and I am curious about how much of it is grounded in reality. Silver, for example. Does it harm you in either human or wolf form?"

Remus was a bit surprised when Severus decided to settle on the floor rather than in the chair opposite his. It seemed rather informal, but then, Remus reminded himself, this wasn't the old Severus, who seemed almost comically prim and proper at times. But this new Severus was more relaxed, and Remus relaxed as well. This was a visit between friends, after all, and the casualness was a sign that Severus was comfortable with him.

"Silver is one of the few things that can actually kill a werewolf," he said, giving Severus a rueful smile. "Along with some spells, decapitation, and complete immolation. Otherwise, we tend to heal almost anything else. It's one of the trade offs of the curse, I believe. It is beneficial to the curse to give the host some resistance in order to give itself the maximum opportunity to spread. It's actually the reason I'm still alive; the Death Eater who attacked me hurt me badly, and either I was dead or so close to it that the Healers couldn't discern the difference. But my body was able to regenerate enough to bring me back from that edge."

"Did the battle occur at night?" Severus asked, a thought suddenly occurring to him. "If so, perhaps the moonlight helped you regenerate."

He took a deep swallow of wine, the alcohol burning its way down his throat and creating a glow in the pit of his stomach; it was helping him relax as well, and it gave him the little boost of courage he needed to continue his plans for testing Remus' resolve. Shifting on his pillow, he leaned his elbow on the edge of Remus' chair, resting his cheek on his fist and gazing up at Remus.

"What about your senses? Are they all heightened?"

"Perhaps," Remus said slowly, thinking about that night. The moon hadn't been full, but close to it, and he nodded. "Yes, you know, I think you could be right. I don't know that anyone has done any experiments or research about that, but it could be. I've rarely been injured other than during the transformation itself, so I'd never noticed if the moonlight had an effect or not. I might not even have known just how gravely I was injured, had Harry not used a magical stone that allowed him to talk to people who were dead, and there I was, along with Sirius and James and Lily. That's how Sirius came back over, by the way. He followed me when I came back to life."

Taking a sip of his own wine, Remus gazed down at Severus, noting the way that Severus was listening to him raptly. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had listened to him so closely, as though really caring about what he had to say, and he flushed a bit, feeling a tingle of pleasure. "Not all of them, no," he answered Severus' question. "Not vision, certainly. I have to resort to reading glasses more and more these days. But I have a keen sense of smell, and my hearing seems better than most. I'm a bit faster and stronger, too; again, I think it's a way the curse insures its propagation."

"I suppose that means I ought not challenge you to hand-to-hand combat unless I wish to lose," Severus said dryly. Images of Remus wrestling him to the floor and pinning him down danced through his mind, and he felt his toes curling. "What about taste and touch?" Setting his wine glass aside, he trailed his fingertips lightly along the length of Remus' shin. "Do you feel things like that more acutely, do you think?" he asked, striving for an ingenuous expression as he gazed up at Remus.

Remus shivered, the slide of Severus' fingers along his leg sending a shock of unexpected awareness through him. It was silly, of course, just a reaction because no one had touched him quite so intimately in a long time. "I don't know, actually," he replied, sounding more breathless than he would have liked. "Touch and taste are hard to quantify, and I've never done any comparative studies."

"Mmm." Severus made a neutral sound of acknowledgment and stroked Remus' leg once more, encouraged by the shiver he had evoked. "I suppose it would be difficult to confirm at that. What about your stamina?" he asked, shifting closer so that he could seem to lean against Remus accidentally as if it was an unconscious move, not a deliberate intrusion on Remus' personal space.

Severus touched him again, and Remus swallowed, though he fought to keep from reacting beyond that. He was acutely aware of how close Severus was to him, and he told himself that it wasn't unusual, not really. Sirius, James, and Peter had all been close to him like this before; it was just friendly, not anything to get worked up about. He ignored the tiny voice in the back of his mind that said he'd never been as _aware_ when Sirius or James were this close. It wasn't something that bore thinking about.

"Stamina?" Remus sternly forced his attention back to the conversation, feeling his cheeks heat at the oddly suggestive overtones of that single word. "Um... Well. It depends, I suppose. It's less after the moon for a day or two, and better just before. I don't know if part of that is because the transformation is very draining." 

"How bad is the transformation and its aftermath?" Severus asked. "Does the Wolfsbane Potion help in your recovery, or does it only affect what occurs while you are in wolf form?"

"The potion only helps me to keep my mind," Remus replied. Then he smiled. "Don't get me wrong, that's important! It makes me safe to be around, so I don't have to worry about being a danger to myself or others. But the down side is that I _remember_ the transformation, including all the pain. But it's a small price to pay for being assured of the safety of the people I care about."

Severus nodded, listening closely. It did sound awful that Remus could remember the pain, but he would agree, were he in that position, that being able to retain human sensibility during the transformation would make it worthwhile. "Minerva told me about the potion," he said, resting his hand on Remus' knee. "She said I was able to brew it for you once. I want to regain the skill needed to brew it again." He gazed up at Remus, determination gleaming in his eyes. "I tried brewing something for the first time, and it went better than I thought it would. It may take a while, but I believe I will be able to provide you with the Wolfsbane again."

Remus was acutely aware of the warmth of Severus' hand on his knee, and for a moment, he wondered wildly if Severus might be trying to indicate that he fancied him. But that was ridiculous, certainly, and why would it matter? He was straight, no matter what Sirius said.

Wasn't he?

He had to admit Severus' touch was pleasant, but he told himself firmly that he was starved for touch, feeling needy after wondering if he had lost all the friends he had left. Tonks had been the last one to touch him - the only one, if truth be told - and they hadn't been intimate in any real sense after the very beginning of their marriage. Yes, that had to be it; he was reading too much into Severus' actions because it had been a long time since anyone had touched him.

He forced himself to concentrate on Severus' words, and he smiled a trifle distractedly. "That would be wonderful, but I would feel awful for letting you do that, Severus. It's a difficult and expensive potion to make. I don't know that I would be able to afford the ingredients you'd need."

"Nonsense!" Severus replied, giving Remus a stern look. "If all goes well, I will be employed, and I will be able to afford to buy the ingredients myself. If you feel the need to offer recompense for my time..." He strove to look and sound ingenuous again even as he stroked the side of Remus' knee with his thumb. "Well, I imagine we can make some kind of arrangement. Besides, I cannot tell how long it will be before I am able to brew a potion of that level of difficulty. Your circumstances may have changed by then, too."

_Oh. My. God._

Severus moved his thumb, and Remus felt himself almost melt into the chair. Somehow Severus had managed to find a spot that was exquisitely sensitive, and the sensation of being stroked there sent a bolt of raw need down Remus' spine. He fought against responding, telling himself sternly that Severus wasn't doing this on purpose. Severus didn't know _how_ to seduce anyone, even if that were his intent. No, Severus was an innocent and probably as starved for touch as Remus was, given that he'd never really known anyone's touch. Isn't this what babies did, after all? Wanting to curl up next to the nearest warm body, seeking comfort?

But the sight of Severus sprawled at his feet, looking up at him with those intense dark eyes, focused on what Remus had to say, was quite potent indeed, and for the first time, Remus entertained the idea that he might, possibly, _maybe_ be attracted to a man. A little.

Severus _was_ attractive, after all, although Remus noticed it for the first time with something of a shock. He'd never considered the old Severus as anything but... well, _Severus_ , sharp tongued and greasy haired and scowling. He was different now, however; without the perpetual scowl, the lines in his face had eased, making him look younger and less like he always smelled something distasteful. He'd obviously been washing his hair more, too, because instead of looking lank and greasy, it was glossy, the same blue-black of a raven's wing. Even his nose looked different somehow, perhaps because he wasn't glaring at Remus down the length of it, and his eyes seemed larger without the sneering squint. Like this, his face was strong, and, if not conventionally handsome, it was unique and striking and definitely to Remus' fancy.

_Wrong, this is so wrong._

Remus' heart pounded, and his mouth went dry. He knew his reactions were wrong, very, very wrong. Severus wanted his friendship; he wasn't interested in Remus as anything else, even if Remus might actually consider anything more. Which he wouldn't. He couldn't. Could he?

_Bugger all, Sirius was right, the big git. He'll never let me live this down._

By now, Remus had entirely lost track of the conversation, so raptly had he been staring at Severus. He blinked, forcing himself back to the moment and out of the haze of desire he'd fallen into. "Yes, right," he said. It seemed safe to just agree with whatever Severus had been saying until he could wrap his mind around words again.

Severus schooled his features into bland innocence, quelling the triumph he felt at managing to make Remus look at him as if he were actually _seeing_ Severus for the first time; he had made Remus notice him, and that, he thought, was a promising first step. But he didn't want to risk pushing too much too soon, and so he backed off with reluctance, removing his hand from Remus' knee, although he didn't stop leaning against Remus' leg.

"Good, it's settled, then," he said. "I have no more questions about werewolves for the moment. Perhaps we should move on to magical creatures in general. I have read _Fabulous Beasts and Where to Find Them_ , of course, but I haven't seen any of the creatures mentioned in the books yet." He glanced at Remus with a slight smile. "Well, other than a werewolf, of course. If you have any other books to suggest, I can make a list, or we could go to the library."

"We can go to the library," Remus said, finally remembering what they had been discussing. Severus had pulled back, and Remus secretly mourned the loss of Severus' caressing thumb, which was _ridiculous_. He ought to be thankful he'd been spared making a complete and utter fool of himself! In fact, maybe getting out of Severus' quarters entirely was called for.

Taking a deep breath, Remus stood up, looking down at Severus with a raised brow that betrayed none of his inner turmoil. "Actually, why don't we go there now? If you've not been in the Restricted Section, you're in for quite an experience. We could also ask Minerva where Firenze has gone this summer. He's a centaur, and he has taught here in the past as well."

"Really?" Severus perked up with interest at that, delighted by the prospect of meeting a centaur. Although he disliked giving up his comfortable spot and the closeness it allowed him, he climbed to his feet quickly, lured by the prospect of spending time in the library - and with Remus, no less. "I will make a note to ask her. For now, though, a trip to the library sounds enjoyable. I have not yet been in the Restricted Section. Minerva told me most of the books require special handling, and since there hasn't been anyone around to show me, I thought it best to leave them alone."

"Yes, some are dangerous, but you'll be safe with me." Remus turned toward the door, vowing firmly to himself that Severus really would be safe with him. In every meaning of the word.

* * *

A soft pop announced the arrival of a house-elf in Severus' quarters, and Severus glanced up from his copy of _Moste Potente Potions_ to see Wiffle standing near his chair, ears perked forward.

"You is wanted in the headmistress' office," Wiffle announced, and Severus inclined his head in acknowledgment.

"Thank you, Wiffle," he replied.

He closed his book, but before he could stand up, Wiffle disappeared again, obviously not planning to take Severus to the office himself, which was fine. Severus knew the way, and it took him only a matter of minutes to reach the seventh floor and to find the statue of the gargoyle that marked the entrance to Minerva's office. She had given him the password, but to his surprise, the gargoyle moved aside before he could speak it, and he wondered what had caused the inexplicable occurrence as he rode up the spiral staircase.

Once he reached the top, the heavy oak door at the top swung open, and he stepped into the room, peering around. "Minerva?"

Only silence greeted him, and as he moved further into the room, he found he was alone. Minerva was nowhere in sight, which was odd indeed. He was just beginning to wonder if perhaps she had not been the one to summon him after all when he heard a voice behind him.

"Minerva is not here, my dear boy. It was I who wished to speak with you."

Severus whirled, looking for another person, but then he realized it was one of the portraits that had addressed him. He saw a portrait of an elderly wizard with bright blue eyes and a long beard waving at him, and he approached it slowly. When he grew near enough to read the name on the tiny brass plaque on the frame, he was shocked to realize he was looking at Albus Dumbledore, the man he had killed. He had wondered about Dumbledore, and while it was something of a relief to know he hadn't killed a young man, it was still disconcerting to be smiled at so cheerfully by his own murder victim, even if he didn't remember it.

"Why?" Severus asked, regarding the portrait with growing curiosity.

"I am aware of what was done to you," Dumbledore replied, some of the cheerfulness fading from his expression. "I thought perhaps you might have questions."

Severus couldn't help but laugh at that. "I have nothing but questions!" He shook his head, scarcely knowing where to begin. "Harry showed me some memories of mine, and Minerva and Remus have told me a great deal, but my own life is still something of a mystery to me." He glanced around the room, and it dawned on him that _all_ the portraits in the room were of former headmasters and mistresses of the school. He didn't see a portrait of himself, however, and he frowned at that. "I also wonder why my portrait is not in here if I served as headmaster for a year. Is it because of how I was appointed?"

"No, it is because you are not dead," Dumbledore replied with amiable ease. "It is my understanding that you came perilously close to having your portrait appear in this room with the rest of us, but forgive me if I am glad that particular memorial will be delayed."

"Ah." Severus blinked, momentarily disconcerted. "Yes, I am too. I do not want to be acknowledged for my service to the school quite that badly."

Dumbledore chuckled, the twinkle returning to his eyes behind their half-moon glasses. "Your service to the school goes beyond meriting a mere portrait. I alone owe you much for having the strength to carry out my orders in spite of what it cost you."

"That is something I still do not entirely understand," Severus said, his brow furrowing with puzzlement. "You ordered me to kill you. Why?"

"Because it was necessary," Dumbledore replied. "I was dying, my body wasting away in slow increments by a curse. Tom Riddle - the wizard who called himself Lord Voldemort - ordered a young man to kill me, perhaps so the young man - Draco - could prove his loyalty or perhaps as a punishment to his parents, especially his father, who had failed Tom and displeased him. Either way, the murder would have left a stain on Draco's soul and dragged him irrevocably into the darkness."

"You were not concerned about the state of my soul?" Severus arched one eyebrow, his tone sardonic.

Dumbledore's lips curved in a one-sided smile. "Your soul was already stained. Draco's was not. Without my blood on his hands, he was able to reconsider his loyalties. We discussed it at length, you and I. It seemed unlikely Draco would succeed, but either you or he had to do it. You had taken an Unbreakable Vow with his mother, swearing to fulfill Draco's task if he proved unable to do it himself. In killing me, you placed yourself in a strong position with Tom, gaining access to information that you passed along to Minerva. You were given the position of headmaster by your own request, which allowed you to look after both the school and its denizens as best you could. Your hands were tied to some extent, but even Hagrid grew suspicious that you were perhaps still on the side of the Order when you sent certain misbehaving students to serve detention with him in the Forbidden Forest - hardly a true punishment for them!"

"You said my soul was stained," Severus said, his tone quietly musing as he mulled over what he had heard so far. "From what I have learned, it sounds as if I were one of Voldemort's followers in earnest at one time. How did that happen? Why did I join him?" He shook his head, incredulous. "Knowing what I do about him, I cannot imagine myself ever being one of his loyal servants."

"Tom was very charismatic," Dumbledore replied, sympathy in his eyes, "and you were very young. You were clever and talented as a boy, but you were also angry and immature. You were wrapped in a cocoon of your own pain - both real and perceived - and you were too self-absorbed to understand there could be real and permanent consequences to your actions. It is a typical blindness of youth, I'm afraid. Most people emerge from their cocoon as they grow older and experience the ways of the world, but you suffered a harsh lesson that forced you to open your eyes. You never saw the world the same way again, I think. You turned the zeal with which you had pursued vengeance on those who had wronged you into a zeal for justice, albeit your own skewed notion of it."

Severus nodded. Minerva had said she thought his ideals had been warped by his experiences, and now Dumbledore was telling him the same thing. Based on what he knew of himself, it wasn't much of a surprise.

"For all your self-control as an adult, you have always felt things deeply, your passion strong and fervent once roused. It was the day you grasped the magnitude and the cost of your mistakes that you became a righteous man."

"Lily." It was not a question. Severus knew the answer already, but Dumbledore nodded anyway.

"Yes, Lily."

Severus fell silent, lost in thought. Whether or not he had been in love with Lily mattered little now; she had once meant something to him, and she had died because of him. Although he didn't remember it, he regretted having been the instrument of anyone's death, directly or indirectly, and he was grateful the war was over so he would no longer be faced with difficult, soul-shattering decisions again.

"What was your folly?" he asked at last, giving Dumbledore a shrewd look.

"Looking too much at the world and not enough at the individuals in it," Dumbledore replied with a wistful little smile. "If your sin was passion, mine was pride."

"But we accomplished our goals," Severus pointed out. "Voldemort - Tom - whoever was defeated in the end."

"We did at that." Dumbledore inclined his head in acknowledgment. "Now I am dead, as is the Severus Snape who was, and I suppose we must leave it to the history books to decide if our accomplishments were worth the cost."

"Perhaps not on a personal level. I seem to have had a miserable life," Severus said dryly. "But if I weigh my happiness against the possibility of having an immortal dictator, then it seems a small price to pay." He paused and shrugged, his lips curving in a wry smile. "Then again, I suppose it is easy for me to say so when it is nothing but a story to me."

"Then perhaps the historians will not be unkind." Dumbledore's eyes crinkled with amusement. "If you have any other questions, I will be happy to answer them. I do not feel fatigue, after all. But neither are we obliged to cover everything all at once. You may have noticed this office opened to you readily. The school still recognizes you, and while you are not equal with Minerva, there are some perks that come with being a former headmaster in residence. You may come and go in here as you please - although perhaps it is best not to do so once the term begins and Minerva is in residence," he added with a roguish smile.

"Assuming I am qualified to take the position."

"Naturally, naturally." Dumbledore's expression was beatific, speaking of a confidence in Severus' abilities that Severus hoped was not misplaced.

"I will return, I'm certain," Severus said. "But for now, I have enough to think about. Thank you for the opportunity to speak with you."

"You are welcome, dear boy" Dumbledore gazed at him from within the frame with a touch of melancholy. "It will be a pleasure becoming reacquainted with you."

Severus acknowledged his words with a polite nod before departing; he returned to his quarters and sank down in his chair again, although he didn't retrieve the book he'd been reading before the summons. He leaned his cheek on his hand and stared into the fire, losing himself in thought over memories he couldn't truly call his own.

* * *

"You're certainly spending a lot of time at Hogwarts," Sirius said, floating through the wall of Remus' room. "At least, I _assume_ that's where you are." His tone was decidedly testy.

Remus looked up from the book he'd been reading about the history of the Ministry and smiled slightly. "I've been at the school, yes," he replied quietly. "I showed Severus the Restricted Section, and he wanted to know about werewolves and how the Wolfsbane potion affects us."

"Yes, I'm certain his interest in you is entirely platonic." Sirius raised a brow in punctuation of the sarcastic comment. "Why did he have to ask you? Why doesn't he just read about it himself?"

Setting the book aside, Remus folded his hands on his lap, preparing for the third degree Sirius was no doubt going to give him. "Because he has a werewolf he can ask, and practical knowledge is always better than anything you can read in a book, right? Would you have rather learned Quidditch by playing or by just reading about it?"

Sirius looked a bit miffed. "Yes, well," he said grudgingly. He moved over to Remus' bed, the only other place to sit in the room, and sank down upon it. It was an unnecessary action for him, of course, but Remus appreciated it nonetheless. It was easier to talk to someone who didn't float around the room. "I still don't like him. Or trust him. This memory thing..."

"It's the truth," Remus said firmly. "You can't fake something like that, Sirius, not for any length of time and not to so many people. I never liked Severus before either, but he's different now. It's like in losing his memories, he shed a lot of the baggage he carried around. He's still recognizably Severus, but without the bitterness."

"Hmpf." Sirius didn't look ready to be convinced. "He's still a big git. And yeah, I know the memory thing is real. Harry confirmed it. I just don't believe the two of you kept it from me so long. I'm not that unreasonable!"

"You can be, and you know it." Remus smiled to take any sting out of the words. "Look, I was going to tell you. It just never seemed like the right time. I thought it might be bad to spring it on you cold."

"For Merlin's sake, Moony, I'm dead! I'm not going to die of a heart attack! Tell me things, okay? That's why I'm here! I want to be part of your life and Harry's life. How can I if you both shut me out?"

Remus laughed at that, but he knew that Sirius had a point. Sirius had come back to be with the people he cared about, and for all that he could sometimes be exasperating, Remus did like having him around. Before Severus, Sirius' nagging was about the only thing serving as a reminder for Remus that there was something like a normal life to be had. "I know, Padfoot. You're right, I should have told you. Forgive me?"

"Well... all right," Sirius grumbled, then grinned, the expression no less beguiling in the afterlife than it had been when Sirius had used it to wheedle Remus into all sorts of things when they were teenagers. "So... what is it with you and Snape, then? Have you snogged him yet?"

Remus sighed, slumping down in his chair. "We're just friends. We've talked a few times. I'm helping him with magic and telling him about how he was before, and he's helping me try to get Teddy back. Oh, and he's going to make the Wolfsbane potion for me again once he's regained his brewing skills enough. There has been no snogging, and I'm not a poof!" He flushed, remembering his awareness of Severus the last time they had been in his quarters. That had been an aberration, though. Severus hadn't done anything untoward, and neither had he.

"Right, and I still drink beer and go to the loo." Sirius peered at him closely. "You're blushing! You _do_ want to snog him!"

"Sirius, please! Look, don't I have enough going on in my life without complicating things? I don't have anything to offer Severus, even if I was so inclined."

"What's to offer? I'm talking sex, not marriage!" Sirius smirked, as though Remus' response had confirmed his suspicions. "You should give it a try, at least. See if you like it."

"I thought you didn't like Severus," Remus shot back, trying to retain some control of the conversation before it got completely out of hand. "Why do you seem so keen on the two of us snogging if you don't like him?"

Sirius shrugged. "Snogging and sex don't have to have much to do with liking," he replied, and his direct look told Remus he was thinking of Remus' failed marriage. "But that aside, he seems to be to your taste, and more than that, _he_ wants to snog _you_."

"He doesn't!" Remus shook his head in denial. "Yes, he's gay. He admitted that much to me, but he's made no overtures, believe me." Remus thought back to their previous encounter, and suddenly, he wondered if there was more to it than simple innocent contact. But no... Severus hadn't indicated that he wanted Remus as anything other than a friend. Yes, Remus had been extremely aware of Severus, had felt attracted to him, but he wasn't quite ready to admit anything more than that. Not yet.

"More fool him," Sirius sniffed.

"What?" Remus blinked and peered at Sirius closely. "Padfoot, you're starting to make wonder about _your_ sexuality."

Sirius shrugged. "Not that it matters anymore, but I've walked on the other side of the street a couple of times. That's why I'm sure about _you_. It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know." There might have been a trace of defensiveness in Sirius' voice, but he looked so nonchalant that Remus decided not to press.

"I know." Remus was rather surprised to learn that Sirius had been attracted to men as well as women. He thought he'd known everything about his friend, but apparently he was either too unobservant or Sirius was too good at hiding his secrets. "No matter, it's just not an issue."

"Keep telling yourself that, Moony," Sirius replied, shaking his head. "You just keep telling yourself that."


	5. Chapter 5

Remus balled up the piece of parchment in his fist as he stared sightlessly at the wall of his room. He'd read it over and over until his eyes blurred, and it didn't change the words on the page, no matter now much he wanted it to.

_Teddy is sick. Nothing serious, it's a bit of a tummy upset that has him fretful and feverish. I've already had a home visit from a Healer, and she said we need to keep him quiet for the next twenty-four hours. That means no visitors. I suggest you stay away, because it is contagious, and I'd rather you didn't disturb him, since there's nothing you can do anyway. I'll send word when he's better._

That Andromeda didn't like him, Remus already knew, but for her to brush him off when his son was sick... it seemed to go beyond coldness. Couldn't he at least hold his son? Couldn't he help comfort Teddy and let him know his father was worried about him and wanted to help?

He was half tempted to storm over to her house and demand to see Teddy, no matter what her "suggestion" was, but he knew even if she let him see Teddy, it would be self-defeating in the long run. He was trying to get custody of his son, and Andromeda was going to fight it, he was certain. Antagonizing her now would only add fuel to the fire, where being cooperative might earn him some sympathy when the time came.

Frowning in thought, he straightened out the parchment, and then he drew his wand and cast a charm to flatten it once more. Then he folded it and tucked it away in a drawer; it might come in handy later if he needed to show that he had been _told_ to stay away.

It was sad that he was having to think in such terms, but after talking to Severus about ways to earn sympathy so the Ministry could be pressured into relaxing its terms, Remus had become aware of how appearances might hurt or help him. So he pulled out a piece of parchment of his own, and then he picked up his quill to pen a reply.

_Andromeda -_

_I'm so sorry Teddy is ill, and I'm worried too, as you can well imagine. I'd prefer to come and see him, but if you believe it is in Teddy's best interests, I'll stay away. I'm not worried about catching something myself; Teddy is the one who is important, and if he needs mem I will come to him no matter what._

_Please owl me immediately if I'm needed, and of course I would appreciate an update when things change. Please kiss Teddy for me and tell him that Daddy loves him. I would like to see him as soon as you feel comfortable with me coming over; I do appreciate everything you have done for Teddy and for me. He's all that I have left, and there is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for him._

_Yours,  
Remus  
_

Remus reread the reply, then nodded in satisfaction. He drew his wand and uttered a spell which made a complete copy of the letter, and then he folded up the original and gave it to Andromeda's owl, who had waited for his response. He watched the bird depart, and then he placed the copy of his note with Andromeda's original.

That finished, Remus stood in the middle of his small room, looking around and feeling lost. Saturday was the day he spent with Teddy; he never planned anything else, because it was the special time for him and his son alone. But now... loneliness pressed down upon him, as well as a sense of his own helplessness in situations like this. In a normal world, he'd be the one caring for his son, not receiving messages that told him to stay away because he was useless. But there was nothing at all he could do, and it hurt, knowing that Teddy was ill and suffering and might be wanting a father who wasn't there to help make him better.

He began to pace, feeling increasing frustration and a sense of being trapped. No matter what he did, someone else was pulling the strings, telling him what to do, making the choices he should be making on his own. The wolf was close to the surface with the full moon only a few days away, and that added to his restlessness. He needed to get out and _do_ something, to feel like he was a man and not some puppet who only moved at the behest of someone else.

He'd already showered and changed before the owl arrived, in anticipation of a day with Teddy in the park, so there was nothing stopping him from leaving his room, heading blindly down the stairs and out into the morning sunlight. He didn't know where he was going, and he didn't care, really. All that mattered was that he was going in the direction he chose and doing whatever caught his fancy.

Wandering aimlessly through Hogsmeade, Remus passed by all the shops where he couldn't afford to shop and all the restaurants where he couldn't afford to eat. All the reminders of his failure to provide for either himself or his son soon drove him away from the village, out toward the open fields and woods where every sign wasn't a reminder and an accusation. He had to wonder if Tonks would be thinking as badly of him as her mother did if had she survived the war, and that thought annoyed him more.

He paid no attention to where his feet took him, so lost in his thoughts of failure that he was completely unaware of his surroundings. When he felt a tingle of magic on his skin, however, he blinked, realizing with a start that he'd somehow managed to take the path to Hogwarts, and he'd crossed the warded boundary at the edge of the grounds. He lifted his eyes to the castle, its walls glowing in the morning sun, looking as beautiful and welcoming as it had the very first time he'd seen it. He remembered that day when he'd arrived on the Hogwarts Express, excited and worried and full of youthful anticipation. The first time he'd seen the castle, he'd thought it felt right. It felt like home.

 _Severus_.

Severus' face flashed across his mind, and Remus started toward the school again, walking quickly, giving himself no time to consider why he was going or that Severus might not even be there. Remus needed a friend, and Severus was just about the only one he had, the only person who would understand and care about why Remus felt the way he did. Right now, Remus needed that more than he needed anything else.

The house-elf who admitted him looked surprised, but Remus didn't even stop to ask if Severus was still in the school. He had to be, he just had to, and Remus ran down the stairs to the dungeons, not stopping until he was at Severus' door. He didn't even pause to consider how he must look - wild-eyed and with his long hair disheveled - as he lifted his hand and knocked loudly on the door, praying Severus was there.

Severus had spent his morning quietly so far. That it was the weekend meant little to him since he wasn't on any schedule but his own yet, and one day tended to flow into the next. He had risen early and bathed, but he hadn't dressed, deciding to give a nod to the fact that it was the weekend by putting on a clean pair of pajamas and his dressing gown. Then he had settled in his favorite chair with some tea and toast and lost himself in a potions textbook, intending to spend the morning with his nose in a book and not worry about dressing until after lunch, when he would go to his workroom and practice brewing.

He wasn't expecting any visitors; Minerva hadn't sent a note to let him know she was coming to the school, and the house-elves didn't usually knock, so when he heard the banging on his door, he was startled and then curious, and he rose and strode over to the door swiftly. He flung it open, even more startled to find Remus on his doorstep looking lost and forlorn.

"Come in," he said once he had recovered from the surprise, and he stepped back to let Remus pass. "This is unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome." He paused, a thought occurring to him. "I thought you spend Saturdays with your son. I hope nothing is wrong," he added, a little furrow of concern forming on his brow.

Remus almost sagged in relief when Severus opened the door, and then he felt like a huge prat for having come running to the school without asking first. He could see that Severus was in his robe still, no doubt enjoying a relaxing day, and Remus flushed, realizing how ridiculous he must seem. "Teddy's sick," he blurted out, his throat tightening and his eyes suddenly prickling. "It's some bug, but Andromeda told me to stay away. I didn't know what else to do. But I shouldn't have disturbed you, Severus. I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot."

"Don't be stupid," Severus replied, curling his hand around Remus' upper arm and drawing him into the room. "I was reading, that's all. It's nothing that cannot be put aside for a while, and I certainly don't consider you a disturbance."

To underscore his point, he closed the door firmly behind them and steered Remus toward their usual place by the hearth. The worry and pain in Remus' eyes were plain to see, and while Severus didn't know what to say that might help, he knew he could at least give Remus a comforting refuge for a while. Drawing his wand, he concentrated as he attempted a Transfiguration more advanced than anything he'd done so far, but fortunately, it worked, and one of his chairs stretched and warped until a soft-cushioned love-seat appeared in its place.

"Here, sit down," he said, giving Remus a little nudge toward the love-seat. "I can send for some more tea if you want it." Offering tea ought to help, he thought. Tea solved a myriad of problems.

Too miserable to put up any resistance despite the fact that he thought he should, Remus let Severus pull him in, and he even managed a small smile for Severus' feat of Transfiguration. "You're making incredible progress," he said, as he moved to the love-seat and sank down on it with a sigh. "Tea would be great. It's the British cure all, isn't it? A cup of tea, and we can deal with anything, no matter how horrific."

Nodding, Severus detoured to his desk long enough to scribble a request for another pot of fresh tea and some more substantial breakfast food, and he sent the note winging to the kitchen with a tap of his wand. "I have plenty of time to study and practice," he said, spreading his hands and giving a self-deprecating little shrug. "And I have a great deal of motivation to make progress quickly." He moved to join Remus on the love-seat, hoping it wasn't too much of a liberty, but Remus seemed quite upset, and he hoped the proximity as well as the tea would help. "At any rate, a fresh pot of cure-all should be here shortly."

"Thanks," Remus said, curling in on himself in the seat. He lifted his hand, rubbing his brow distractedly. "I really am sorry for interrupting your Saturday, especially for bringing all my assorted baggage with me. I just... I felt trapped, like I had to get away, and I didn't pay any attention to where I was going until I was at Hogwarts, and I just thought... well, I don't know. You're my friend, and as odd as it seems considering you barely know me, I felt like you might be the only one who cared."

The words warmed Severus to the core, and he couldn't help but feel hopeful; Remus saw him as a friend and had come to him in a time of need, and perhaps one day, he would realize Severus could be more than a friend - and that he _wanted_ Severus to be more. But Severus was careful not to let his wayward thoughts show on his face, revealing only his concern.

"I _am_ your friend," he said, his voice quiet and deep. He regarded Remus with a questioning look. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Remus looked at Severus through his lashes, reassured to see that Severus really did seem concerned and interested. Perhaps he wasn't being a burden after all, and he did need to talk. "Yes, if you don't mind," he said, then perversely fell silent, his jumbled thoughts trying to coalesce around what was really bothering him.

"I feel like a failure," he blurted suddenly, his voice ragged and misery written on every line of his face. "I'm a grown man, an intelligent man, and I can't seem to ever get it right. It was bad enough when it was just me, but at least if I suffered or went without, it didn't bring hardship on anyone else. I just learned to get along, you know? I could handle being alone, because that's easier than being a constant disappointment to everyone. Including myself."

He twisted his hands in his lap, drawing in a shuddering breath and looking at Severus directly. "I didn't want to get married. Sirius was right about that. Tonks, she... she was just so insistent and always there, and _everyone_ was telling me I was lucky to have this bright, young, talented witch interested in me. I tried to protest - I was too old for her, and too damaged, and too poor, too dangerous. She wouldn't listen, and everyone told me how _awful_ I was for breaking her heart. But I didn't ask her to want me! I didn't want her or need her, and I knew I couldn't take care of her the way she and everyone else would expect. Then Albus died, and she was so upset, and I... I gave in. I shouldn't have, but I couldn't fight it any more. I had to grieve too, didn't I? Albus was one of the only people who had ever cared about me. Then Tonks was pregnant, and what else could I do? I didn't want to be a husband, I didn't want to be a father. I felt like all the decisions that should have been mine were taken away and made by someone else, and I was just an observer in my own life. No one listened - even Harry told me I should stay with Tonks. What I wanted or needed didn't matter. All people saw was that they thought I _should_ be happy, because that's what they wanted. The fact that I _wasn't_ seemed irrelevant to anyone but me."

Severus listened quietly, letting Remus vent uninterrupted; he didn't know much about situations like this one or about offering advice or comfort, and he suspected this was one thing books couldn't help him with. It seemed to him, though, that Remus needed to talk, the words flowing as if they had been bottled up and were demanding release at last, and Severus knew if nothing else, he could provide a listening ear. He had his own thoughts and opinions about what Remus had said, but something told him Remus didn't need to hear it just yet. Instinct was prompting him to act rather than speak, and so he did. Reaching out, he wound both arms around Remus and tugged him closer, inviting him to take refuge in a comforting embrace.

Remus shuddered, relaxing into Severus' arms. He felt guilty about dumping everything on Severus this way, but he couldn't seem to help himself. He hadn't had anyone who would listen to how he really felt about things, no one to hold him and just listen, and he was powerless to resist the opportunity to pour out his heart to someone who hadn't known Tonks and wouldn't think he was daft for not wanting to jump at the chance to marry her. 

"It was awful," he continued, his voice low and husky. "I didn't know how to be what she wanted, because I wasn't the person she thought I was, even though I _told_ her over and over again. The thought of having a child petrified me. I mean, I know lycanthropy isn't inherited, but what if _my_ child was the exception to the rule? What if something had gone wrong, and he'd been deformed or damaged? It would be my fault, and everyone would know it, and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I'd never even been with anyone before her, because it scared me so badly. But then Teddy was born, and... how could I not love him? I couldn't love his mother, but I do love my son. And I _still_ can't do what I want to do! When I was full of doubts before he was born, everyone told me I was horrid for not knowing if I could be a good father, and now that he's here and I want to be the best father I can, they won't _let_ me. I can't even see him when he's sick, and Tonks' mother hates me. I don't know, maybe she should. She blames me for Tonks' death, but I swear, it wasn't my fault. It was her decision to leave Teddy with her mother and join the battle. She was an Auror. She knew the risks, and I didn't ask her to take them that night, especially not on my account."

Remus fell silent, and only then did he realize that his eyes were damp. He wasn't sobbing, but the tears rolled down his face unheeded. He felt drained at last, having poured out all his guilt and grief and hopeless despair onto Severus' shoulder, and he sagged against Severus, more grateful than he could express for Severus' patience in listening to him.

Severus was aware of the tears, and he thought perhaps that was a good sign; if Remus had been carrying this around for a long time, as it sounded like he had been, then he was overdue for a release. In the aftermath of all that venting, Remus felt limp in Severus' arms, and Severus held him close, cradling Remus against his chest and smoothing his hand up and down the length of Remus' back in a gentle, rhythmic caress.

"Anything else?" he asked, a hint of levity in his voice, but he dared to press a kiss to the top of Remus' head to show he wasn't mocking Remus, only lightening the mood a little before he ventured his own opinions about the situation.

Remus moved one hand to the pocket of his robes, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping at his face. He felt empty in the aftermath, but better, too, as though a long-festering wound had been lanced at last. He gave a deep sigh, the caress of Severus' hands soothing him. It was the first comfort he felt he'd had in longer than he could remember, and he let it begin the healing he so desperately needed.

Then Severus spoke, but the kiss surprised Remus far more than the question. 

He lifted his head, searching Severus' face, and then he flushed, realizing it must have seemed an instinctive thing to Severus, a gesture of support and comfort rather than anything meant to be suggestive. He managed a watery chuckle, wondering how many other mistakes he could make. "I think that's enough, at least for now, don't you?" he murmured. "I don't want to overwhelm you with _all_ my problems, after all."

"Must I spell it out?" Severus asked with a blend of affection and exasperation in his voice. "You and your problems are not a burden." He lifted his hand and cupped Remus' cheek in his palm, meeting his gaze evenly; it was dangerous, he knew, and perhaps it was foolish as well, but he felt the connection between them stronger than ever, felt the bond growing, and even if it was only one-sided, he couldn't resist the lure. "I care, and I want to help if I can," he murmured, stroking Remus' cheek gently with his thumb.

Remus shivered, but he didn't drop his gaze. He looked into Severus' eyes, seeing the sincerity there. The old Severus had been an Occlumens, gifted in hiding what he really felt, but now... now he was holding nothing back, and Remus found that he couldn't resist it. For the first time since Albus' death, he felt as though someone genuinely cared about him, and it eased the ache of loneliness and isolation.

"You've helped already, more than you know," he said softly. "No one ever listened before, really listened to me." He flushed slightly. "I don't blame you if you think I'm awful or an idiot after all that. Sometimes I think there aren't many people who could have made as many mistakes as I have. And I don't ever want Teddy to find out... Not about my relationship with his mother, I mean, and that I didn't want him at first. I know what it's like to feel rejected, and I couldn't bear for that to happen to my son."

"After listening to everything you have told me today and at other times," Severus said, not removing his hand from Remus' cheek, "I think your biggest mistake is letting yourself be convinced that you do not have control over your own life. You have been told that in so many ways, you have come to believe it, and it is not true. There are things that are indeed beyond your control, but that does not mean you are powerless in every aspect or that you cannot work to change things." He shook his head, his lips thinned with disapproval, although it wasn't directed at Remus. "It goes back to what I have said before about prejudice against werewolves. People - even werewolves! - have simply accepted it rather than trying to do anything about it."

"Perhaps." Remus sighed, his expression somber. He wanted to believe Severus, but it was hard. After feeling out of control of everything for so long, it was hard to believe that he could actually do anything that might make a difference in his circumstances. "I just know I can't go on like this, not any more." His gaze became distant. "I even thought about taking Teddy and leaving England, going somewhere else, someplace the Ministry can't reach. But then what happens to him if something happens to me? Once every month, everything really is completely out of my control. It's an awful feeling, not even being able to control yourself."

"You have allowed that one night a month to control your entire life," Severus replied, his voice turning low and intense. "It has crippled you, and it is not helping Teddy. You must decide whether to let things continue as they have been or to take your life into _your_ hands for a change instead of letting things happen to you and letting other people lead you."

He paused, searching Remus' face, and then he made a decision. It was not easy, and the mere thought of what could happen made his stomach clench in fear, but he knew this was a turning point for both of them.

"Start now, Remus," he whispered. "You face a choice right now. Don't let me make it for you. Decide what _you_ want, no matter what that decision is."

With that, he leaned in and closed the distance between them, and he tightened his fingers on Remus' cheek as he brushed his lips against Remus', his breath hitching at the soft press of lips that was more than he could have ever imagined and yet not nearly enough.

Remus' eyes went wide, and he stared at Severus, caught between disbelief and desire as Severus kissed him fleetingly. He'd ignored any hint that Severus might want this, might really be attracted to him, rather than being innocently provocative, despite Sirius' comments to the contrary. Yet now he had issued an invitation, and Remus was faced with a choice: to respond or to pull away. Either way, he knew their friendship would change.

He held still for a moment, indecision churning within him. What if he chose incorrectly? What if he messed this up, too? He closed his eyes, and the wolf rose up, casting its vote. It was the first time Remus had felt that part of himself in such a way, wanting, craving, spurring Remus on. It wasn't a matter of control anymore, it was a matter of desire... and the wolf wanted to taste Severus, to take what was so willingly offered.

_And so do I._

Leaning forward, Remus closed the small distance between them, his mouth claiming Severus' gently but firmly. He'd never kissed a man before, and he was stunned at how _right_ it felt. Or perhaps it was just because he was kissing Severus, who had supported him, who _cared_ about him in a way that his own wife never really had.

His hands came up, sliding around Severus' shoulders of their own accord, and Remus gave a hungry little growl. Severus tasted wonderful, spicy and dark and dangerous, and Remus knew it was a flavor to which he could become addicted.

Awash in relief that Remus had accepted rather than rejected his overture, Severus parted his lips on a moan, the growl sending a shiver down his spine; he wound his arms around Remus' shoulders and willingly surrendered to the kiss, giving rather than taking control. It wasn't just his inexperience that made him yield; he wanted to give Remus the control he'd been lacking and show him that he too could take the lead and decide what _he_ wanted for a change.

But this was what Severus wanted too, and he responded eagerly, making up for what he lacked in experience and finesse with enthusiasm and uninhibited desire. He was ravenous, and only Remus could offer satiation.

Remus was not much more experienced than Severus was, despite having been married; he'd shied away from physical involvement, all too aware of his curse and the possibility that he might damage someone else. Not that there had been many people who'd been interested in him, for he was the type to blend into the background whenever possible. True, there were women who liked the quiet, reserved type, but none of them had been able to pierce his armor or to get beneath the shield of self-protection enshrouding him. None until Tonks, and only then because of pressure and grief and weakness on his part. And it had turned out to be as much of a disaster as he'd feared.

This was different, though, and for the first time, the part of his curse that held passion and need rose up, and he deepened the kiss, holding Severus tightly, exploring his mouth thoroughly and with eager hunger.

Severus slid one hand up and tangled his fingers in Remus' hair, cradling the back of Remus' head in his palm to hold him in place; he didn't bother trying to hold back the needy moans that rose in his throat in response to Remus' exploration, each stroke and thrust of Remus' tongue fanning the flames of his desire. But he wanted to taste too, and so he skimmed his tongue along Remus' bottom lip, asking for permission rather than taking charge. There would be another time and other kisses - he hoped! - when he could be more forceful, but this time was for Remus to be in control and to make decisions rather than having them made for him.

Severus' moans of pleasure stirred Remus' blood, and the wolf answered with a deeper growl of satisfaction. Remus had never known passion like this before, not from another person and especially not from himself. He felt as though he were on fire, every touch of Severus' hands fanning the flames even higher. When Severus' tongue ghosted over his lip, Remus willingly allowed him entry, more than happy for the give and take to continue for as long as possible.

He was awash in sensation, his skin exquisitely sensitive, leaving him aware of every point of contact between their bodies. He moved his hands downward along Severus' back to his hips, fingers seeking and exploring even through the layers of fabric separating their bodies. Severus was all hard planes and angles with no hint of feminine roundness, but Remus liked the difference. It was familiar and right, and he moved restlessly, wanting more.

Severus accepted the invitation eagerly, slipping his tongue between Remus' lips without hesitation; mirroring Remus' actions, he explored at a leisurely pace, savoring the intimacy of the embrace. Remus' mouth was warm and sweet, and Severus felt as if he couldn't possibly satisfy his need for more - more kisses, more touches, more _everything_.

The feel of Remus' hands roaming his body, stroking him without any sign of hesitation, made him arch and squirm, and he longed to feel Remus' hands on his bare skin. But Remus was scarcely more experienced in this matter than he was, and he wasn't certain how far Remus was willing to go. He broke away from the kiss with reluctance, panting for air as he gazed at Remus, taking satisfaction in the sight of Remus' rosy, wet lips and flushed cheeks.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked. "I am happy to continue, but while I have no practical experience with sex, I have been aware of my orientation for several weeks, thus the fact that I desire you is no surprise. If you need to proceed at a slower pace while you assimilate this new revelation about yourself, we can do so." He stroked Remus' cheek gently. "There is no rush, and I want you to be certain this is what you want."

Remus made a small sound of loss as Severus pulled back, and he opened his eyes slowly, staring at Severus as though he'd never seen him before. He'd never felt anything like what they'd just shared, and he felt dizzy with it, his head spinning in the most wonderful way possible.

The wolf was well pleased as well, and Remus could feel it rising up even more, latching onto Severus' desire. Remus realized he could smell it, a scent rising from Severus' skin, musky and delicious and all for _him_. The darkness within him knew what it wanted; it wanted naked skin and sliding flesh and heat and pleasure. It wanted Severus screaming beneath him in pleasure rather than pain, and Remus' breath caught as he struggled between the desire of the wolf and his own conscience. Part of him wanted to give in, to let this go as far as it would, but another part, the one that had spent years urging him to caution - the part he had ignored the night Albus was killed - was crying out in alarm.

It wasn't that he didn't want Severus - he did and in way he'd never desired Tonks - but Severus was right; this was new to him, despite the inkling he'd gotten the last time he'd been here in Severus' room. "I do... and I don't," he said at last, looking at Severus somberly, taking comfort in the way Severus was stroking his cheek and placing no demands on him. "This isn't something I'd ever imagined about myself, and you're right, I don't think I'm ready -" he smiled crookedly "- mentally, that is. I don't know if it's right for you, either. If I'm right for you."

"That is _my_ decision to make," Severus replied tartly, giving him a haughty look reminiscent of the old Severus. "I think we suit each other rather well. I think you need someone like me to put a rod in your spine and encourage you not to accept things just because someone tells you that you must." A half-smile tugged at his lips as he gently tucked a stray lock of hair behind Remus' ear, feeling a rush of fond exasperation for Remus, who obviously had no idea how appealing he was. "There is also the fact that you are irresistibly lovable, faults and all, and I have no desire to bother trying to resist. I know what I want," he said, leaning forward to press a kiss to Remus' forehead before pulling back and putting a little safe distance between them. "And what I want is to give us a try. However, I leave it to you to decide if that is what you want too. If not, rest assured, we will remain friends."

He didn't like the thought of being just friends, but it was better than not having Remus in his life at all, and if it meant taking cold showers until he got Remus out of his system, so be it.

Remus flushed, embarrassed but also pleased by Severus' words. Tonks had wanted him, too, but that had been different. She hadn't understood him, not the way that Severus seemed to. He felt guilty, thinking of her in comparison to Severus, but he couldn't help it. Severus was his age, and even if he had lost his memories, he was closer to what Remus felt he needed from a partner. Severus also didn't seem to be seeing things through rose-colored glasses, although he definitely hadn't seen all of Remus' faults yet.

In fact, Remus' biggest hesitation at this point was that he was afraid Severus' attraction might have more to do with propinquity than anything else, despite Severus' protestations. He felt a surprising lack of doubt about their compatibility, unlike his reservations with Tonks, but in this case, he'd seen enough of other people to be more certain about what he wanted. A part of him wanted to take everything Severus was offering, yet Remus felt it wouldn't be fair to Severus.

"I have no doubt we will always remain friends, no matter what," he replied huskily, reaching out to take one of Severus' hands in his and squeezing it lightly. "And have no doubt, I am attracted to you. Very much so, and in ways I've never been attracted to anyone else, male or female. But we don't have to rush. There's time, and I think we should take it. Just to be sure."

"Of course." Severus nodded, a little disappointed but not surprised. As much as he wished Remus was willing to jump into bed then and there, he understood why Remus was being cautious, and he had no intention of being another person in the long line of others who had pushed and prodded Remus into doing things he didn't want or wasn't ready for. He glanced down at himself and drew the folds of his dressing gown more closely around his body. "Well, since you are at loose ends and I have no set plans for the day, shall we make plans? Surely there are plenty of wonders of the wizarding world I have yet to see. Diagon Alley, for example. The only shops I have been in are the wand shop and one of the garment shops."

Remus smiled, grateful to Severus for his understanding. After being tossed about and having his opinion set aside, it meant so much that Severus respected his feelings and was willing to go along with what he wanted. "I'd love to spend the day with you, and we can go anywhere you'd like. Diagon Alley is fascinating, and there is a bookshop there that is almost as impressive as the Hogwart's library. Not to mention an ice cream shop that has the most wonderful sundaes in the known world. If you can't remember ice cream, I look forward to introducing you to it again." His eyes sparkled wickedly. "It's almost as good as sex."

Severus gave Remus a Look as he rose to his feet. "I'll take your word for it since obviously I have no basis of comparison. Wait here and amuse yourself for a few minutes, and I will dress so we can depart. I won't be long."

With that, he swept away to the bedroom, his dressing gown billowing dramatically in his wake.

Remus watched Severus go, his chuckle echoing around the room. It was hard to believe that only an hour ago, he had felt on the verge of despair, as though nothing in his life was right. But Severus had held him and kissed him, and suddenly Remus felt as though there was hope and a reason to go on.

He knew the fact that Severus could set his world right so easily meant something. Now he just had to figure out what that something was.

* * *

"Thank you for agreeing to see me," Severus said as he entered the spacious office and approached the tall man behind the desk.

The man - Kingsley Shacklebolt - folded his arms across his chest and gave Severus a look that was dubious, bordering on forbidding. "Get to the point, Snape."

"Severus." He took a seat without waiting for an invitation and arranged his robes fastidiously. "I'm given to understand I knew you, thus I see no reason to stand on formality."

That seemed to take Shacklebolt aback, and he sat down behind his desk, his expression shifting to something more puzzled and less unwelcoming. Severus studied him, surprised to see Shacklebolt was so young. Then again, from what he had read, the Ministry had been heavily infiltrated by Voldemort's followers even before Voldemort himself took over. Perhaps there hadn't been many who remained both uncorrupted and alive after it was all over. Still, Shacklebolt presented a good public image for the Ministry, a handsome war hero who might be able to restore the public's faith. _If_ he matched his deeds to his pretty words, Severus thought, not ready to offer his faith and trust yet.

"I read about what happened to you," Shacklebolt said, regarding him curiously. "I investigated, and when I found out what Rita Skeeter had written wasn't a gross exaggeration for once, I took steps. The new Dementors have been disposed of. Azkaban will be guarded by humans from now on."

"Have you considered hiring werewolves to serve as guards?" Severus asked. "They are stronger and have better hearing than the average human. They could be useful in that capacity."

"Ah, yes." Shacklebolt leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers as he continued to study Severus. "Your letter indicated you have taken up the cause. Why is that?"

"Because I've read the laws, and they're appalling," Severus said, deciding to be blunt. He had one shot to convince the minister, and he intended to make the most of it; if that meant stating unwelcome truths, so be it. "I've read about the way non-human magical beings have been treated, and that is appalling too. Because I have a friend who has lived in despair for far too long, and I want to do something about it." He shrugged and spread his hands. "It began as indignation on Remus' behalf, but now I have a bigger picture in view."

"Minerva warned me about your crusader's fire." Shacklebolt smiled, seeming genuinely amused rather than mocking. "I'd say I'm surprised to see this side of you, but..." He tilted his head, scrutinizing Severus closely. "I'm not, really. You always did have an air of fire and brimstone about you."

"I assume that's a good thing," Severus said dryly.

"Your students wouldn't say so, I'm sure!" Shacklebolt laughed then, a deep, rich sound. "At any rate, you needn't convince me. I agree that changes need to be made."

Severus' brow furrowed in a puzzled frown. "Then why did you grant me an audience? You could have just written to say so."

"Because I was curious to see if you had changed as much as Minerva and Harry said you had," Shacklebolt replied. "And because I wanted to know if you have any ideas. It occurred to me that someone like you, who has a uniquely outsider perspective, could provide insights that someone who has long been immersed in the system might not think of."

Severus didn't bother to hide his surprise at that, and his respect for Shacklebolt raised a few notches. "Obviously, the first step is to repeal the restrictive laws, but beyond that, I would suggest creating a new Werewolf Division instead of shuffling them back and forth between the Beast Division and Being Division. Spirits have their own division based on the fact that they are neither beasts nor beings. Werewolves are both, and they should have one place to go where their needs will be handled."

Shacklebolt nodded. "It would streamline our resources to put the werewolf registry, the capture unit, and the werewolf support services together in one area."

"It would make things simpler for all involved," Severus pointed out. "A new werewolf could come in to register and receive all the information and assistance he or she needs during the process instead of having to go from one division to another. If those damned laws were repealed, you could hire werewolves to work there. Who better to offer support and assistance than someone intimately familiar with the condition?"

"Well, if a new division was created, I would need someone to run it," Shacklebolt mused. "They could choose their own staff. Do you think Remus would do well in the position?"

"As head of the division?" Severus hesitated, and then he slowly shook his head. "He would do best in support services, I think. You need someone who is both organized and comfortable with taking charge of other people to head the division."

"I don't suppose you would be interested?" Shacklebolt grinned at him, and he answered with a small smile of his own.

"I may not know much about myself, but I know I am not a bureaucrat," he replied. "I would rather try my hand at teaching again."

"A pity. We could use more people like you in the Ministry, especially now." Shacklebolt leaned forward and rested his folded hands on his desk. "I was prepared not to like the new you any more than I liked the old you, especially after the threat you made about going to the newspapers again. I find myself pleasantly surprised."

"Thank you. So do I," Severus replied, and that coaxed another laugh out of Shacklebolt. "I've no intention of setting Rita Skeeter on the Ministry again as long as a good faith effort is made to fix the problems inherent in the system. You are in a unique position given the post-war climate to make significant changes for the better. Whether you take advantage of that or not is up to you, of course, but such opportunities do not come along often, and it seems our society needs to be shaken out of its stagnation."

"On that, we are in agreement." Shacklebolt smiled again, his features relaxing into a far more pleasant expression when he looked at Severus. "Was there anything else?"

Severus hesitated, and then he nodded, deciding to take full advantage of his own chance while he had it. "I wondered if you knew Remus' son was taken away from him by Ministry decree."

"What?" Shacklebolt sat up straight, frowning. "No, I didn't know. He isn't in an orphanage, is he?"

"No, but custody has been granted to his grandmother, who restricts Remus' access to him. She has even ordered Remus to stay away on occasion." It was stretching the truth a bit, but not by much, and Severus didn't feel guilty about it.

"I knew Tonks," Shacklebolt said, his expression turning pensive, almost sad. "That isn't what she would have wanted, I'm certain of it. She loved Remus, and she trusted him to be a good father - more than he trusted himself at times. She would have wanted him to raise their son."

"Remus _is_ a good father. As much as his mother-in-law will allow him to be, at least," Severus said fiercely. "He is accepting any job he can find in hopes of making enough money to satisfy the Ministry's demands. They have refused to grant him custody unless he can prove he is able to support himself and the child _and_ afford the Wolfsbane Potion each month, yet the laws regarding werewolf employment limit his options, and so he is putting up fences and mending roofs for lack of any other means of earning money short of beggary or prostitution."

"Merlin..." Shacklebolt ran his hand along the smooth curve of his bald head and rubbed the back of his neck. "I had no idea it was that bad. He probably hasn't said a word to anyone about it, either, the stubborn bugger."

"The question is, can anything be done?"

"You can be damned certain I'm going to find out," Shacklebolt replied grimly, and Severus nodded, satisfied that Shacklebolt meant what he'd said.

"Good." Severus rose to his feet and extended his hand across the desk. "That is all. For now, at any rate," he added archly. "Thank you for your time, Minister Shacklebolt.

Shacklebolt clasped his hand and shook it firmly. "Call me Kingsley."


	6. Chapter 6

The sound of his window rattling woke Remus from a deep sleep, and he sat up groggily, blinking in confusion before squinting at his small clock. There was just enough light seeping in from between the curtains to indicate it was after eight, and Remus groaned, hauling himself out of the bed and heading toward the window just as it rattled again.

It was Sunday morning, his one chance to lie in a bit, but the thought that something might be wrong with Teddy and Andromeda was owling him about it was enough to help him shake off the cobwebs of exhaustion lingering on the edges of his mind. Teddy had been fine the previous evening when he'd dropped the baby off at Andromeda's house, but dealing with his son so soon after Thursday night's full moon had been extremely tiring. It was enough to make him think that when he did get Teddy back, he might need to hire a nanny for a day or so after the transformation. If, that was, Andromeda didn't raise an outcry over not having Teddy during that time.

Shaking his head, Remus opened the curtain and saw an owl waiting on the sill. Fortunately, it wasn't Andromeda's owl, and he relaxed slightly, opening the sash and allowing the owl to enter. He could see it held a rather large bundle in its beak, and Remus took it, his curiosity rising as he handed the owl a piece of leftover toast, the remnants of Remus' dinner the previous night.

The owl disdained the offering with an imperious blink of its eyes, and then it turned and flew back out. Remus frowned, unwrapping the package; apparently whoever had sent it wasn't expecting a reply.

The parchment fell open to reveal a letter wrapped around a copy of _The Daily Prophet_. Remus reached for his reading glasses, and then he picked up the parchment, smiling when he recognized Harry's messy scrawl.

_Remus -_

I know it's early, but I saw this and I couldn't wait to make sure you saw it too. I didn't know Kingsley was looking into this, but I've been rather busy with my Auror training. I'm sorry I hadn't thought more about what you've been going through the last couple of months. I suppose there's just been so much going on that I forgot, and when Sirius pops in to visit, he always says you're fine. I hope you know that if you need anything, you can call on me. I think I'll ask Kings if he wants me to do or say something to help this along. I'm trying to stay out of the press, as you can imagine, but for you, I'd be willing to come out of what they call my "seclusion".

Take care!  
Harry

 

The first thing that struck Remus was a rush of affection for Harry; they hadn't had much contact since the end of the war, it was true, but Harry was a young man with a life to build and his own set of priorities, so Remus hadn't felt slighted. The second was that, amazingly, Sirius seemed to have kept his word not to ask Harry for any help on Remus' behalf, apparently not even dropping hints. He felt bad for not having given Sirius more credit for taking his desires into account.

He picked up the paper, scanning over the headlines which talked about some recent robberies in Diagon Alley, to a smaller section at the bottom of the first page.

_Ministry to review Werewolf employment laws  
Is new Minister Shacklebolt champion of the oppressed?_

Remus' jaw dropped in surprise, and he quickly scanned the text of the article, which reported that Kingsley was apparently forming a new committee to review the laws governing werewolf employment with an eye toward reforms which would allow lycanthropes to earn a living wage. The tone of the article was positive, which surprised Remus a bit, given that it had been written by none other than Rita Skeeter. Then again, she had been positive about Severus as a way to poke at the Ministry, and he noted with some amusement that she was still at it.

"This reporter thinks it's high time that the policies of a Ministry which was in denial about so many dangers in our society were put under scrutiny. The previous administration's lack of action on the issue of the self-styled Lord Voldemort almost had tragic consequences. As history has shown, oppression of minorities, such as those against the Muggleborn which have been at issue time and time again over the years, never results in anything positive. It is time, in this reporter's opinion, to practice policies of assimilation, so that we are not ultimately faced with more social strife."

Remus read the words aloud, then nodded, feeling a warm curl of satisfaction. He wondered if the letter Severus had told him about writing to Kingsley had brought this about, and he grinned in pleasure. Severus had told him that action would yield results, and apparently, that had been true, although the action in question had no doubt been Severus'. He owed Severus for this; it wasn't a done deal yet, of course, but this gave him hope. Kingsley was an honorable man, and Remus didn't think Kingsley would be willing to talk to a reporter about doing something unless he intended to fight to make it happen.

He read the article again, then put the paper away carefully so he could look at it whenever he needed a reminder that things really could change. Staring out the window, he thought about how much his life had changed since Severus had come back into it and how all those changes had been for the good. He still wasn't certain he was ready for the physical intimacy they both wanted, but everything about Severus made him happy. He wanted to share this with Severus, and so he hurried to shower and change, his fatigue forgotten in a surge of optimism.

By the time he was ready, it was after nine, and he thought perhaps it wasn't too early to head toward Hogwarts if he walked slowly. He didn't want to wake Severus, but hopefully, Severus would be up and could be encouraged to come out for a bit of a celebration. He headed down the path toward the school with a smile on his lips, and his eyes were sparkling with happiness by the time he made it to Severus' room and knocked on the door.

Severus had just emerged from the bath when he heard the knock, and he wrapped his dressing gown tightly around himself before going to the door; he opened it, suspecting Remus was his visitor since Minerva always sent an owl first, although he was curious about why Remus was here so early when they didn't have plans. He had deliberately waited for Remus to contact him, busying himself with his studies and practice alone instead of pursuing more lessons from Remus, wanting to give Remus some time and space to think about their last meeting in his own time instead of making him feel pressured.

His eyebrows climbed when he saw Remus' expression, which was about as far from the way Remus had looked the last time he'd been here as possible. "Good morning," he said. "From the look on your face, I assume there is something very good about it indeed."

"Yes!" Remus couldn't help himself; between the excitement of the news and the sight of Severus, flushed and damp, doing funny things to his heart rate, he couldn't help himself. He stepped closer, taking a risk, and wrapped his arms around Severus. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to Severus', eager to see if Severus tasted as good as he looked.

Startled by the unexpected show of affection, Severus didn't respond at first, but when the shock wore off, he slid one arm around Remus and returned the kiss, keeping it light and unthreatening. Mostly, he didn't want Remus to feel pressured, but he also wanted to protect himself in case Remus decided he didn't want this and it wasn't worth the risk, which meant trying to safeguard his heart and not flinging himself headlong into a situation he wasn't certain would work out in his favor.

"Well, what is it, then?" he asked when he pulled back from the kiss.

"It's good news from the Ministry," Remus replied, reaching into his robe to pull out the copy of the _Prophet_. He held it out to Severus with a grin. "So, did you have something to do with this? I think it's a cause for celebration either way, but if your clever touch is in this, as I suspect it is, then it's doubly worth note. I know I owe you a great deal, Severus. Your support has been so important to me. _You_ are important to me."

Severus skimmed the front page until he found the article, and he read it closely, nodding with satisfaction. He wasn't surprised Rita Skeeter had jumped at the opportunity to publicize this controversial issue, and he was relieved she had spun it in favor of the werewolves; certainly, he didn't care how bad the Ministry itself was made to look for all that he liked Kingsley Shacklebolt. Kingsley was one man up against an entire bloated institution, and he faced an uphill battle; if it took using the press to rouse the public and pressure the Ministry, so be it. Severus silently applauded him for being willing to use whatever tools he had available.

He glanced up, Remus' words sinking in at last, and he smiled slightly. "I was granted an audience with Minister Shacklebolt recently," he admitted. "He was receptive to the idea of revisiting the laws."

"Thank you so much," Remus said softly, reaching up to cup Severus' jaw with his hand. He stroked a thumb over the high ridge of Severus' cheekbone, his eyes bright with gratitude. "There have been very few people who have ever fought for me, who have believed in me and wanted to help me. You have no idea how special you are, Severus. I don't even know how to express what it means to me."

A light flush rose in Severus' cheeks as warmth flooded him at the touch, and he allowed himself the luxury of leaning against Remus' hand. Surely that was all right, he thought. He wanted to be careful, but some temptations were too great to resist.

"Taking a stand against injustice is hardly special," he said. "At least, it shouldn't be. I like my world, but there are things that need to be changed about it."

Remus continued to stroke Severus' cheek, unable to pull himself away when he was enjoying the feel of Severus' skin against his palm so much. "It is special. You're right, though. The world does need to be changed, and there probably always will be injustices to fight. We're human, and we don't always get it right, but as long as people keep open minds and don't close their eyes to possibilities, there's hope that we can keep improving. And in the interest of improving both our worlds in the short term, I would like to ask you to come to Diagon Alley with me, if you are so inclined. Lunch and ice cream, my treat? As a way of thanking you for what you've done." He smiled shyly. "Or if you prefer, you can think of it as a date?"

It was on the tip of Severus' tongue to ask if that was a wise idea considering Remus' precarious financial situation, but he bit back the words, realizing it might sound rude; he didn't want to sound disparaging when Remus obviously wanted to do something for him. Besides, he was hard-pressed to say no to the idea of a date.

"As long as you understand I do not require recompense," he replied. "The last thing I want is for you to feel indebted to me."

"I know," Remus replied. He leaned forward to press his lips to Severus' again, lightly but affectionately. "But I want you to know that you are special to me, and that I won't take you or your efforts for granted. I know what it feels like, and I would never do that to you. Besides, this is worth celebrating, not just for my sake, but for the sake of all werewolves. It's the first time I've truly felt like there is something for me to be happy about since the war ended."

"Certainly a big change is on the horizon," Severus agreed. "At least there is hope for one, and I suppose that is worth celebrating." He glanced down at himself. "I need to dress," he said. "I had just finished bathing when you arrived, thus all I need to do is put on my clothes."

Remus nodded, happy that Severus was willing to come out with him. "Certainly. Nothing fancy, all right? We can go to the Leaky Cauldron for lunch, if that's all right. Have you been there yet? It's sort of a landmark. We could even go out into Muggle London, if you've not been. You could see how the other half lives... so to speak."

"I have been through the Leaky Cauldron, but I have not eaten there," Severus replied, reaching up to close the lapels of his dressing gown at his throat with one hand. After remembering his state of undress, he was feeling a little conspicuous. "Neither have I seen anything of Muggle London. It would be interesting to learn more about the other half of my heritage."

"Then that's where we'll go," Remus replied. He put his hands on Severus' shoulders, turning him around and giving him a light, playful swat on the arse. "So get changed, and our adventure can begin!"

Severus jerked, his eyes flying open wide at the unexpected swat, and he gave Remus a startled look over his shoulder before disappearing into his bedroom. He dressed quickly, choosing a set of black robes with a high collar rather than the more flattering robes he had once worn to entice Remus; those robes, he thought, were inappropriate for the time being. He brushed his hair and tied it back into a neat ponytail, and with that, he was ready.

He emerged from his bedroom and nodded as he approached Remus. "I am ready now."

"Well... not quite." Remus pressed a finger to his lips, walking around Severus speculatively. When he was in front of Severus again, he drew his wand. "You don't have any Muggle clothes, right? I'm afraid those robes will be terribly conspicious, since Muggles don't dress that way. If you like, though, I can Transfigure your robes into something less obvious. What do you think? Do you trust me?"

Severus glanced down at his robes and back up at Remus. "No, I don't have any clothes other than robes," he said. "If this won't do, then I suppose they will need to be changed. I have no basis of reference for what Muggle clothes ought to look like, so I have no choice but to trust you since I cannot do it myself." He held out his arms by his sides. "Go ahead, then."

With a reassuring smile, Remus waved his wand. Severus' robes shimmered, then split and tightened around each leg, forming black trousers that were neatly pleated in the front and clung nicely over his arse. The top of the robe became a black shirt with silver buttons, the style altering little from that of the robe it had been. Remus examined his handiwork with a critical eye, and then he nodded. Severus looked damned good in trousers, if he did say so himself. "I like it," he murmured. "So, do you want to have a look and see what you think?"

Severus glanced down at himself again, satisfied by what he saw; he wasn't concerned about how he looked, and as long as he wasn't wearing anything too exposing or flamboyant, he was content. "It looks fine to me," he said with an insouciant shrug. "As long as I will not stand out among Muggles, I am satisfied. Are we ready now?"

"Yes, I think so," Remus said, tucking his wand away. He stretched out his hand toward Severus with a smile. "We can take the Floo from your office."

Severus hesitated, and then he slowly reached out to clasp Remus' hand, holding it loosely as they exited his bedroom and headed down the corridor to his office - or rather, what would be his office if he proved himself capable of handling the position by the end of August. It was still barren; he hadn't moved in yet, confining his activities to his quarters and private workroom. The fireplace blazed to life when they entered, and he saw a pot of Floo powder on the mantle, ready for use.

"I can go first," Remus said, squeezing Severus' hand reassuringly before releasing it. He took a pinch of Floo powder, threw it on the flames, and stepped into the hearth. "Leaky Cauldron!" he said loudly and clearly, then disappeared in a blaze of green light.

He stepped from the grate on the other side, waving a greeting to Tom. Then he turned back to face the hearth, brushing soot from his clothes as he waited for Severus to arrive.

Severus stepped out of the green flames and onto the hearth a few moments later, and he dusted off his clothes fastidiously before moving to join Remus. He glanced around, taking in the pub's warm, welcoming atmosphere; he could smell food, an enticing scent that promised lunch would be decent, at least. A few of the patrons watched him with blatant curiosity, but he ignored them; he was accustomed to being the focus of curiosity when he went out in public. Very few people approached him, and gawking didn't bother him.

"Are we going to eat lunch first and then tour London or vice versa?" he asked.

"Why don't we eat and fortify ourselves for a long walk? I can also describe things or answer any questions you might have about Muggles and what their society is like," Remus said. He glanced around, then spotted a table that was off to one side but not totally secluded, so that they could see people come and go. "Let's have a seat, and Tom will come over to take our orders."

He led Severus toward the table and sat down, handing Severus one of the menus from the side near the wall. "Most of the food here is pretty good, but I'd say to avoid the pea soup unless you are feeling particularly adventurous."

"Duly noted," Severus replied as he took a seat across from Remus and accepted the menu. He looked over the selections and decided to play it safe with shepherd's pie; closing the menu, he put it aside and folded his hands on the table. "I don't know enough about Muggles to have questions. I know they have no magic, and we try to keep our world concealed from them. Beyond that, my knowledge is sketchy." He shrugged and shook his head.

Remus decided on roast beef, then signaled Tom before putting his own menu back. "Correct. Not only do they not have magic, but they don't believe in it either, and we have to make certain to keep our world hidden for our protection. Even though they don't have magic, they have technology, which, believe me, can do a lot of the same things magic can do. Plus there are far more of them than there are of us. If they became aware of our presence and decided to come after us, I have no doubt who would win. But for the most part, they are very much like us. People going about their lives, trying to find happiness. Some are good, some are bad, and most are just... people."

Tom approached and took their orders, and Severus waited until he had moved away before responding. "I did read that our numbers are smaller than theirs," he said. "I'm most interested in how they manage without magic. You mentioned we are both half-bloods, so I must have had some exposure to Muggle culture and technology. What about you?" He regarded Remus quizzically. "Why have you not retreated to the Muggle world if they do not believe in magic and presumably not in werewolves either? It seems you would fare better there than here."

Remus was quiet for a moment. "Perhaps I would be better among the Muggles," he said quietly, then sighed. "Unfortunately, though, out there I'm still a werewolf and still dangerous, and my life and everything I know and love is here. Believe me, I've considered it, but out there, everything I have to say is a lie. Where did I go to school, what did I do for a living, who is my family... I suppose it just feels like it would be nothing but a charade, rather than a life. I couldn't have magic, so I'd be denying a part of myself as well." He smiled crookedly. "Unfortunately, it's not the part of myself I really wish I could deny."

"An understandable reason," Severus replied, nodding. He had already grown comfortable enough with basic charms and spells to know he would dislike having to give up using magic as well, although he supposed his perspective was skewed by the fact that he didn't remember his Muggle background.

He glanced down at the nicked wood of the table and around at the dimly lit common room, feeling at something of a loss. He was trying not to do or say anything that might be construed as pushing or pressure; after hearing the way Remus had been led around by the nose, he didn't want to continue the pattern. He was also feeling his own ignorance more keenly; perhaps if he had his memories, he would be socially adept enough to handle the situation, but as it was, he had no knowledge or experience to call on, and he felt out of his depth, and for him, the easy camaraderie they had shared felt strained. The best thing he could do, he supposed, was keep his distance and think of Remus as nothing more than a friend; that ought to be safe enough.

"So then. Is there anything else I should know about Muggles before I venture into their world?" he asked.

Remus watched the play of emotion across Severus' face. It was subtle, true, but Severus was not the master of hiding his feelings that he had been before. There was uncertainty there and perhaps a hint of strain, and Remus wondered suddenly if things had changed.

"Severus... is something bothering you?" he asked softly, his expression open and sincere. "I've noticed you seem a bit more... reserved with me since the last time we were together. Have you changed your mind about wanting, er, anything beyond friendship with me? If you have, I will respect your decision, and it won't affect our friendship. I just... I'm sorry, if I've messed something up." He flushed slightly, feeling suddenly uncertain himself. "I don't have much more experience with relationships than you do. But I wouldn't hurt you for the world."

Severus stared at him for a moment, wide-eyed, and he felt a slow flush rise in his cheeks as he shook his head. "No, you haven't done anything wrong, and I haven't changed my mind." He picked absently at the wood table top, trying to decide how to explain without humiliating himself or upsetting Remus. "I don't want to push you as others have done, but I have no experience with this kind of thing, so I have no clear idea of what might be considered pushing too hard. I thought it would be easier for both of us if I backed off."

Remus considered that, nodding slightly, and then he smiled, reaching across the table to touch Severus' hand. "I'm relieved to know you are still interested. I was beginning to think I was making a total arse of myself." He paused, stroking Severus' hand. "Look, you couldn't push me like they did. It's just not the same kind of situation. I think we want the same thing; I just didn't want to rush it then. Making your wants and needs known isn't the same as applying pressure by bringing in outsiders to tell me that I should do what you want. We're both adults, and I think we can listen to each other and communicate how we feel. If I feel pressured, I'll just tell you, all right? I won't hold it in and let it fester or think badly of you. And vice versa, if I seem to be taking you in a direction you don't wish to go. What do you think? Will that work?"

"I think so," Severus said slowly, and then he grimaced a little. "I have read a couple of books on courtship and sex, but studying relationships is not like studying potions or charms. It's all so confusing and there are so many variables. I would blame the loss of my memories for my lack of finesse, but from everything I have heard, I didn't have very good social skills then either."

"It is confusing," Remus agreed. "I don't know that a book on relationships would really be helpful, because people are too different. You're right, there are so many variables, and at the age we are, there tends to be a lot of baggage brought into it." He gave a small chuckle. "Well, you may be unique in that respect, since you don't have any beyond inexperience. But if we're open and direct, and we each have the other's happiness in mind, I don't think we'll have any serious problems."

"I would like to make you happy if I can," Severus replied, lifting his head and meeting Remus' gaze evenly. "I'm not certain I know how, but I am willing to learn."

"I think we both have a lot to learn," Remus said, smiling into Severus' eyes. "And I want to make you happy, too. But if you want to make _me_ happy, you can do it by just acting natural, doing what you feel when you feel it. I appreciate you recognizing I've had issues in the past, but you... it's different with you. We're together in this. Oddly enough, I never had an issue with you about pressuring me even before. You may not have liked me much, but you actually _gave_ me control by brewing the Wolfsbane potion. There were times when I definitely felt you did more for me than the people who were supposed to be my friends."

"It's all right if I touch you, then?" Severus asked, wanting to be certain. "You must tell me if I rush you, however. I have no desire to do the same thing that has been done to you before. Perhaps I am being overly cautious, but I don't want to make a grievous error and drive you away or make you feel controlled again."

"You won't, but I promise I'll tell you if I feel you're rushing me in any way," Remus said solemnly. He lifted his hand and drew an X over his heart. "I'm not the best communicator in the world myself, but I'll do my best, and you have to promise me to tell me if I do something that bothers you, too. I want you to touch me, Severus. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here."

"Very well, then." A slight smile tugged one corner of Severus' mouth, and he turned over his hand beneath Remus' and curled his fingers around Remus' hand, squeezing gently. "I will try to be less reticent."

Tom returned to the table with their food, and Severus released Remus' hand and sat back, moving out of the way as Tom set their plates in front of them. The food smelled good, and Severus picked up his fork, feeling his appetite renewed after the reassuring discussion.

Remus was encouraged by Severus' touch, and he breathed a silent sigh of relief. Things were going to be all right; he was sure of it, and he bit into his sandwich with appetite. He chewed and swallowed, then smiled happily. "This is good. It's been a long time since I've eaten out. I'd forgotten how good Tom's sandwiches are. How's your shepherd pie?"

"I like it," Severus replied, forking up another bite, which he held out to Remus, offering it across the table. "Would you like to try it?"

Remus' eyes glinted, and he lifted up slightly from his seat and leaned over the table, slowly closing his lips over Severus' fork. Then he pulled back, lowering down to his chair and chewing the bite. "Delicious," he murmured, not tasting the food but the faint trace of Severus he fancied he could taste. "I can see why you like it."

Severus swallowed hard, feeling that familiar clenching in his stomach at the sight of the gleam in Remus' eyes. He wasn't certain how taking a bite of food could be arousing, but somehow it was. "Yes, it's very good. Very... tempting," he said, his voice deep and slightly hoarse.

Remus couldn't help but be pleased by the way Severus responded, suddenly looking flustered and the timbre of his voice becoming rough and sultry. Smiling, Remus reached out to wipe a trace of gravy off the corner of Severus' mouth, then he brought the finger back to his mouth and licked it. "Definitely tempting. In fact, it would be a shame to waste even a tiny bit, don't you think?"

A shudder that wasn't all desire went down Remus' spine, and he lifted his eyes, some instinct prompting him to look behind Severus. There was nothing there except more tables and the passageway leading toward Diagon Alley, and he tilted his head, wondering what had seemed to catch the wolf's interest. He blinked, then looked back to Severus, dismissing the notion that someone had been watching them. And what did it matter if there had been? They weren't doing anything wrong or indecent, no more than any other couple on a date.

Severus' eyes widened, and he felt a low heat burning in the pit of his stomach as he watched Remus lick his own finger. So this was what it was like to be flirted with, he mused. He liked it - liked the warmth blooming within him, liked how it felt to be the focus of Remus' attention, liked knowing that he wasn't the only one feeling an ache of need to touch and be touched.

Underneath all the simmering, however, he felt something else. A prickle of awareness that had nothing to do with Remus. He felt like he was being watched, and it took all his willpower not to turn around and find out whether it was true or not. If someone was watching him, it was hardly a novel experience; he'd been gawked at quite a bit, and he found the best way to deal with it was to ignore it unless the person gawking decided to approach and start a conversation.

"I would ask if you want more," he said at last, his expression turning arch, almost teasing. "However, I think I already know the answer to that."

"And you would be right," Remus replied, his eyes intense as he gazed at Severus. "I have never reacted to anyone the way I do to you or felt the desire you have made me feel. I don't know if Sirius was right, and I've been denying my sexuality, or if it's just... you. All I know is that no one, male or female, has ever gotten under my skin this way."

"Good." The word was softly spoken, but there was no doubting the fervent sincerity behind it, and Severus reached across the table to close his fingers around Remus' wrist. "I don't care if you truly prefer women and I am the notable exception or if you have been in denial about your true preferences. All that matters to me is that you _do_ react to me."

He released Remus' wrist and turned his attention back to his food, taking a few bites. "I realize things have happened quickly," he said. "But I was drawn to you from the first moment I saw you in Hogsmeade, and while I have seen other attractive men before and since then, I haven't felt the same kind of pull." He rested his chin in his hand, regarding Remus speculatively. "I must wonder if my former self harbored some kind of secret fascination for you. I have no proof one way or another, but it seems possible given how quickly and easily I developed an interest in you."

Remus flushed with pleasure. "It's hard to believe you were drawn to me, of all people," he said softly. "But I'm not going to fight it or question my good fortune. But you're right, it does make me wonder what might have been, years ago, if we hadn't had so much standing between us. I suppose it doesn't matter now, really. What's important is where we go from now."

"Yes. Whether we might have had a chance together years ago is a moot point," Severus agreed. "We have a chance now. As for where we go... I suppose we had best finish our meal and go into Muggle London before we get too carried away."

"Agreed." Remus bit into his sandwich with appetite. "Now, you were asking about Muggles, weren't you? I suppose there isn't anything to know about them particularly, other than they seem to have fantastical imaginations. They don't seem to believe in magic for the most part, or ghosts or anything else out of the ordinary, but they don't have any problem envisioning it. I would suggest you stay close to me, though, just in case."

Something that looked rather like a smirk touched Severus' lips briefly. "I doubt that will be a problem." He tucked in to his own food, feeling much better than he had at the beginning of the meal, his doubts having been assuaged. It didn't take long for him to finish his shepherd's pie, and he pushed his plate aside and leaned back in his chair. "I'm quite interested to see how they manage without magic. I cannot fathom it, myself, but I suppose they make do somehow. It seemed odd when I first began learning the world anew to see talking portraits and read about spells, but now it would seem odd to be without any of that."

"They have talking pictures; it's called 'television', although it's not interactive," Remus said. He finished up his sandwich, then wiped his lips with his napkin. "So, are you ready for the big adventure? I think it will be a very interesting afternoon." Standing, Remus pulled money from his pocket and put it on the table, and then he held out his hand to Severus. "Shall we?"

Clasping Remus' hand readily, Severus laced his fingers with Remus' and gave them a light squeeze, not giving a thought to propriety or what anyone might think. "Yes, I'm ready. Lead on - I am completely in your hands."

That, Remus thought, was exactly where he wanted Severus to be.

* * *

"You may have lost your memories, but you've still got everything else," Remus chuckled as they walked down the dungeon corridor toward Severus' room. "I thought that little boy who bowled into you at Picadilly was going to die of fright when you glared at him. Not that I blame you. He'd probably have run straight in front of a lorry if you hadn't been there to block the way."

The outing had been fun as well as interesting, and Remus hadn't had so much fun in a long time. It had been fascinating, showing Severus the sites of London, and it had brought back reminders of all the simple pleasures to be had in the Muggle world. He also found himself looking at things through fresh eyes, given that Severus had never seen any of them before, and it had been as much of a discovery for him as it had been for Severus.

"The little bugger should have been watching where he was going," Severus grumbled, but he wasn't truly grumpy despite the crowds and all the noise and jostling that accompanied them.

He was tired, but it had been a good day - the adventure Remus had said it would be. He had enjoyed learning more about Muggles, and the means they used to make up for their lack of magic was fascinating. He might have stood staring at the television screens in one shop window for hours had Remus not pulled him away. But he was ready for some peace and quiet now, and he was glad to be back in his own quarters, away from the bustle of the city.

"Will you stay for dinner?" he asked hopefully as he opened the door of his quarters and gestured to invite Remus inside.

"I'd love to," Remus said, entering Severus' room with a spring in his step, happy that Severus didn't want the day to end yet. He didn't either, and he didn't care if they ate bread and water for dinner; as long as he got to do it with Severus, it would be a feast.

He headed toward the chairs where they normally sat, noting that Severus had changed his back from its brief time as a loveseat. Which was unfortunate, and he looked over his shoulder at Severus with a wicked smile before pulling his wand. "You know, I think I liked it better when you redecorated. Say, like this?" With that, he cast a spell, and the chair once again was transformed into a love-seat large enough for two. Putting his wand away again, he moved to sit on one end, toeing off his shoes and relaxing with a little sigh. "Definitely better... but I think it could be better still."

"Far be it from me to argue with a guest," Severus drawled, pleased that Remus was willing to stay. He moved to join Remus on the love-seat quickly, pausing long enough to remove his own shoes before settling close to Remus and sliding one arm around Remus' shoulders. "There," he said, raising one eyebrow. "Is that better? Or is there a way I can make it even better? I do want to be a good host and see to your every comfort and need."

"It is better," Remus said slowly, his eyes glittering as he moved closer to Severus. "But I think there is room for improvement. How about this?"

Lifting one hand, he moved it to the buttons at Severus' throat, loosening them so that he could slide his hand along Severus' neck under his hair. Tilting his head back, he gave a slow, seductive smile and licked his lips. "If you see any further ways to enhance the experience, I'm more than willing to sample them. Eager, even."

"Oh, really." Severus' eyebrows climbed at that; he remembered Remus hadn't wanted to rush things the last time they had been in this position, but perhaps Remus had had enough time to process and decide he was ready to proceed, or perhaps Remus was simply comfortable enough with a bit of snogging. Either way, Severus intended to accept the unspoken invitation and trust Remus to tell him if things went farther than he was comfortable with. "I'm certain I can think of something. I have done research, after all."

Lifting his hand, he cupped Remus' cheek in his palm and leaned close, brushing his lips against Remus' lightly before returning for a deeper kiss, skimming his tongue along Remus' bottom lip, seeking entrance.

Remus parted his lips willingly, pleased that Severus was willing to take a chance after their conversation and take the lead rather than passively following Remus. He closed his eyes, savoring the taste of Severus, and gave a soft moan to let Severus know just how much he enjoyed their kisses. He stroked Severus' neck with his fingers and slid his other arm around Severus' waist. It was different being the shorter partner in an embrace, but Remus found he liked it. He felt desired and cherished, and it felt very good indeed.

The gentle stroking of his neck sent shivers of pleasure down Severus' spine, and he couldn't hold back moans of his own as he pressed closer and wrapped both arms around Remus, wanting to feel the solid warmth of Remus' body against his. He explored Remus' mouth at a leisurely pace, savoring the heat and sweetness, and he stroked Remus' back, letting his hands roam up and down the length of it as if trying to memorize Remus through touch alone.

Awash in sensation, Remus twined his tongue with Severus', the moans of pleasure Severus gave seeming to tighten a knot of need within him. He was hungry, but not for food; he was ravenous for the feel of Severus in his arms, for the taste and scent of him. It was even better than it had been the first time they had kissed, for none of his emotional turmoil was present this time. There was only happiness and pleasure and the knowledge that every moment they spent together made him happy, happier than he could recall anyone ever making him before.

Kiss flowed into kiss until Remus felt drunk on them. He wanted more, so much more, but his inner voice of caution still urged him not to press for too much too soon, lest they both regret it. But he couldn't stop, not now, not when his blood was burning within him and Severus was here, eager to fulfill him. So he moved the hand on Severus' neck downward, back to the buttons, and he freed several more, enough so that he could slip his hand inside to stroke the planes of Severus' chest, exploring the warm skin with wonder and desire combined.

All thoughts of dinner were gone from Severus' mind; he hungered only for Remus, and the willing responsiveness Remus offered was stoking rather than slaking his appetite. He sucked in a sharp breath at the feel of Remus' hand on his bare skin, the slightest touch awaking it and making it come alive, aching and ravenous for more.

Moaning, he broke away from the kiss and mouthed kisses along Remus' jaw and down his throat, his mind rapidly shutting down as the taste of Remus' skin saturated his tongue; beyond caring about doubts or reservations, he slipped his hands beneath the hem of Remus' shirt, a heartfelt groan escaping him as he splayed his hands on Remus' warm, bare skin at last.

Tilting his head back, Remus offered Severus better access to his neck. The wolf was there, rising up, and Severus' lips on the skin of his throat was a language the wolf understood very well. Remus gave a deep growl, the sound rumbling up from his chest as a desire he'd never experienced before fought its way up from the deep places inside that he'd kept hidden from everyone. It was dark and powerful, and Remus began to pant, fighting down a desperate urge to rip off Severus' clothes and claim him then and there. It was too soon for that, but he didn't want to stop either, not when Severus' hands on his body were igniting flames all along his skin wherever they touched.

His fingers fumbled with Severus' buttons again. He wanted more skin, more of the delectable scent of desire that seemed to radiate from Severus in waves. The fabric parted at last, and Remus growled again, raking his nails lightly over Severus' chest before his fingers moved to brush over one of Severus' nipples, teasing it into hardness.

Gasping, Severus arched, instinctively seeking more of that exquisite pleasure; he'd read about nipple play, but he'd never imagined how _good_ it would feel. Aroused and inflamed beyond rational thought, he felt no self-consciousness about his lack of finesse, letting instinct guide him instead, and he didn't bother holding back the litany of moans that rose to his lips as he nipped at Remus' throat with his teeth, no longer satisfied with kisses.

Sliding one hand around, he squeezed Remus' hip and then moved his hand up, brushing his fingertips against Remus' nipple, wanting to give Remus as much pleasure as Remus was giving him.

Remus' growl became as hoarse cry as Severus' fingers caressed him and he felt the dizzying sensation of Severus' teeth on his throat. His pulse was pounding in his ears, and he fell back on the loveseat, dragging Severus down over him, wanting to feel all of Severus' body against his. "Yes," he groaned, arching up against Severus, making needy little sounds that he barely recognized as coming from his own throat. He was burning all over, and he moved his hands downward to Severus' hips, pulling him even more firmly into the cradle of his thighs. He could feel Severus against him, his body hot and hard and utterly perfect, and Remus writhed as best he could, seeking friction, wanting to drive Severus to the same point of desperation he himself had reached.

Whatever tenuous grasp on rational thought Severus might have possessed was lost as soon as he found himself covering Remus, his hips fitted snugly between Remus' thighs while Remus writhed beneath him, and Severus let go of his rationality, giving himself over to pure sensation, drowning in it and yet wanting more. His breath came in shallow gasps as he rocked his hips, his body moving sinuously against Remus'; there were too many clothes between them, but he was beyond caring, seeking the relief he knew he could only find with Remus.

He gazed down at Remus' flushed face, panting, reveling in the sight even as he was amazed by it, marveling over having been the one to drive Remus to this point even as he was driven to the heights of arousal himself. "Remus..." His voice was ragged and hoarse, roughened by passion. "Need you... need you so much... love you..."

"Severus!" Remus felt on the brink of unbelievable pleasure, hovering on the precipice and poised to fall. It wasn't just physical, either, but emotional; the connection he felt to Severus, the rightness, the desire of both halves of his soul - all were leading him toward a completeness he'd never even dreamed of before. The wolf was there in the thick of it, too, hungering and desiring in a way that was far different from the way he felt at the approach of the moon. Severus' body against his was right and yet not nearly enough, and he responded wildly, wanting and needing even more.

Then Severus spoke those words, words Remus had never expected to hear, and they fulfilled him in a way he'd never imagined. Suddenly he was drowning in ecstasy, body and soul both unable to contain the joy that Severus was giving him. "Yes... love you," he cried out, clinging to Severus as the world spun, knowing that at long last, he had fallen completely, his heart coming to the home he thought he'd never find.

Severus echoed his cry, his own need brought to that elusive pinnacle as Remus answered and shattered beneath him, but the fulfillment was more than Severus could have imagined, heightened by those words - simple words, yet so powerful. Powerful enough to bring him to the edge and propel him over, powerful enough to leave him sated not just in body but in heart and soul as well.

He slumped atop Remus, panting for breath, and nestled close, burying his nose against Remus' throat and breathing in the warm, musky scent rising off his sweat-damp skin. His limbs felt heavy, and he wasn't certain he could have moved if his life depended on it, but he didn't want to move, not wanting to lose the closeness and connection he felt in this moment of utter bliss.

Remus floated in a warm cocoon of contentment, the press of Severus' sated body a satisfaction he'd never imagined. He stroked Severus' damp back beneath his shirt, enjoying the slide of slick skin and knowledge that he'd given Severus so much pleasure. His heartbeat calmed slowly, but Remus was in no hurry to change position, relishing the most perfect moment of completion he'd ever experienced.

"Love you," he murmured in Severus' ear, marvelling at the words and wanting to say them again. It was a revelation, but now, in retrospect, he could see that he'd been falling ever since the moment he'd looked up and first seen Severus on the street in Hogsmeade, staring at him in a way he now knew had been pure hunger. He'd been oblivious to his own feelings, but no longer; for the first time in his life, he was in love, and it made him feel as though he could fly.

"Mmm..." A slight smile curved Severus' lips as he nuzzled Remus' ear tenderly, and he mustered the energy to wriggle against Remus' hands to show his approval of the caresses. "Love you." His voice was deep and lazy with satiation, and he was surprised by how easily the words rolled off his tongue. But they felt natural and right, and he wanted to say them again and again. "Remus." He turned the name into a caress even as he lifted his head so he could brush a kiss against Remus' lips, combing his fingers through Remus' damp hair gently.

Remus returned the kiss, wallowing in Severus' loving attention. "I feel as though I've died again, but this time, I definitely went to heaven," he replied with a drowsy chuckle. "I don't know if I can ever move again."

"Then don't," Severus murmured, brushing light kisses along Remus' cheek and jaw. "Stay here forever. I don't mind."

Closing his eyes, Remus smiled. "I wish I could, but little things like the need for food and baths will no doubt interfere. But not for a little while yet, at least." He moved his head so that he could capture Severus' lips, kissing him tenderly. The world would intrude soon enough, but this time was theirs.

Severus returned the kiss with equal tenderness and settled down again, relaxing with a quiet sigh. "No, not yet. We will keep the world at bay for a little while longer." A wicked little smile tugged at his lips. "Although I can provide food, and I think a shared bath would be enjoyable."

"That would be a novel experience," Remus replied, enchanted by Severus' flirtatious smile. "You've definitely expanded my horizons, Mr. Snape. I would say that you've easily taught me as much as I've been able to teach you. This latest lesson, however, was definitely the best one so far."

"I agree," Severus replied, nuzzling him drowsily. "But I look forward to more lessons. Perhaps later, after we've had some time to rest and recover."

"You're a hard taskmaster - but I like it," Remus said softly, feeling his own limbs becoming heavy. He held Severus against him, the movements of his hand gradually slowing. "My Severus."

Warmth bloomed within Severus at that, and he relaxed in Remus' embrace, closing his eyes and surrendering to the comfort and safety it offered. "Yes," he murmured, already feeling sleep start to claim him. "Your Severus. Yours alone."

* * *

When Severus first arrived at Hogwarts, he had noticed the house-elves treated him with respect, but they also seemed wary of him, as if his old self had intimidated them as much as Minerva said he had intimidated his students. But as the days passed and he made requests rather than barking out orders and acknowledged their services with thanks, they seemed to thaw toward him. At some point, Minerva must have explained what had happened, because they began chatting with him, telling him such things as he had once liked asparagus but not cauliflower and he had always seemed fond of gingersnaps. They were also happy to talk about the school, and he learned a great deal about what happened behind the scenes and how things got done.

He found it a little problematic that the house-elves weren't paid for their labor, and their insistence that they wanted to serve troubled him, but Wiffle, the house-elf who was usually assigned to the dungeons and therefore answered Severus' summons most often, spoke in dark tones about a student named Granger who had tried to liberate the house-elves assigned to Gryffindor Tower. Severus filed the information away for future reference. Perhaps once the werewolves were sorted out, he would try to find this Granger person and see if there was anything to be done about the situation of the house-elves.

In the meantime, however, they seemed to grow fonder of him and even protective, popping up to warn him when he was about to stumble across one of the more dangerous areas of the castle, rather than letting him blunder into it, like the time he'd got caught on a trick step and was stuck for over an hour before one of them finally came along to help him out.

Thus it was surprising to see Dimpy scowling when she appeared in his workroom and approached him. "You has a visitor, Master Severus," she said flatly.

"Oh? Who is it?" he asked, putting a lid on his cauldron to let the potion simmer for a while. "Not Remus or Minerva, I suppose."

"No." Dimpy's lips thinned into a line of disapproval. "She says tell him Andromeda Tonks is here to see him. Dimpy can tell her you is not here," she added hopefully.

Tonks? Severus frowned, lost in thought for a moment. He knew that name... And then he remembered Remus had called his wife Tonks. Was this his mother-in-law, then? What the devil did she want with him? Curiosity spurred him to shake his head in refusal of Dimpy's offer.

"No, I will see her, but perhaps you had best take me to her rather than bringing her here," he said. He was curious, yes, but there was a little niggle in the back of his mind, warning him something might be off about this encounter, and he found he didn't want to invite her to his personal quarters.

Dimpy seemed less than pleased, but she led him to the main entrance hall where an older woman stood waiting. Her dark hair was streaked with grey, and her face was lined with grief as well as age; her features darkened when she saw Severus approach, and he could see dislike in her eyes when she looked at him.

"I'm Andromeda Tonks," she said without preamble and without offering her hand. "Remus Lupin was married to my daughter."

Severus stopped a short distance away from her and folded his arms across his chest. "I have heard of you from Remus," he said neutrally.

"No doubt." Her upper lip curled in a sneer. "This isn't a social call, Mr. Snape, so I will get straight to the point. I saw you with him at the Leaky Cauldron. I want to know if you are lovers."

"I fail to see how it is any concern of yours when we are both consenting adults," he replied, drawing himself up to his full height and peering down his nose at her.

"It becomes my concern when my grandson risks being exposed to a murderer," she snapped. "I read all about your memory loss in the newspaper, but it doesn't change the fact that you will be recorded in history as the murderer of Albus Dumbledore and a follower of You-Know-Who. You did terrible things in his name, and just because you don't remember any of it doesn't change what happened. It's bad enough that Teddy has a werewolf for a father who can barely support himself, much less a child! Must he endure _you_ as well? It's disgusting!" Her hands curled into fists at her sides as she glared at him. "My daughter has been dead barely three months! How dare he carry on with you in public as if she never existed!"

Severus' lips thinned into a hard line, and he fixed her with a cold stare. "Perhaps if he had loved her, he might have been inclined to mourn longer, but considering she herded him into a marriage he didn't want in the first place, I find I cannot muster much sympathy for your situation. Remus is not to blame for your daughter's death or the fact that he did not love her as she wanted him to. She made the choice to push for the relationship because she wanted it, and she made the choice to join in the battle, knowing the risks."

But Andromeda shook her head, seeming to grow more agitated. "I won't have it! He owes Nymphadora much more than he ever gave her in life or death, and I refuse to stand idly by while he cheapens her memory by slavering over you in public! If the two of you persist in this-" She curled her lip again, the very word seeming to be distasteful, "-relationship, I will see to it that not only does he lose custody of Teddy permanently, but that he loses all visitation rights as well. I will take Teddy away, and he will never see his son again, and you and I both know the Ministry is on _my_ side. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly." Severus ground out the word through clenched teeth. His mind was racing as he tried to think of some argument or loophole, but he couldn't. She was right: the Ministry would side with her, and Remus would lose his son permanently - because of Severus. She was forcing Remus to choose between his son and his lover, which wasn't a choice at all. Or rather, she was forcing Severus to make the choice, and he wondered if she had issued this threat to Remus yet or if she hoped to accomplish her goal with Severus first.

The damnable thing was, she had. Severus could not bear to be the reason Remus lost custody of his son, and he couldn't imagine Remus choosing him over Teddy to begin with. Teddy was Remus' son; Severus was a long-time enemy recently turned lover. Remus had said he loved Severus, but Severus doubted his feelings were strong enough to overcome the resentment and grief Remus would feel if he lost Teddy because of their relationship.

Either he told her to sod off and helped Remus to fight for custody when it wasn't clear the Ministry was going to make changes at all, much less quickly enough to help Remus gain custody of Teddy, thus risking Remus growing depressed and resentful toward him, or he capitulated and ended things with Remus on the chance that Remus might one day be granted full custody of Teddy so that the threat Andromeda posed was gone - and that Remus would still speak to him.

It was a lose-lose situation for everyone except Andromeda, and he hated her for it, even as his heart cracked and shattered in his chest.

He wanted to shout and rail at her; he wanted to hurl hexes at her; he wanted to tell her exactly what kind of hateful, bitter old bitch he thought she was, even as he was horrified by the sudden idea that his old self might have been very much like her, warped and twisted out of all reason by pain and grief. The thought did not give him any sympathy for her, however.

Instead, he gazed at her with undisguised loathing. "I will put an end to our relationship," he said at last. "I haven't even met the child, but even I have more compassion for him than to cut him off from his only living parent. You are getting what you want this time, but I suggest you think about whose best interests you truly have at heart: the child's or your own."

Without waiting for a response, he whirled and stalked away in a billow of black robes, retreating to the safety and security of his dungeon to decide the best way to tell the man he loved that their relationship was over.


	7. Chapter 7

Remus sang softly as he hammered the nail into the wooden picket, watching in satisfaction as he anchored it securely in place. The fence was his latest project, courtesy of none other than Aberforth Dumbledore. Albus' brother was an odd man, no doubt about it, but Remus liked him, and if he was willing to pay Remus to build a fence to hold a herd of goats, Remus would build the best fence possible. 

Not that his current occupation was what made him so happy, of course. _That_ was entirely due to Severus and the realization that he was in love. Oh, the sex had been wonderful, too, and the cuddling which had followed was something fulfilling all on its own. But it had been the connection he and Severus had shared, the merging of hearts and minds and souls that left him feeling like he could move mountains or fight the very demons of hell. Love was so much more than he had ever dreamed, and he wondered if he could call what he had been doing before _living_ , so cold and empty did it seem in comparison.

"Hey, Moony! What're you building?"

Remus turned at the sound of Sirius' voice, smiling widely. "Aberforth needs a place to keep his, um, companions," he replied, giving Sirius a droll wink.

"Companions? Out here?" Sirius looked confused for a moment, then when realization dawned, he laughed. "Right! I'd forgotten Albus' brother has odd tastes. Even odder than yours, it seems."

Remus waved the hammer at Sirius in a mock threat, but his eyes sparkled with laughter. "Don't go making fun of my tastes, now, or I won't admit that you were right."

Sirius went very still for a moment, his eyes widening to comic proportions. "Wait. Are you telling me that you and Snape...?"

"Yes." Remus sat back on his heels, unable to disguise the flush of pleasure the thought of Severus and him being together gave him. "I don't know that I am as gay as you think I am and Severus is the exception or if I really am gay and am only just now realizing it, but it doesn't matter, not anymore. I've finally found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, and that's all that matters."

Sirius' mouth dropped open. He started to speak, but obviously he was at a loss for words. Remus waited patiently, a small smile playing on his lips.

"You. Snape." Sirius gulped. "Moony! Shagging is one thing, and I'm all for it, even if it _is_ Snape. But... you're saying..."

"We love each other," Remus acknowledged, his grin so wide that he felt like it was going to split his face. "Oh, Sirius, it's even better than I could have imagined. To finally find someone I want, who wants me and is _right_ for me. We're right for each other. It's... amazing. The most amazing feeling in the world."

"Oh bloody hell!" Sirius seemed to quiver in the air. "Remus, that's sex talking! You can't be in love with him!" Sirius paused, looking at Remus' face, at the confidence and happiness he radiated. "Can you?"

"I can, and I am, and he loves me, too. He even said it first," Remus replied. "And it's not sex talking, trust me, although that's nice, too. We connected, Sirius. It was like all the time I've been searching without even knowing it, and then suddenly, there he was. Without all the baggage in the way, we share so much on so many levels. I can't describe it, really, or at least not in a way to do it justice. It just _is_ , and it's perfect, and I'm so happy I feel like I might burst."

"I can tell." Sirius' expression was sober. "Moony... are you certain about this? I don't want to rain on your parade, but being in love with him... that's a lot more serious. Have you considered Teddy in all this? You having an affair with Snape isn't something that really affects him, not at this point, but if you're thinking something longer term, it definitely will. Snape hates kids, remember? And I can't think what the Ministry will say about you taking up with a former Death Eater..."

"I've thought about that." Remus sobered slightly. "I don't care what the Ministry says. They set out a list of requirements I had to meet, and I'm going to meet them. They can't suddenly add a condition that I can't be with the person I love! Plus he's a hero now, and Harry even stood up for him, so I know that makes a big difference. And Severus may have had a problem with children before, but he's _different_ now. If he can love a man whom he hated for decades, he can like children, too. I don't doubt that he will adore Teddy from the moment he lays eyes on him."

"You may be sure of that, but I'm not," Sirius sighed. "I'm glad you're happy, Moony, because you deserve it more than anyone I know. But this is _big_. Just... be careful, all right? I don't want to see you hurt, not by him and not by the Ministry."

"I will," Remus promised, the smile returning to his lips. "I know you have doubts about this, but remember how Lily and James started out? She detested him, but they worked it out, didn't they? Besides, there isn't any rush. I love him, and nothing is going to change that. We can take it slow and careful until I have Teddy back. And with us being together at Hogwarts, there's no way for the Ministry to find out anyway, even if I thought it would make a difference. Oh, Sirius, I just can't believe how happy I am or how lucky."

Sirius was quiet for a long moment, and then finally he smiled. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Being dead has a way of doing that to you. I can't say that Snape is the one I would have picked for you for a long term relationship, but... well, you're right. He has changed and for the better. Just don't tell him I said that, all right? I don't know that he and I will ever be friends, but if he makes you happy, I can live with it. Or die with it, as the case may be. In this case, I'm not sure there is much of a difference."

"Gee, thanks, Padfoot!" Remus laughed and shook his head. "You have such a way with words!"

"I know." Sirius stuck his tongue out, then moved closer to Remus, placing a ghostly, unfelt hand on Remus' shoulder. "I really am happy if you're happy, you know."

"I know. Just don't go giving Severus the same talk you gave Lily, all right?"

"What, about how if he hurts my best friend, I'll kill him?" Sirius asked, lifting a brow and smirking. "I make no promises. Not that I could kill him, really, not anymore, but I could sure make him _wish_ he was dead."

"You do have a talent for that, don't you?" Remus teased. "One that is rather richly deserved sometimes, I think. But remember that it's my happiness at stake here, and you're my friend. You're supposed to help, not hurt my chances of keeping Severus!"

"Only one talent among many, Moony," Sirius replied, and then suddenly his expression turned devious, enough that Remus blinked in alarm. "Just you wait and see. Must be going, now. Later!"

Sirius disappeared, and Remus stared after him, wondering what Sirius was up to now and if he even really wanted to know.

* * *

Severus paced back and forth along the entrance hall of the school, his stomach churning and knotting until he felt as if he might have been ill - if he had been able to eat anything all day in the first place. He loathed what he was about to do, he loathed that he had to do it, and he loathed Andromeda Tonks for putting him and Remus in this position, forcing them into a choice that was not a choice at all. But there were no guarantees that the Ministry would ever come around on the issue of werewolf rights, and Severus, unlike Andromeda, had no intention of putting Remus in the untenable position of having to choose between Teddy and Severus. He would rather make the sacrifice himself, knowing at least Remus would find happiness with his son even if they couldn't be together.

But he still seethed with anger and resentment at Remus' mother-in-law over having to do it. For the first time, he could easily understand how he had become the man he once had been, and he understood what Remus meant about his ability to hold grudges. That woman could beg for forgiveness on her hands and knees, and Severus would still refuse to forgive or forget to his grave.

The worst part wasn't that he felt as if he were slowly bleeding to death, his broken heart already mourning the loss. No, the worst part was having to hurt Remus, who had already suffered enough pain and rejection for one lifetime. Severus knew he was doing it for Remus' own good, but that didn't make having to inflict pain on the man he loved any easier to bear. But he had killed a man to save the world in another lifetime, and if he had been strong enough to do that, he was strong enough to do this as well.

Drawing in a deep, steadying breath, he forced himself to stop pacing and smoothed his hands down the front of his robes, schooling his features into a scowl. They had made plans for another date before Andromeda Tonks' interference, and Remus would be along to collect him any minute now. Then it would be over, and life would go on somehow. Severus couldn't see beyond the gaping black chasm that was life without Remus ahead of him, but he clung to the faint hope offered in "somehow".

Remus walked quickly toward Hogwarts, wondering if the smile on his face was quite as sappy as it felt. He couldn't help it, though; he was going to see Severus, and the thought of that alone was enough to make him almost dance as he moved along the path.

The school came into sight, and Remus paused for just a moment to run fingers through his hair and make sure that there were no stray threads on his robes. He wanted to look his best for their date, so that Severus would be as proud to be seen with him as he was to be seen with Severus. He also had something else: a bottle of fine old Scotch that Aberforth had given him as a bonus for completing the goat pen. He thought he'd share it with Severus after, and maybe they could do a little more exploration into the delights of gay sex.

When he arrived at the massive doors, he lifted the knocker, rapping out a jaunty rhythm, then waiting for one of the house-elves to answer.

Severus jumped when he heard the knocking, and for one wild moment, he thought about flinging caution to the wind and trying to thwart Andromeda Tonks somehow, but he knew there were too many obstacles and too few certainties when it came to the Ministry. Just because Kingsley was sympathetic didn't mean the man would be able to accomplish anything.

Bracing himself, he strode to the door and flung it open, and he folded his arms across his chest, gazing down at Remus coldly. "What do you want?"

Remus blinked in surprise when Severus himself opened the door, and then his smile faltered for a moment when Severus glared at him with an expression of such utter disdain that it almost seemed like the old Severus had come back. Then he chuckled. "You scared me there for a moment, love," he said, smiling as he reached up to place a finger against Severus' lips. "A good joke. Where do you want to go to dinner? And I have a surprise for after!"

Forcing himself to recoil as if the touch repelled him, Severus backed away. "It is not a joke, wolf," he replied, mustering a disdainful tone. It was difficult - so very difficult - to look at Remus' beloved face and speak to him in such a way; he imagined he was talking to Andromeda Tonks, however, and that made it easier, letting his utter loathing for her infuse his words. "I have no intention of going anywhere with you."

Severus flinched, and Remus' mouth fell open in shock. But it was even worse when Severus spoke, his voice so full of hatred that it felt like Remus was being showered with ice. His heart pounded, and his throat tightened as he tried to tell himself Severus was joking, that there was some mistake. 

"Severus, what's wrong?" Remus asked, trying to keep the pleading note out of his voice and failing. "Did I do something wrong? Whatever it is, I'm sorry! Please, let me make it up to you!"

If Severus could have dropped dead in that moment, he would gladly have done it to spare Remus this pain, and it took every bit of will power he possessed to resist the urge to gather Remus in his arms and say it was just a silly joke after all.

"The only thing wrong here is the fact I lost my wits enough to fancy myself in love with you, much less deign to touch you," he replied icily. "Fortunately for me, the Ministry were as incompetent in breeding new Dementors as they are in everything else. My memories have been returning in slow trickles, but I remember enough to know why I hate you. For that, I am grateful, because it has brought me to my senses and kept me from making a colossal mistake."

It felt as though Severus had reached out and slapped him; in fact, Remus would have preferred that to what Severus was saying. He'd rather have had Severus use the Killing Curse on him than look at him with such loathing and to speak such hateful words. This was worse than death had been, worse than anything. It burned like a silver dagger thrust through his heart.

"Severus.... no." Remus reached out a hand, palm up in appeal. He couldn't just let this go. They had been _happy_ , and even if Severus' memories were returning, there _had_ to be a way! "Please, don't do this to me. To _us_. Isn't what we've shared the last few weeks more real than all those years of bitterness and hatred? You've made me so happy, and I want to make you happy. Please! This just... it _can't_ be over! Don't you think it's worth trying?"

"Happy with _you_?" Severus forced himself to sneer, his tone dripping with scorn. "Impossible! I have no interest in even trying. You are a worthless waste of breath and life, and I want nothing to do with you. I only wish I had snapped out of the madness sooner before I allowed you to paw me like the beast you are. Go away, Lupin, and leave me alone. I do not want to see you again."

"But..." Remus felt as though he were dying inside, as though every bit of joy and everything that had made life worth living had suddenly been stripped away and flung into a bottomless pit. He faced Severus with eyes full of pain in a face so pale it appeared bloodless, all signs of animation gone, leaving him looking almost like a corpse. Inside he was in turmoil, a churning mass of agony so profound he wished that the earth would open up and swallow him just to make it stop. He wanted to beg, to plead, to do anything if only Severus would say he didn't mean it, that there was hope, some hope that they could put this behind them and move on together. There words were there, trembling on his lips, but then a sudden image rose in his mind. Tonks, begging with him, pleading, offering anything - her heart, her soul - if only Remus could love her. But he couldn't, and he now thought he might understand how she'd felt.

"That's what you want, what you really want?" he asked softly, already knowing the answer but needing to hear it, no matter how much it hurt. "I would never try to control you or manipulate you the way that I was manipulated. I love you, and that means I want you to be happy. Even if it's without me. Say the word, and I will never come near you again."

 _Stay!_ The word was on Severus' lips, and his heart ached to shout it, but instead, he forced himself to step back, his expression closed and cold. "That is what I want. Go and never come near me again."

"All right." It didn't matter any longer; nothing mattered from this moment on in Remus' life. He drew himself up straight, not knowing where he found the strength when he just wanted to sink to the ground in a pile of misery and never rise again. Instead he nodded. "I'll always love you, Severus. No matter what you feel for me."

With that, he turned and headed away from Severus, away from Hogwarts, away from everything that had given him hope and joy in the last few weeks. He didn't know what awaited him now. At this point, he didn't care, and he felt as though he would never care about anything, ever again.

Severus couldn't stand there and watch Remus walk away; he slammed the door shut and leaned against, and he slid slowly down to the floor, crumpling under the weight of misery. He buried his head in his arms, empty and cold, all the hope that had buoyed him since his release from prison drained away; his eyes remained dry, but he sat there, unmoving, unable to make himself get up until Wiffle arrived - minutes or hours later, he wasn't certain - and helped him up. The frozen stiffness of his limbs worked itself out, but he doubted his heart would ever thaw again.

* * *

"Hey, Moony, guess what? I talked to Harry and... Merlin! What in the hell happened to you?"

Remus shrugged, not even bothering to glance up from the sock he was mending. He didn't even feel surprise that Sirius, who hadn't been around for a couple of weeks, had suddenly shown up again out of the blue. He didn't feel much of anything these days, and that was probably a good thing. At least he could function when he felt nothing and could go through the motions of living even if he didn't feel alive. It was better than letting out the pain he knew was lurking just below the surface, ready to overwhelm him. He'd buried it deep, under layers and layers of ice, deeper than he buried even the wolf or the memory of Lily and James' deaths. Buried it so deep that it seemed to have taken everything else with it.

He'd lost weight, too, but he couldn't eat. He wasn't sleeping, either, alternating between pacing the floor of his tiny room and tossing restlessly in his bed. Sirius' absence had seemed to be just another thing to be endured, another failure to chalk up on the list of failures that was his life. Even seeing Teddy didn't bring him the happiness it had, although he went through the motions for the sake of his son. Perhaps in time, it would get better, and he'd be able to do more than just try to get through the day, then try to get through the night.

Although he thought he must be putting on a good enough front, since Andromeda hadn't said a word the few times he'd seen her when picking up Teddy or dropping him off on Saturdays. Not that she'd had much to say to him before, but he'd half expected her to refuse to let him take Teddy when he knew there were lines of strain beside his mouth and his cheeks were sunken with fatigue and pain. But she hadn't, and he just took it as one more sign that no one cared about him, not really. Perhaps he just didn't deserve to be happy. Why else would happiness have been dangled in front of him like a sparkling jewel, only to be snatched away again?

Now Sirius was here, and Remus sensed his presence as Sirius moved to hover in front of his chair. "For Merlin's sake, Remus, what's wrong? You were so happy the last time I saw you!"

"I don't want to talk about it," Remus replied, refusing to look up. He didn't want Sirius to see the pain in his eyes.

"Are you angry because I haven't been around?" Sirius sounded contrite. "I'm sorry about that. I wasn't ignoring you, I swear. Time gets away from me sometimes. But I was off trying to figure out a way to help you, I promise! And I figured it out! Come on, Moony... please forgive me? You'll be happy when I tell you!"

Remus knew that no matter what Sirius could have done, nothing but time might possibly help. But if Sirius hadn't forsaken him and was trying to help, Remus owed him the courtesy of listening, as much as he owed Teddy time and attention. Raising his head - but not meeting Sirius' eyes - Remus nodded. "All right, Padfoot, what is it?"

"Geez, I must have really ticked you off," Sirius replied, obviously mistaking Remus' withdrawal for anger with him. "Really, I'm sorry! But I talked to Harry, and I did a little poking about, and guess what? I think I can solve your financial worries! The Black money all ended up in a trust because there were no direct heirs, although I have no doubt Narcissa will try to get it as soon as she has time to think about it. But I can make a will _after_ the fact! They'll let me do something called an 'Unliving Will' and name you as my designated heir. You won't get it all, of course - a lot of the money is entailed in weird family trusts and such - but there is some left of what my uncle left me and the things in Grimmauld Place which aren't family heirlooms, plus other bits and bobs that Harry's promised to sort out for me. So, what do you think?"

Sirius sounded so pleased that Remus felt his armor slip enough to actually feel sad for him. He couldn't take Sirius' money, even if he knew his friend was doing it out of the goodness of his heart and a sincere desire to help. It wouldn't change the fact that he was a failure, as a friend, as a lover, and especially as a father. Yet how could he hurt Sirius by refusing?

Before he could even think of a reply - and Sirius was no doubt taking his silence for stunned surprise and gratitude - there was a scrabbling at the window. Remus rose automatically, crossing toward it without even thinking or caring who could be sending him a message. It was never good news, and it wouldn't be from Severus, so it didn't really matter. But at least doing it gave him a way to avoid answering Sirius for a little while longer.

The owl that fluttered into the room when Remus opened the window was a large, impressive bird, and it held a thick envelope in its beak, which he dropped into Remus' hand with the air of one conferring a huge favor. Remus frowned as he noticed the Ministry seal on the outside, enough fear remaining to him to wonder if the Ministry had finally done it, if Andromeda had kept silent about his obvious deterioration because she was going behind his back and having Teddy taken away. If that was the case, if that had happened, Remus really would have nothing left to live for.

"What's that?" Sirius asked, coming to look over Remus' shoulder at the envelope. "Hey! Open it up, Moony! Maybe it's about the inheritance! Wow, Harry sure works fast. But then I suppose saving the world gives you a certain amount of clout..."

Sirius continued on, but Remus wasn't listening. His fingers trembled as he fumbled with the flap, and he pulled out the sheaf of papers with a sense of dread. He blinked, focusing on the words, reading them numbly.

_Ministry of Magic  
Department of Child Protection  
London, England_

_Dear Mr. Lupin -_

_At the behest of Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt and under the auspices of the newly passed Werewolf Rights Act, we have reviewed the conditions which have been placed upon your gaining custody of your son, Theodore Remus Lupin. As the conditions are not ones which would have been placed on a normal wizard in your circumstances, they are hereby lifted and full custody is granted to you as Theodore Remus Lupin's sole surviving parent._

_The enclosed documents site the relevant sections of the law pertaining to your case, and also contain a copy of the amended Order of Custody. Andromeda Black Tonks, as former Guardian Pro Tem, has also been issued a copy of these documents. Arrangements have been made for you to take formal custody at ten o'clock in the morning tomorrow, and Andromeda Black Tonks is instructed to turn over to you your son and all the items for his care which were removed from your former residence._

_Should you have any questions, please contact our office._

_Yours,  
Thistlewhite Finstermeier  
Associate Minister for Child Protection  
_

The words made no sense, and Remus had to read them a second time, and then a third. By this time Sirius had gotten impatient and started reading over his shoulder, and a whoop of delight finally startled him out of his daze.

"That's it, Moony! You won! You get Teddy!" Sirius shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "Wow, this is even better than what I did, but now you can have Teddy _and_ a home! Isn't that fantastic?"

Sirius went to thump him on the back, but of course, his ghostly hand passed right through Remus, making him shiver with a sudden chill. So this was it... he had Teddy, and he supposed he should take Sirius' money now, since it would mean that he could actually afford to feed his son. He finally had everything he'd been fight for during the last few months... so why did he feel absolutely nothing?

"Say something!" Sirius was laughing, obviously overjoyed for Remus' good fortune. "You don't believe it, huh?"

Remus couldn't say anything. He had everything, and it meant _nothing_. Without love, without Severus, the victory was bitter, salt rubbed in the wounds of his shattered heart. He'd held it all in since walking away from Hogwarts; all the pain, all the grief, all the self-loathing that he'd shut away where he didn't have to see it. But this... it was the final straw, bringing home to him that nothing in his life would ever feel right again.

Piece by piece the sheath of ice which had allowed him to function cracked and fell away, exposing the raw nerves of his personal agony. He trembled, feeling himself falling apart, slowly shattering into fragments of misery. A sob escaped him, and he tried to hold back another, but it was no use. Everything he'd held in burst out all at once, and he let out a cry of torment as he fell to his knees on the floor, shaking, tears leaking out from behind the hands he held over his eyes.

There was silence from Sirius, although Remus wasn't really aware of it or even aware of how much time might have passed before he heard a voice near his ear, soft and gentle. "It's alright, Remus. Let it out. I know you've been under a lot of stress, but it's done. You'll have Teddy and a home and everything else you should have had, everything you deserve."

Sirius' words were a bitter irony, and Remus dropped his hands, turning his head to look at Sirius as throbbing anger and self-loathing added itself to the despair which threatened to tear him apart. "Is that what you think? I don't have _anything_ , I'm not worth anything, and I'll fuck up being a father as badly as I've done everything else. I failed... God, Sirius, can't you see that? I don't deserve anything, and none of it matters... Teddy is better off without me!"

"What?" Sirius was staring at him, but Remus looked away again.

"Go away, Padfoot," he said dully. "Andromeda can keep Teddy, and you keep the money... or give it to her to take care of him. I should have died in the war. Everyone would be better off, and it wouldn't _hurt_..."

"What hurts?" Sirius sounded bewildered. "Remus, if this is about Tonks..."

"No, it's not about Tonks." Staring down at his hands, Remus wondered if he could actually summon up the courage to end it all. "I failed her, too, but... well, that I don't own the whole blame in. No... it's about Severus. He got his memories back, and he _hates_ me. Now I think I understand how Tonks must have felt, loving someone who didn't give a damn. Only this is far worse, because he loathes me..."

"Snape? He got his memories back? And he... he did this to you?" Sirius' voice held such outrage that Remus actually looked up at him in dull surprise. "That bastard! I warned him. It's not right that he could do this to you! You _do_ deserve to be happy, and that greasy haired son of a whore isn't going to spoil it!" He nodded grimly, as if to himself. "Don't worry, Moony. I'll take care of old Snivellus. He's ruined your life just one fucking time too many!"

With that, Sirius disappeared, leaving Remus alone with his pain; no matter what Sirius said or did, it wouldn't matter. Nothing could ever make Severus love him, and so nothing would matter, not ever again.

* * *

Severus had given up trying to study for the day and sought to ease his troubled heart with a different kind of diversion. He had immersed himself in books and brewing over the past couple of weeks, which had helped improve his magical skills, but it had done nothing to help him miss Remus any less. Every day, he longed to write to Remus or better yet, go and see him and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to confess his lie and try to make things right again between them, but he knew it was best if he continued to stay away. Remus' son came first, and Severus refused to jeopardize Remus' chances of winning that battle.

But it wasn't easy when memories of Remus smiling at him and looking at him with love in his eyes rose up unbidden, when he couldn't sleep for wishing Remus' arms were around him. He was wracked with guilt over the pain he had caused Remus, hating the thought of having added to Remus' burdens; that it was for Remus' own good was cold comfort, especially in the long, empty hours of the night.

Studying helped for a time, but he felt restless and irritable, and he was developing a headache, thus he put his books aside and left the dungeon, aimlessly wandering the corridors of the castle and letting his feet dictate his path. He didn't have a destination in mind, and he didn't care where he ended up; he just wanted a distraction.

What he didn't expect was for that distraction to come in the form of a furious ghost bearing down on him with all the force of its spectral wrath.

"Snape! You bastard!" Sirius floated in front of him, his features contorted with fury. "I knew you were lying about your memories! Was this what you had planned all along? To string Remus along and break his heart?"

Severus drew himself up proudly and forced his expression into a scowl. "It's none of your business," he snapped. "I don't owe you or anyone else an explanation."

"The hell you don't!" Sirius balled his translucent hands into fists. "That's my friend's heart you've broken, and if I don't get answers, I'll haunt you for the rest of your miserable, pathetic life!"

"If his heart is broken, then he was a fool for trusting me in the first place!" It shredded Severus' own heart to speak the words, but if Sirius could carry back tales of his callousness, it would help widened the distance between himself and Remus and give him less of a chance to give in to temptation.

"You won't hear any argument from me about that!" Sirius circled Severus, scowling fiercely. "I warned him, but he didn't listen, but I don't blame him. I blame you! You did this to him - shattered his spirit and taken away his will to live. He's convinced his life has no meaning, and it's your fault! You're scum, and I have no idea how you can live with yourself. It wasn't enough that you served Voldemort and killed Dumbledore. You had to ruin Remus' life, too!"

Severus felt his temper simmering and rising, reaching a boiling point; he knew he needed to convince Sirius that he was indeed the scum Sirius thought he was, but he had been weighed down by his own remorse and pain, his own life empty and meaningless, and the words burst from his lips before he could censor them.

"Andromeda Tonks would have ruined it if I hadn't!"

Furious with himself, he clamped his lips together and turned away, but Sirius darted around to float in front of him.

"What?" Sirius peered at him closely, his anger seeming tempered by confusion. "What does Andromeda have to do with this?"

"Nothing!" Severus shook his head furiously. "Forget I said anything."

"The hell I will! Did Andromeda contact you?"

Severus folded his arms and turned away again, but Sirius refused to be put off.

"She did!" Sirius exclaimed.

"No! And don't you dare tell Remus she did!" Severus whirled to face Sirius again, his face flushed with anger.

"You're a piss-poor liar these days, Snape." Sirius shook his head, his expression turning almost sympathetic. "I don't know what's going on here, but I'm dead, not stupid. I spent enough time around manipulative people to spot a cover-up when I see it, and I'm going to get answers one way or another!"

"Not from me, you won't!" Severus glared fiercely at him. "Get out, and don't come back or I'll call Peeves!"

Sirius' only response to that was a rude gesture, and then he disappeared, leaving Severus alone again. Severus scrubbed his face with trembling hands, hoping he hadn't just made a mistake that would cost Remus in the end; he hated having to hope Sirius would be unable to convince Remus to believe him, but right now, it was the most fervent thought in his mind.

* * *

Remus wasn't certain how long Sirius was gone. He'd drifted into a haze of grief, unaware of his surroundings and not caring, either. He _wanted_ to care... he _should_ care about this, about his life and his son, but there was too much pain for him to be able to see anything else. It wasn't the first time in his life Remus had felt loss, had felt worthless and unable to cope with anything else in his life. But this was by far the worst, and Remus didn't know how to find his way back from the brink of the black chasm that stood poised to swallow him.

"Moony."

Sirius' voice was gentle, and Remus lifted his gaze to his friend, feeling nothing, not even curiosity.

"Moony, there's something going on. You know how I feel about Snape. I don't trust him, but he let something slip in anger, and you know that's not like him. The old him. I accused him of ruining your life, and he shot back that if he hadn't, Andromeda would have - and then he clammed up and said I wasn't to tell you. He didn't say he hated you; he seemed far more concerned that I not tell you that Andromeda somehow has her hands in this."

The words got through to Remus, and he blinked, then frowned. He didn't dare to hope, but if Andromeda had been interfering in his life, if somehow she had gotten to Severus and told him something to put him off Remus or threatened him, then he had to know. He might not be any less of a failure, but Teddy deserved more than what he was now, awash in misery and self-loathing.

"Do you think she did something?" he asked, wanting to make certain he wasn't just grasping at straws. "I know she doesn't like me, but..."

"She's a Black," Sirius said flatly. "Merlin knows I always thought she was the best of a bad lot, but that doesn't make her perfect - and it certainly doesn't make her above manipulating things to get what she wants. You saw it, too. Tonks manipulated you and brought people in to pressure you to marry her, so why wouldn't Andromeda do something to keep you and Severus apart?" He paused, then looked sheepish. "I've even been known to push things to get my way. It's in our blood, Remus."

Remus bit his lip, wondering if he was a fool for even wanting to believe that everything Severus said had been a lie, especially since he had been so bloody _convincing_ about it! Was it too much of a risk? 

"But how would she even have known about Severus and me?" he blurted, summoning his last argument against believing that there was more to the situation. "I didn't tell her, and I can't believe Severus would have. Why would she have said anything to him at all?"

"I'm the last person who wants to see you more hurt than you already are," Sirius said softly. "But you know there's only one way to find out."


	8. Chapter 8

The house-elf who admitted Remus to Hogwarts looked surprised to see him at first, but then her expression became something he thought was rather pleased. He didn't take time to consider what that might mean; he was too intent on seeing Severus and getting the truth out of him about what had happened between him and Andromeda. He didn't dare let himself hope it might mean Severus hadn't really meant the horrible things he'd said, but it was worth the risk of being torn apart again in order to learn the truth.  
  
"Master Severus is in his workroom," the house-elf said, pointing toward the dungeon.  
  
"Thanks, I know the way," Remus replied, nodding to her before hurrying down the corridor toward the stairs. He felt a strength and determination he hadn't known for a long time, and he told himself firmly that he wasn't leaving until he had gotten the truth.  
  
It only took a few moments for him to make his way into the dungeon, and he strode down the hallway toward the lighted doorway near the end. He didn't waste any time knocking or attempting to ask for permission; he merely stepped into Severus' workroom, his eyes immediately drawn to the sight of Severus over a cauldron, his face pale and looking drawn and tired. It was still a beautiful sight to Remus, though, and he had to hold back a small sound of loss before it escaped his lips. Instead, he drew on the strength of the wolf, on its anger and pain, and he straightened his spine, staring at Severus with an expression that would brook no argument.  
  
"Sirius told me that you and my mother-in-law had a conversation," he said without preamble. "I want to know exactly what she said to you."  
  
The unexpected interruption startled Severus, and he flinched, almost dropping his ladle; he snapped his head up to stare at Remus, his jaw falling open before he shut it abruptly, and his mind raced as he tried to figure out what to do.  
  
What he wanted was to rush over and gather Remus in his arms; the weeks of separation had done nothing to diminish Severus' feelings, and seeing Remus standing there was making them surge anew. It didn't help that Remus looked pale and haggard, dark circles under his eyes like bruises, and the sight made Severus want to comfort him - to do and say whatever it took to erase the pain from Remus' eyes.  
  
Then Remus' words sank in, and Severus silently cursed Sirius for being such a damned blabbermouth. He wasn't surprised, but he had held out slim hope that Sirius wouldn't divulge the details of their conversation to Remus; now he knew it had been a slim and fruitless hope. He could lie and keep up the facade of hatred, but he was too emotionally drained to muster the necessary anger and disdain. He was tired and hurting, and he didn't have it in him to inflict fresh wounds on Remus.  
  
Perhaps, he thought, if he told the truth, Remus would understand why it was necessary for them to remain apart, and then at least he would have the comfort of knowing Remus didn't hate him for what he had done and said.  
  
He placed a lid on his cauldron and turned off the heat beneath it, and then he turned to face Remus. "She threatened to make certain you lost custody of your son permanently if we continued our relationship," he said wearily. "She saw us that day in the pub. She was angry that you were becoming involved with someone else so soon after your wife's death, and she said she would take Teddy away and you would never see him again. Given there was no guarantee the Ministry would ever grant you custody, I thought it best if I ended things between us, and I knew after what had already happened, you would be suspicious if I simply said I wanted some time and distance." He shrugged and smiled mirthlessly. "So I lied and said I remembered hating you."  
  
Remus was still and silent, contemplating what Severus told him. He'd had a vague, hopeful suspicion it had been something of the sort from what Sirius had told him, but it was a relief to hear it from Severus' own lips. "So you believed she might really do it, and rather than coming to me and telling me that she was trying to ruin my life, you thought you'd be noble and take the choice out of my hands entirely? After all that I had told you about being manipulated and pushed in whatever direction someone else thought best for me, despite whatever I might really want?" His voice was even, almost conversational.  
  
Severus flushed pink at that, but he lifted his chin proudly. "She made it clear she would force you to make a choice between me and your son, and I had no illusions that you would choose your son over me - and rightfully so. It might not have been an easy choice, and it certainly wasn't fair, but I know what the result would have been. How could I possibly think you would have chosen to risk gaining custody of your son for me?" He shook his head, a flash of pain in his eyes. "She was trying to manipulate both of us. I simply thought it would be easier if I took myself out of the equation."  
  
The pain in Severus' eyes didn't go unnoticed, but Remus wasn't ready to let it go, not yet. He understood Severus' reasoning, at least to an extent, but he needed to make a point, one that Severus wouldn't forget.  
  
Lowering his arms to his sides, he began to stalk toward Severus with a rolling gait that was nothing but predatory. His eyes had darkened to the color of a stormy sea, and his voice took on a growling undertone as the wolf rose up. "How could you possibly think that I would abandon you in favor of anyone?" he asked, making his way around Severus' work table. "How could you think that there are only two choices possible? Didn't it occur to you that between us, we could have thought of something else? You don't seem to think like a Slytherin anymore, Severus. I may have been pushed around and manipulated before, but I've realized that it was only because I didn't have anything worth fighting _for_."  
  
He moved forward until Severus' back was against the wall. "You swore that you were mine, Severus. All mine. As I am yours. No one can take that away from us, except us," he said, lifting his hands to place them on Severus' shoulders. "So... are you still mine? Or do you really have second thoughts and want me to go away? Forget Andromeda, forget Teddy. This is not about them; it's about you and me. Make your choice, Severus, but make it because it is _yours_ , not based on what anyone else in the world has said."  
  
Severus gasped when his back hit the wall, transfixed by the predatory light in Remus' eyes. He could hear the growl underlying Remus' voice, and it made him shiver, calling to a deep, dark part of himself that wanted nothing more than to answer. He tried to swallow, but his throat was dry and tight, and his eyes had grown wide and round with alarm.  
  
"I..." He shook his head, not knowing how to answer. He knew what his choice would be if there were no considerations beyond Remus and himself, but there were, and he couldn't forget that no matter how much Remus exhorted him to do so. "I haven't had second thoughts," he whispered, not trusting his voice at normal levels. "But I cannot let her use me to hurt you or to cost you so dearly. I cannot forget all the outside considerations. There are too many."  
  
"And yet that's what I'm asking you to do," Remus replied huskily. He leaned forward, placing his lips just below Severus' ear, breathing in deeply of Severus' spicy, beloved scent. He'd missed it, missed everything about Severus, had felt as though he had been torn in two and left bleeding - but it had to be Severus' choice this time. "You sent me away for what you thought was my own good. So tell me now... yes, or no? Do you want me, Severus? Andromeda be damned, the Ministry, too. Just tell me if you want me to go. Or do I stay? Do you promise to be mine again for always - and bloody well mean it this time?"  
  
Severus knew he ought to send Remus away; this was the moment when he needed to be strong and do the right thing rather than giving in to his own selfish desires. He could do it; he knew he could, but it was so bloody difficult when he could feel Remus' lips caressing his skin and the warmth of Remus' body against his. His blood was singing in his veins, and his heart longed to be reunited with its other half, his honor dissolving in the flood of love and desire engulfing him. Once upon a time, he had been ruthless enough to kill for the greater good, but that man was dead, and the fate of the world was not at stake this time.  
  
"I don't want you to go," he whispered, hating his own weakness in giving in, but he couldn't fight the needs of both his heart and his body when they were overruling the dictates of his mind.  
  
"And I want to stay," Remus said softly, pulling back just enough so that he could look into Severus' eyes again. "I love you, Severus - and that's worth fighting for. We won't let anyone take that away from us, no matter what." With that, he moved forward again, pressing Severus hard against the wall and capturing his lips in a deep, hungry kiss. There was nothing gentle or exploratory about it this time; the wolf was staking a claim, showing Severus that it belonged to him every bit as much as Remus' human heart did. Remus slid his hands around Severus' shoulders, holding him tightly, knowing that he could never let Severus go, not ever again.  
  
A soft, startled noise escaped Severus at the rough possessiveness of the kiss, but he parted his lips and yielded to it, his hands flying up to clutch Remus' shoulders. He had admitted the truth despite the urging of both honor and logic, and there was no point in resisting now; he would have to reconcile himself to his decision later, but he couldn't think about it while Remus was plundering his mouth as if it was a feast.  
  
Severus' response was everything Remus could have wanted, everything he had dreamed about during those long, lonely nights when he'd woken up crying out Severus' name in loss and grief. Severus _did_ want him, and it was as much a balm to his soul as a fuel for his desire. The one experience they'd shared had been beautiful, and it made him hunger for more, to know Severus fully and completely, to claim or be claimed in body as he had been in heart.  
  
Pulling back from the kiss with a gasp, Remus smiled up at Severus with pure hunger. "I want you... in any way you'll have me. Right now."  
  
With that, he stepped back and grabbed Severus' hand and pulled him toward the door, intent on carrying out his words just as soon as they could make it to Severus' bedroom.  
  
Severus let himself be led out of his workroom and toward his quarters, and when they reached his quarters, he unlocked the door to let them both in; once they were inside, he closed the door behind them, and then he stopped and waited, his stomach churning with uncertainty.  
  
Remus knew where Severus' bedroom was, but when he looked at Severus, he saw the hesitation, so he didn't immediately head toward it. "Trust me," he said, his tone soothing and reassuring. He smiled, an expression full of hunger and love and with an edge of amusement, too. "Or maybe I should trust you. You've read books about this, after all, and I haven't. I suppose we'll just have to learn from experience."  
  
He moved closer to Severus again, and then with a wicked chuckle, he scooped Severus up in his arms and carried him off toward the bedroom.  
  
Severus gasped softly at the unexpected move, but he didn't protest; he wound his arms around Remus' neck and let himself be carried. He knew Remus was probably expecting a response, but he wasn't certain what to say, especially since it wasn't his own inexperience bothering him; it was his conscience. Thus he remained silent, waiting to see what would happen once they reached the bedroom.  
  
Crossing to the bed, Remus placed Severus down on the mattress, taking a moment to admire the sight of Severus' flushed face and long hair in wild disarray against the pillow before turning his attention to removing Severus' shoes and socks. Severus looked incredibly tempting, and yet there was a shadow in his eyes, and he hadn't spoken since they left the workroom. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Remus reached out to stroke Severus' cheek. Given that Severus had seemed eager the last time they had been together, he somehow didn't think it was inexperience - or not _all_ inexperience - making Severus hesitant. Which meant it was probably still doubts about Andromeda's threat and Remus' chances of getting his son. Fortunately, Remus could set Severus' mind at ease on that front.  
  
"You're still worried about Andromeda's threat, aren't you?" he asked softly, and his suspicions were confirmed by Severus' mute nod. "Well, just so you know, it's no longer an issue, and she can't keep me from my son. I received an official letter from the Ministry this morning, granting me full custody, with visitation by Andromeda at _my_ discretion. You did it, Severus. All your work to change things for the better has paid off. Teddy's mine; I will pick him up tomorrow, and after that, no one can ever take him from me again."  
  
"What?" Severus sat up and gaped at him, astonished. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
Remus flushed a bit, but he tilted his chin up. "I wanted to make sure you really wanted to be with me, even if it might not be easy," he replied quietly. "After what I went through - what we _both_ went through - I had to know if you thought I was worth it, no matter what the cost. It was the only way I could be sure you were choosing me because it's what you really and truly wanted."  
  
"Merlin..." Severus bent double, his face buried in his hands; he was weak with relief, momentarily overwhelmed. He had still made a selfish decision, but at least he knew there would be no terrible consequences, and he couldn't possibly be the cause of Remus losing his son. He drew in a few deep breaths to steady himself, and when he sat up again at last, he shot Remus an annoyed glare. "I suppose I deserved that, but I wish you had put me out of my misery sooner."  
  
"I'm sorry," Remus said contritely, feeling a twinge of guilt now that he saw how much Severus was affected by it. He took one of Severus' hands in both of his, sighing softly. "I suppose I was just worried that perhaps you didn't really want me, and Andromeda's ultimatum might have given you a way out. You were very convincing, you know. When I left here the last time, I was utterly convinced that you hated me with every bone in your body. I just... I love you so much. I needed to know that you weren't just saying what I wanted to hear because Teddy was no longer an issue. That you were sure of what _you_ wanted."  
  
"I was prepared to sacrifice my own sense of honor and integrity for you just now. That should be enough of a clue," Severus replied, clinging to Remus' hand tightly and drawing reassurance from the contact. "I _do_ want you, but convincing you otherwise was the entire point. It was far more difficult than I imagined it could be, and it..." He glanced down, his voice soft and deep with emotion. "It broke my heart to send you away, but I thought it was for the best. I never thought the Ministry would make a decision - much less a favorable one - so quickly. I thought it would be drawn out, and I didn't want to give her ammunition to use against you. And..." He shrugged uncomfortably. "I really didn't believe you would choose me if forced. I didn't see any other options."  
  
Remus pulled Severus into his arms and held on to him tightly. "It broke my heart to go," he replied. "But it's over now, all of it. No one can ever come between us, not ever again." He pulled back enough so that he could look at Severus, a new worry surfacing briefly. "Unless you think you might not like children. You didn't before. What do you think? Can you take me if I have a wailing infant as part of my baggage?"  
  
Sagging against Remus, Severus leaned his head on Remus' shoulder and wound both arms around him, needing the closeness to reassure him that the nightmare was indeed over for good. "I have known you have a child since the day we met in Hogsmeade, and I did not let it deter me from falling in love with you. Perhaps my old self was not fond of children, but I think we have established that I am not the same man as I was then. Besides, Teddy is a part of you. How can I dislike him when that is the case?"  
  
Remus' heart melted, and he felt his throat tighten with emotion as he held Severus close, stroking his back and taking comfort in the warm solidness of Severus in his arms. "It sounds like we've firmly removed every obstacle to our happiness, doesn't it?" he asked, his voice husky, and then he chuckled softly. "Well, except for one."  
  
Severus lifted his head and gave Remus a curious look. "What obstacle is that?"  
  
Remus gave a wicked smile, then leaned in so that he could nip briefly at Severus' earlobe before replying in a sultry whisper. "Our clothes."  
  
"Oh..." Severus' eyes widened again, and a flush rose in his cheeks, but he smoothed his hand down the length of Remus' back in a gentle caress. Now that he knew being with Remus wouldn't jeopardize the custody battle, he felt less reticent about proceeding. "Well, that is a simple enough obstacle to overcome."  
  
"Yes, indeed, you're right." Remus nuzzled Severus' flushed cheek, enjoying the feeling of warm skin and the faint rasp of beard as he arched into the caress of Severus' hands. He moved his own to the buttons at Severus' throat, unfastening one slowly and then giving Severus a coy look through his lashes. "So... you've read the books. Do you have a preference for what we do?"  
  
Severus _had_ read about some of the various options, and while all of it had made his toes curl when he thought of doing it with Remus, he hadn't felt a strong preference for either topping or bottoming; he just wanted to be naked and touching Remus, and anything beyond that would be icing on the cake.  
  
"No, I can't say I do," he said slowly, slipping his hands beneath Remus' jumper to caress the warm, bare skin he found beneath. "I just want to be with you," he murmured, closing his eyes and nuzzling Remus' cheek tenderly. "I want to make you happy."  
  
"Then we are in agreement, since I want to make you happy, too," Remus replied. He slid another button through its hole, then another, his desire stoked by every slide of Severus' hands. "I've longed for this ever since that first night. To feel your body in my arms, to hear you gasp and moan in desire. To share that connection. I think it was perhaps the happiest, most uncomplicated moment in my life. The world fell away, and there was only you."  
  
"Yes." Severus opened his eyes and pulled back enough to look at Remus, his features open and trusting. "We can find that connection again. Of that, I have no doubt." Curving his fingers, he ran his nails up and down Remus' back, wanting to make him arch and writhe again.  
  
Remus did, giving a low growl of pleasure at the edge of pain underlying the pleasure. The expression of trust on Severus' face delighted him, and he moved his hands to cup Severus' cheeks. "Neither do I," he replied, before claiming Severus' lips in a light kiss. It wasn't enough, however; the brief taste of Severus was far too tempting, and he was already addicted. He kissed Severus again, moaning softly, parting his lips and sweeping his tongue against Severus' lower lip, seeking permission.  
  
Echoing Remus' moan, Severus parted his lips in eager invitation, twining his tongue with Remus'; he scratched harder and then soothed Remus' skin with gentle sweeps of his palms, but soon that wasn't enough, and he pushed Remus' jumper up, wanting it off, wanting to start ridding them both of the obstacle their clothes presented.  
  
Heat rose between them swiftly, and Remus lost himself in it. He devoured Severus' mouth, eager to experience again all the delights of Severus' kisses. He wanted more, and closer, and _now_ , and so when Severus tugged at his jumper, he eagerly complied, breaking off the kiss only long enough to strip it over his head and toss it away.  
  
His hands returned to Severus' delectable, maddening buttons, but his fingers were trembling too much with eagerness for him to be swift. He tossed caution to the winds, then took the fabric in his hands and yanked, sending buttons flying everywhere. But it had the desired effect, and he gave a groan of satisfaction as he slid his hands against the warm planes of Severus' chest, remembering how much Severus had seemed to enjoy it the last time. He brushed his thumbs against Severus' nipples, anxious to hear the delightful little whimpers Severus had given before.  
  
Gasping at Remus' show of strength, Severus arched against Remus' hands, his toes curling and his body tightening with arousal, and he _did_ whimper for more, the sounds muffled by the endless flow of hungry kisses. He let his hands roam Remus' bare back, unable to get enough, and then he slid his hands around, mirroring Remus' teasing, brushing his thumbs back and forth across Remus' nipples, wanting to drive him mad with need too.  
  
Severus' hands were on him, teasing, tormenting, eliciting delight everywhere they touched. He felt the slide of Severus' thumbs on his sensitive flesh, sending tiny jolts of electricity down his spine with every stroke. It was wonderful, arousing, exquisite, but Remus hungered for more, for the sight and touch and taste of Severus' whole body, naked against his.  
  
He moved his hands lower, tearing at the rest of Severus' buttons, giving a growl of satisfaction as the dark fabric parted at last, giving him access to Severus' body. He pulled back from the kiss with a small gasp, his eyes molten with desire as he licked his lips, tasting Severus upon them. "Off," he said, pushing impatiently at Severus' robe, tugging it down Severus' shoulders. Then his eyes moved down to take in the sight of Severus' body, bare save for the underpants which hid too much from his view. "These, too." He grasped the waistband of the offending garment, tugging them down carefully to expose Severus' arousal, then stripping them down his legs.  
  
"Gorgeous," Remus breathed, his eyes feasting on Severus' body, all planes and angles and perfect in Remus' opinion. He'd seen naked bodies before, of course, male and female, but none of them aroused him the way that Severus' did. Reaching out with a trembling hand, Remus trailed his fingers lightly over Severus' thigh, up to the jut of his hip, then across his waist, coming close to sensitive areas but not quite getting there. He was almost afraid to touch, wanting to but a trifle uncertain in his inexperience.  
  
If he had been less aroused, Severus might have felt a little self-conscious over being laid bare to Remus' sight, but he found it difficult to care about modesty when Remus was touching him, and he shifted beneath Remus' hand, moving to make the most of each caress. He wasn't so far gone that he missed the uncertainty in Remus' eyes, however, and he captured Remus' hand, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss to the palm.  
  
"Your touch pleases me," he murmured, nuzzling his cheek against Remus' palm, and then he released Remus' hand and lay back against the pillows, reclining gracefully without inhibition as he put his body on display and stretched out one hand and beckoned, inviting Remus to join him. "I welcome it, and I trust you. I know whatever you do will give me only pleasure."  
  
Severus' words helped ease Remus' worry that he might do something wrong, and so he nodded and smiled, feasting his eyes on Severus' body as Severus preened for him. "I want to touch you, and I want you to touch me, too," he said. "But first, that last obstacle..."  
  
Rising to his feet, Remus toed off his shoes, then quickly shed his jeans, underpants, and socks. Now bare, he climbed onto the mattress next to Severus, giving a soft moan of joy as their bodies, warm and naked, touched at last. He pulled Severus into his arms, pressing light kisses all over Severus' face. "This is where I belong," he said. "I want you so much it hurts."  
  
Groaning, Severus wound his arms around Remus and pressed close, awash in exquisite sensation; his skin felt alive, inflamed at Remus' touch, and he wanted to wallow against Remus, unable to get enough of warm skin sliding against warm skin. He _needed_ , and only Remus could fulfill him.  
  
"Yes..." The word was more than half a groan as he clutched Remus' back, his fingers digging in. "I want you," he murmured, mouthing kisses along Remus' throat as he twined his legs with Remus' and rubbed sinuously against him. "I _am_ yours, I promise. I mean it with all my heart."  
  
The feeling of Severus' body, hot and damp as it rubbed against his, made Remus feel as though he were about to spontaneously combust. He couldn't remember an experience like this, anything which had made him burn and ache and yearn for completion as did the sensation of Severus' arousal against his. But it was Severus' words that brought forth the wolf again, rising up within Remus and making his eyes glow. He growled as he pushed Severus onto his back and moved over him, kneeling between his legs and pressing him down into the mattress. "You belong to me... to _us_ ," he said, his voice rough and implacable. "And I am yours... all of me. Never forget that, Severus. Not ever."  
  
Leaning down, Remus trailed his nose along the pale, smooth column of Severus' throat. He pressed his lips against the pulse point beneath Severus' ear, feeling the pounding of Severus' heart. It called to him, and he growled once more before fastening his teeth on the tender flesh, staking his claim by an instinct he'd never felt before, but knew was utterly and completely right.  
  
The pain and pleasure of Remus' teeth in his flesh wrenched a sharp cry from Severus' throat, and without thinking, he tilted his head back on the pillow and wound his arms around Remus' shoulders and his legs around Remus' hips, holding him close. "Never," he murmured hoarsely, his fingers digging into Remus' back. "I'll never forget."  
  
"Good." Remus felt the wolf's smug satisfaction in Severus' submissive gesture, but he wasn't looking to dominate, only to cherish and pleasure. He kissed the livid bruise gently and then trailed kisses up the side of Severus' face, along his jaw before kissing Severus' lips reverently. "I love you, Severus," he murmured against Severus lips. "I always will." With that, he claimed Severus' mouth hungrily, pouring all his love and desire and need into the kiss, wanting Severus to know just how much he desired him.  
  
With a low, needy moan, Severus surrendered to the claim, answering Remus' love and desire with his own in equal measure; he tangled his fingers in Remus' hair, anchoring him in place, soft sounds of pleasure and need escaping him as he gave himself over to the passion rising between them. He was hungry - ravenous! - for more kisses, more bare and damp skin, more everything, and only Remus could offer what he needed.  
  
Heat and need and the musky scent of Severus' skin washed over and through Remus, bringing him close to the edge of oblivion as he felt in danger of drowning in sensation. He moaned into the kiss as they moved restlessly together, bodies sliding and writhing in pleasure. Remus wanted more, wanted to give Severus pleasure, to see Severus shatter in his arms. There was so much they could do, but Remus was beyond thinking through the necessary steps right now. Later, there would be time for more, for leisurely lovemaking and the discovery of what gave each of them the most pleasure; for this moment, he thought what they both needed most was each other.  
  
Moving a hand between their bodies, Remus wrapped a hand around Severus' arousal, relishing the evidence of Severus' desire. By tilting his hips a bit, he found he could pleasure them both, and he lifted his mouth from Severus' with a gasp, staring down into his face. "Severus..." he breathed, moving his hand in counterpoint to his hips, watching Severus avidly. "Oh, love... I want you so much...."  
  
The movement of Remus' hand and hips made the burning arousal simmering within Severus erupt into a conflagration, and he braced his feet on the mattress so he could rock with Remus, heightening the tension and pleasure for them both. He gazed up at Remus, love and desire naked on his face, and he cupped Remus' cheek in one hand as they moved in tandem, building toward an elusive peak.  
  
"Yes..." Severus could barely utter the words through panting breaths. "Want you... need you..."  
  
The sight of Severus looking at him with such raw emotion, holding nothing back, wrenched a cry from Remus' throat as ecstasy overwhelmed him, and he seemed to shatter into a million pieces in Severus' arms. He held Severus' eyes, seeming to fall into them, drawn down into that heated darkness and never wanting to surface again.  
  
Echoing Remus' cry, Severus watched raptly, letting Remus' ecstasy wash over him and make his own surge higher and hotter; he clung to Remus, the only sure and solid thing in his life in the midst of overwhelming passion and need, and he let go of his self-control, holding nothing back as he came undone beneath Remus with a hoarse shout.  
  
Collapsing against the mattress, he lay panting and replete, feeling as if he was far too heavy-limbed and boneless to move if his life depended on it, and he curved his arms around Remus' shoulders, pulling him down into a warm embrace, a low hum almost like a purr rumbling in his chest.  
  
Sated and spent, Remus willingly collapsed next to Severus, gasping as he tried to catch his breath. It had been there again, that moment o of connection, the pure joining he'd longed for during the last weeks of loneliness. That was all over now, the pain healed in the balm of Severus' love, leaving Remus with nothing but overwhelming joy.  
  
He summoned his wand from the floor with a wordless spell and murmured a charm to clean them both. Then he tossed it away again in favor of curling himself around Severus, entwining their legs and pressing so close that he couldn't tell where he ended and Severus began. His hands stroked slowly over the damp skin of Severus' back, and he smiled as he listened to Severus' soft purr of pleasure.  
  
"If I am a wolf, you are a cat," he said softly. "A sexy, sensuous, utterly desirable one, who owns me body and soul."  
  
Severus gave a quiet snort at that, but he nestled closer, tightening his arms around Remus, feeling as if he couldn't get close enough; after the loneliness and emptiness of their weeks apart, he craved the reassurance that Remus really was here with him and there would never be another time like that again. "If I am a cat, then you must be my tamed wolf," he murmured, pressing a kiss beneath Remus' ear and breathing in Remus' warm scent, relaxing as it washed over him, assuring him this was real, not a dream, and he wouldn't wake up alone.  
  
"I'll be anything you desire," Remus replied with a soft, contented sigh. "So long as I can be it with you."  
  
He was silent for a moment, then he raised his head as something occurred to him, and he looked down at Severus again. "You know... I have to go pick up Teddy from Andromeda tomorrow. Would you like to go with me?" His lips curled up in something that wasn't quite a smile. "I would like her to see that you are a part of my life and Teddy's life, and that there isn't anything she can do about it."  
  
Severus didn't bother to hide the wicked smirk that curved his lips at the idea. "I would like that very much," he replied, reaching up to caress Remus' cheek again, pleased that Remus had invited him even if it was partly for retaliation; he had no qualms about Remus' motivations when he wanted to shove their relationship in Andromeda's face and show her that she hadn't been able to keep Remus from either of the people he loved after all. "I would like to meet Teddy at last, and I want to see Andromeda's face for myself when she hears the news about us."  
  
"Excellent." Remus grinned, leaning into Severus' touch, happy that Severus had agreed to accompany him. "I can't wait for you to meet Teddy. I know he'll love you as much as I do. Do you think... well... do you think it's too early to talk about being a family? A real family? It's not just for Teddy, either. I don't want to be without you, Severus. If you'll have me - have _us_ \- it would make me the happiest man in the world."  
  
Severus went still, his eyes growing wide - and then his features relaxed into utter contentment as he wound his arms around Remus again and pulled him into a tight embrace. "After what we just went through, I believe it is safe to say I have no desire to be without you either. It isn't too early as far as I am concerned. I am ready to launch my new life with a new family." He brushed gentle kisses along Remus' chin and jaw. "With you."  
  
Remus felt so happy that he thought he might burst, and he burrowed fiercely into Severus' embrace. "Together... all of us. I never could have imagined this, not in a million years. It makes everything I had to go through to get here worth it. I know that you can't remember before, but maybe, I hope, you'll be happier, too, than you could have been before." He chuckled. "Maybe the Dementor's kiss didn't so much erase your memories as turn the dour potions master into the prince he should have been all along."  
  
Severus snorted more loudly at that and rolled his eyes. "Hardly! But I believe I have managed to start my new life off on a better footing." He caressed Remus' back, smoothing his hand up and down the length of the warm, damp expanse of skin. "I have you, and tomorrow, we will create a family together. That alone is a vast improvement over my life as it was before."  
  
"And mine." Remus relaxed into Severus' stroking hands, feeling that everything was right in his world. There were still things to work out and problems to overcome, and no doubt there would be bumps in the road along the way, but none of that seemed to matter. He had Teddy, and he had Severus, and somehow, he thought, there wasn't anything else in the world he could ever need.


	9. Epilogue

Severus emerged from the bedroom with Teddy in his arms, both of them in full costume - a surprise for Remus. Severus had kept his plans for the staff Halloween party a secret, telling Remus only that he intended to dress Teddy to complement his costume, and no amount of wheedling or bribery would coax the information out of him. He even turned down offers of sexual favors, which was difficult, but he was adamant about maintaining the element of surprise.

He had got the idea from the memory of a conversation he'd had with Remus early in their relationship when Remus had mentioned his students' former perception of him and he had joked about them theorizing he was really a vampire this time around. The staff party wouldn't begin until after the feast in the Great Hall was over and all the students had been herded back to their respective Houses to continue the revelry in the common rooms, thus the students wouldn't see Severus roaming the halls dressed as a vampire, which was somewhat disappointing but probably just as well. He would leave it to the Bloody Baron to give the first years nightmares.

His costume was based on a Muggle concept: a tuxedo with tails and a cape. He had used a cosmetic charm to length his incisors, and he slicked back his hair in a sleek ponytail. The final touch was giving his skin an unearthly pallor with a salve of his own creation, and when he gazed at his reflection, he was satisfied by what he saw. He made a rather hawkish, striking vampire if he did say so himself.

Teddy was dressed as his familiar - a bat. With help from Minerva and her Transfiguration skills, he had fashioned a costume made of black velvet complete with wings that were charmed to flap when Teddy moved his arms and a hood with huge pointed ears, black glass eyes, and a flat, wrinkled nose. When the hood was pulled low over Teddy's face, it looked as if he had the face of a bat.

With that, they were ready to join Remus and head off to the party. Sirius had drifted through earlier to say hello on the way to Sir Nicholas' Death Day party; although he divided his time between Hogwarts and Grimmauld Place, Sirius had been accepted by the Hogwarts ghosts as one of their own, and he was an odd addition to Severus' already odd family. They had reached a more or less amiable accord; they sniped at each other almost as much as they had when Sirius was alive and Severus had his memories, but it was tempered by death and memory loss and the fact that they both knew the other's presence made Remus happy. Sirius wouldn't admit as much directly to Severus, but Remus privately confided that Sirius was impressed despite himself with Severus' continued efforts to improve conditions for werewolves in their society.

His former self might have disliked teaching, but Severus found it a satisfying vocation. Between that and working with the Ministry, he felt as if his life had a purpose, and with Remus' help, his teaching style this time around relied less on intimidation, which had been a shock to the students who knew him from his previous tenure. He had dealt with wide-eyed wariness and obvious dislike during the first few weeks of the new term, but gradually, they relaxed when they realized Professor Snape was no longer inclined to call them dunderheads or take points because they held their knife wrong.

With Remus and Teddy - and sometimes Sirius - with him, he was more than satisfied with his life; he was happy. He had been concerned that Remus wouldn't be able to move in with him, but with Kingsley pushing for reforms and werewolf rights getting a great deal of positive press, Minerva had firmer ground to stand on if any parents discovered the partner of one of the staff was a werewolf. But since Remus wasn't teaching, it wasn't as much of an issue, and Severus had developed his skills enough to brew the Wolfsbane Potion again, which meant Remus curled up in their quarters, safe and sound, during the full moon while Teddy pulled his ears and tail and Severus looked on with amused tolerance at their antics.

Holding Teddy securely in one arm, Severus swirled his cape with a flourish as they exited the bedroom and joined Remus in the parlor. "Well, what do you think?" he asked, baring his fangs. Teddy waved his arms, making his wings flap, and burbled happily, his nose growing larger as it usually did when Severus held him.

"I think one of you is the most sexy thing and one of you is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which," Remus replied with a wide smile as he rose from the sofa. He crossed to Severus with a leer, his gait a trifle odd because of the furry goat legs of his costume. In fact, the fur was the only thing he wore, covering him thoroughly from the waist to his cloven hooves, his torso - still tanned, with defined muscles from his summer of physical labor - bare and oiled to a sheen. He'd transfigured himself a fine pair of furry, pointed ears as well, and his only other adornment as a wreath of laurel leaves about his magically lengthened hair. 

Sidling up against Severus, he kissed Teddy's cheek before looking up at his partner, eyes sparkling with amusement and desire. He tilted his head back suggestively. "I think I'm feeling an urge for a bite of something..."

A small but wicked smile curved Severus' lips as he bent his head and bit Remus' throat, pressing lightly with his sharp incisors; winding his free arm around Remus' waist, he tugged Remus closer and pressed a kiss to the faint bite mark. "A tasty morsel indeed," he murmured.

Meanwhile, Teddy watched and laughed, accustomed to such displays, and he reached out, making an unsuccessful grab for Remus' hair.

Remus gave a soft moan at the feel of teeth against his throat, clinging to Severus as he leaned into the embrace, enjoying the contact a great deal. Teddy's laugh brought his attention back to more practical matters, just in time for him to avoid having a lock of his hair pulled. 

"No, you don't, young man!" Remus scolded, but he was smiling as he reached up to tap Teddy's nose with a gentle finger. He chuckled when he noticed that Teddy's nose had grown again. "People are going to think he's your son rather than mine. Not that there is anything wrong with that; you're as much his parent as I am, and he loves you very much."

Remus couldn't be more pleased at the relationship Severus shared with his son. They had taken to each other immediately, a fact which had annoyed Andromeda to no end. It had been tense for the first month or so between her and Remus, but Remus had no doubt that Andromeda loved her grandson, and he had no desire to withhold Teddy from her. Over the course of the last several weeks, she had gradually thawed, although Remus had no illusions that it was for _his_ sake. Rather, she seemed to have realized that Remus loved his son, that Teddy loved his father, and that Severus was a part of both their lives and wasn't going anywhere. She'd accepted it grudgingly, obviously for Teddy's sake, but at least she had the good grace to treat Remus with courtesy when he brought Teddy to visit. Perhaps, in time, she'd even stop blaming him for Tonks' death, and come to accept that Remus did deserve to be happy.

Happy he most assuredly was; finally he had his son, and he had Severus, and Minerva had allowed him to move into Hogwarts. He even had a job, working in Werewolf Support Services, thanks to Kingsley. Severus' efforts on the behalf of the werewolves had started a series of changes which had improved things for all of them, and now Remus was in a position to help as well. He hoped, in the long term, to convince the Ministry to fund a school for werewolf children, until such a time as society had changed enough to allow them open acceptance at Hogwarts. That happy event was undoubtedly several years in the future, and until then, Remus wanted to make sure that the children who had been victims, as he had, were given every opportunity to learn the skills they needed to thrive.

Life, he thought with a warm surge of delight, couldn't be better, and he craned up to kiss Severus' cheek. "And I love you, too."

"I think you're both irredeemably soppy," Severus replied with a hint of tartness even as he bent to accommodate the kiss. "But I return the sentiment nonetheless," he added, sliding his hand down to pat Remus' furry hip. "I can think of worse things in the world than being mistaken for Teddy's father."

"We're soppy, but we're yours, and it's too late to get rid of us, isn't it, Teddy?" Remus replied smugly, wriggling his hip against Severus' hand. Teddy clapped, apparently enjoying the fact that they were saying his name, and Remus grinned as the wings flapped again. "He's going to steal the show, you know - not that there is anything wrong with that. Shall we go, then? You know he's going to be wanting his bed before too long, and after that, I'll be wanting ours... with you in it, preferably naked... but perhaps you can keep the teeth?" He batted his eyelashes coyly.

Severus didn't bother trying to hide his smirk. "Why do you think I suggested bringing Teddy with us in the first place? They get to coo over him, and we get a valid excuse to leave the party early. Not that I dislike socializing with my colleagues, but I can think of other ways I would prefer to celebrate Halloween, and conveniently enough, they all involve nudity." He bent and nipped at Remus' earlobe. "And I will indeed keep the teeth."

Remus shivered in delight, his mind racing ahead to the delights of the evening to come. They had a fantastic sex life, and Severus' inventiveness was an ongoing source of discovery and intense pleasure. The connection, love, and commitment they shared was more than Remus could have ever hoped for, and he wanted nothing more than to show Severus how much he was adored and desired.

Stepping back, Remus grabbed Severus' free hand and tugged him toward the door. "The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave, right?" he asked, grinning back over his shoulder. "Let's go and have the tricks... because when we get back, I know it's going to be nothing but a wonderful treat."


End file.
